As in Uffish Thought
by projectkeiko
Summary: On Christmas night, 1991, Severus Snape encountered the Mirror of Erised and saw an image that did not belong- the image of James Potter. Now it seems as though reality, or sanity, has cracked. To regain his sanity, Severus must untangle the mysteries of his past and find his way to the future.
1. Chapter 1

As in Uffish Thought

Chapter 1

The Looking Glass

Christmas Day

11:30 PM

1991

Severus Snape, sitting alone in his office, felt much older than his years.

He normally did not mind staying at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays, for though the children were in noisy spirits, and the headmaster more infuriating than usual, the only alternative was to spend Christmas in a cold, empty house on the edge of a broken neighborhood, amongst broken memories. The children at Hogwarts, though annoying, were at least distracting.

But now the day's festivities were long over, the feast cleared away, and the children in bed. Severus could not sleep, so all that was left was to brood over the cup of lukewarm tea and the unread potions journal that lay in his lap.

There was nothing, now, to distract him from that empty feeling that sometimes hollowed his insides- the sense that nothing was as it should be- that something important was lost.

Of course, Severus knew what had been lost. She had been lost- _Lily_ had been lost. The single light in his dark life was forever gone. He would never spend another Christmas with her- never wander into her father's church and stand behind the pews during Christmas eve service, just to watch Lily line up with the other girls and play _Carol of the Bells. _ He would never exchange homemade gifts with Lily, or see her eyes light up with joy at the sight of snow.

He indulged these memories for a time, but though such memories were supposed to be healing, they did not make the sense of _wrongness_ disappear.

Severus wondered how he had managed to squander all that was good in his life in such short order. How had he allowed himself to be the Dark Lord's- no- to be _fortune's _fool? He lived, now, to make some atonement for the wreck he'd wrought when he'd given the Dark Lord the prophecy that sealed everyone's fate. Still, though Severus did everything that Dumbledore bid, he couldn't help but think that Dumbledore was giving him the wrong orders.

Severus shook his head. Such thoughts were nonsensical, and no doubt brought on by anxiety. He closed his book, put away his tea, and stood, determined to find some distraction to calm his troubled mind before dawn broke.

#

No distractions could be found in the empty stone hallways. Severus had hoped to amuse himself by frightening mischief-makers, but the children had been, evidently, too tired from the day's festivities to sneak out of their dorms.

So Severus wandered aimlessly, and soon he found himself in a certain hallway, before a certain door, behind which lay a certain artifact that the headmaster had particularly warned him against encountering.

_"Ah, Severus,"_ the old man had said. "_You will find no solace in this mirror's glass. It would do nothing but open up old wounds."_

"But," Severus whispered aloud, "what if the wounds never closed to begin with?"

Severus reached out and opened the door.

Behind the door, Severus found the distraction he'd hoped for earlier- a student out of bed. This particular student, however, only ever seemed to increase Severus's unease, however much he scolded.

Harry Potter was sitting in front of the Mirror of Erised.

The boy was staring into the mirror, clearly enrapt by what he saw within. He did not move- did not react when Severus entered the room and shut the door noisily behind himself. The boy just sat and gazed with a melancholy expression in his green eyes.

Severus winced internally at the pain that gripped him every time he saw those eyes. He looked away, up into the mirror's depths, and then stopped.

Severus gasped aloud.

Potter started and jumped up, but Severus did not notice. Severus, now, stared into the mirror's depths, astonished by what he saw.

The setting was unknown, but hauntingly familiar. Severus saw himself standing in a garden, under the eaves of a whitewashed gazebo. It was a summer day- the sun shone brilliantly all around him, and heavy bunches of heliotrope hanging around the mirror's frame.

Lily stood at Severus's left side, holding an ornate chalice in her hand. She smiled, the expression of purest love in her eyes.

Lily's presence in the mirror was natural; painful, but not unexpected. The presence on Severus's right side, however…

"Sir?" Harry said tentatively.

Severus blinked, but the image remained, unchanged.

James Potter- messy hair, robes askew, glasses and all- stood at Severus's right side, his fingers entwined in Severus's own. James held an ornate goblet like Lily's, and he, too, smiled.

For a moment, Severus could not breathe. He turned away from the mirror, a strange feeling burning in his heart.

"Sir?" Harry said once more in a frightened voice.

"Potter, what-" Severus began, but then he choked on the tears that welled up in his throat, and he had to stop.

"I- I couldn't sleep," said Potter in a panicked voice, apparently mistaking Severus's reaction for one of anger.

Severus took a deep breath and threw up his occlumency barriers as hard as he could, shielding his mind from his emotions.

"Obviously, you couldn't sleep," Severus said in a stronger voice. "Therefore, I suppose, the rules don't apply to you."

Whistling in the dark had always served as a crutch for Severus, and indulging in sarcasm helped steady his nerves for a time. But then Severus turned around and saw the defiance in those green eyes, and all of his composure was undone.

Severus lunged forward, grabbing Harry's shoulders. "What did you see, Potter, when you looked in the mirror?"

"I- I just saw myself, Sir."

Severus let Harry go and put his hand to his head as a sharp pain seemed to pierce his skull. He took a deep breath, steadied himself, and tried again.

"Potter, it is foolish of you to lie to me. I hardly need tell you that this is no ordinary mirror. This is a valuable magical artifact- not a child's toy. If you have done anything to damage the mirror…"

"I haven't done _anything_! I didn't even touch the mirror. I was only looking."

"Then why does it show things that shouldn't be there?" Severus all but shouted. Then he looked back to the mirror- saw James and Lily still there, by his side- and that strange warmth swelled once again in his chest.

James tilted his head, his mouth twisting into a cocky grin as though to say, _"of course I should be here."_

"Potter- do you know what this mirror does?"

"It shows you people who have … who have passed on?"

"Read the text above the mirror backward, Potter. Those who seek the hidden secrets of magic should always be looking for riddles. This mirror is _supposed_ to show you your heart's desire." Severus swallowed hard and turned away from the mirror once more. "I will ask again; what did you-"

"What did _you_ see, Sir?" Harry said hotly.

"I saw myself enjoying a quiet evening, away from you chattering dunderheads," Severus snapped. "Ten points from Gryffindor for being out of bed. Now- away with you, before I take more points."

Harry bolted for the door, and as he moved away Severus spotted something silvery and soft piled on the floor where Harry had stood. A lump formed in Severus's throat as he recognized the object, though he could not recall how he recognized it.

"Potter, wait. Is this your cloak?"

Harry rushed back and grabbed the cloak off the floor, bundling it into his arms as though to shield it from Snape's gaze. "Yes- it's… it not important."

"This cloak is a powerful magical artifact, and you left it bunched up on the floor. Where did you get it?"

"It was my father's," Harry said. His green eyes burned with defiance, as though daring Snape to take it from him.

For a moment, Severus had the urge to kneel down and try to soothe the child's anger. Instead, he stood straighter, and put all the authority he could into his voice.

"You are too young to possess such a thing, but if it was truly your father's, then it is yours by right. I expect you to take better care of the cloak in the future; do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said sullenly.

"That's all, then. Go back to your dorm, before I take another 10 points."

Harry turned and ran from the room.

Severus moved to follow, and then paused, turning back to the mirror.

"You are my enemy, James," he whispered. "You took her from me. You don't belong here."

James did not disappear in a puff of logic. Instead he leaned closer to Severus- his dark eyes smoldering, and his lips turned up in that infuriating grin.

The warmth in Severus's chest kindled, and it felt nothing like the flames of hatred.

Severus looked once more at Lily, trying to find that old sense of jealousy. Lily, however, returned a look of such tenderness that jealousy would not come.

So Severus left the room, shut the door, and returned to his dungeon, where he fell into confused and feverish dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Those who Observe

When Fred and George Weasley caught Professor Snape watching them, their sense of danger spiked.

It's not that Fred and George were afraid of Professor Snape. They'd figured out long ago that he was a spy for the good guys. In their first year, Professor Snape had told them to stay after class, and when all of the other students had gone, he'd said that their cauldrons- which had been purchased second-hand on the cheap- were dangerously worn and corroded. Snape had then gone on to say that he just happened to have two used cauldrons, and after presenting them with the cauldrons, he had given them a long, boring lecture on cauldron safety.

During the lecture, Fred and George had examined the cauldrons. They were, indeed, sturdy cauldrons. In fact, the stains and shallow scratches on the surface looked fresh, as though someone had bought them new and then attempted to make the cauldrons look used.

"Keep these clean. If I see you using sub-standard equipment again, we will have another talk," Snape had said, vanishing the old cauldrons.

In the weeks that followed, Fred and George had paid close attention to Snape's behavior toward the other students. Snape was just as nasty as ever. He awarded points unfairly, sneered at the Gryffindors, and showed overt favoritism to the Slytherins. But after sneaking glances at their classmates' test papers, the twins noticed that while house points were awarded unfairly, test scores were always fair. They also noticed that Snape would always go out of his way to explain the material thoroughly to every student who struggled, even if he did so with sarcasm and derision in his voice. Most of all, they noticed that nothing inspired Snape's anger more than unsafe behavior. The man seemed determined to prevent dangerous accidents in his classroom, no matter if Gryffindors or Slytherins were at risk.

Therefore, they'd decided, Professor Snape must be secretly good, and he must only be acting unfair to keep up appearances for the Slytherins. Having heard a rumor that Snape was a death-eater, Fred and George had further reasoned that Snape must have spied on the death-eaters for Dumbledore. Snape was a Hogwarts professor, after all, and though the death-eaters might be fooled, Dumbledore never would be.

Still- even if Professor Snape _was_ good, being watched so closely by a spy couldn't be a good sign. It was a _great_ sign. Life at Hogwarts was bound to get a lot more interesting, soon.

Fred and George did their best to ignore Snape, who stood in a shadowy alcove near the castle. Instead, they focused on their snowball duel against their little brother Ron and his friend, Harry Potter. Then, after an epic victory, they lingered near the edge of the castle while the two youngers boys dragged themselves inside to get warm and dry.

Snape caught the twins' eyes and beckoned them closer, and they strolled over as nonchalantly as they could. Fred whistled a little tune as he thought of codenames he could use when he became a spy, and George was inventing cool spy gadgets they could use.

Professor Snape led them deeper into the shadows, and then said, "good afternoon."

"Happy Christmas, Professor," Fred said cheerfully. "How can we help you?"

"Harry Potter-" Snape began, and then stopped.

"Yes, Professor?" George prompted.

Professor Snape took a deep breath, and then spoke again. "I noticed that, even though it's the holidays, Mr. Potter is still wearing his school cloak. I also noticed that, even though he was throwing snowballs, he wore no gloves."

The Weasley twins exchanged looks, and then sighed in syncopation.

"We told Mum that he would need some things," George said, "and she sent him a hamper for Christmas- jumper, socks, food…"

"But there are a lot of us kids, and she didn't have time to make gloves," Fred finished.

"That was very kind of her," Snape said quickly. "I can't help but wonder, though, why it was necessary. I was not aware that Harry's aunt and uncle were struggling."

"They-" Fred started, and then hesitated.

"I don't think they are struggling," George said quietly.

"I see. So they are negligent, or…"

"Worse," George confirmed.

"From what we've gathered- he won't talk about it," Fred added.

"I see," Snape said. A dark expression crossed the man's face, and for a moment Fred worried that the man would assassinate the Dursleys. Snape did not reassure Fred when he added, "I know I needn't ask you to keep this conversation private."

"Harry would skin us alive if he knew we'd told you," George said. "He doesn't _realize,_ yet."

"I don't know what you mean," Snape said smoothly. "Good afternoon, boys."

And with that, the mean, greasy spy who posed as their professor disappeared into the shadows.

Fred decided it was time to stock up on their more useful supplies. Things were definitely going to get more interesting at Hogwarts.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Tea and Stones

Severus paced back and forth before Minerva's office door, not quite able to bring himself to knock.

A part of Severus's mind was sneering at him, telling him that he was overreacting. Logically, there was no way that Dumbledore- the most powerful wizard in the world- would allow anything to happen to his golden child- the boy who lived.

Still, Severus could not shake the sense of _wrongness_ that had increased the night before, when he'd looked into the mirror of Erised. Perhaps, Severus thought, he was losing his mind, but he had the unshakable sensation that reality had shifted- cracked, like a broken mirror.

The boy who lived being neglected and abused by jealous relations seemed to fit the pattern of wrongness that was forming.

Severus raised his hand decidedly, but the door swung open on its own before he could knock.

"Severus, _do_ stop skulking in my doorway and come in, already," Minerva called from her desk.

"Thank you," Severus said quietly as he entered.

Unlike Headmaster Dumbledore's office, with it's fiddly, whirring objects, Professor McGonagall's office was comfortingly normal. There was a desk, a series of cubbies where she stored the papers and forms that kept the school running, and a bookshelf full of tomes that kept the Professor's mind sharp.

Minerva had already summoned a tea service. Minerva never let anyone leave her office without first offering them tea or biscuits.

For a Gryffindor, Minerva was a thoroughly _civilized_ woman.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Severus?" she asked, handing him a cup.

Severus took the cup, and then looked around the portraits that crowded the small patches of bare wall. "The walls have ears, Minerva," he said.

Minerva lifted her eyebrows, but without questioning Severus, she _accioed_ the portraits and placed them in a certain drawer in her desk- the loud protests of the portraits abruptly cutting off when she shut the drawer. Then Minerva flicked her wand, and Severus felt a muffling in his ears and saw a flicker of light as her security spells activated.

"Well, Severus," she continued, taking a sip of tea.

Severus took a deep breath, and steeled himself. "I have reason to believe that the boy who lived may be in danger."

Minerva put her teacup down with a clatter. "Death-eaters, Severus? But then, why come to me instead of Albus?"

Severus shook his head. "Not death-eaters, Minerva. I believe the danger to Potter lies closer to home."

Minerva sighed and fell back. "The Dursleys," she said flatly.

"You aren't surprised," Severus said, taking a sip of tea.

"I've been after Albus all year, Severus. I've told that man for years that these are the _worst_ sort of muggles, but I had no idea how bad things were until this summer, when I saw the address on Mr. Potter's letter."

"His Hogwarts letter? I thought that those were addressed by an enchanted quill."

"Oh- they are. But one can't help but notice, Severus, when the quill addresses _thousands_ of identical letters."

"Thousands?"

"Oh yes. You see, the quill has a failsafe- if a Hogwarts letter goes unread, the quill will address double the number of letters to send the next day. Of course, most of the letters are treated with great care and read right away, but with this _doubling_, you can understand what kind of chaos might ensue if a student had a particularly obstinate relation. According to Hagrid, whom Albus sent to retrieve Potter, the boy's relations had gone to a small island near the Isle of Wight to escape the letters."

"Petunia didn't like magic," Severus said. "I can well imagine her trying to keep Potter away from Hogwarts."

"But that isn't the worst of it," Minerva said. She stood, went to her cubbies, and waved her wand. A previously hidden cubby appeared, and Minerva reached in, retrieving a letter.

"I kept one of the letters- out of thousands, I doubted it would make a difference."

Minerva thrust the envelope at Severus, who took it and read.

"The cupboard under the stairs?"

"I don't know much about muggle ways," Minerva said, sitting. "But it isn't usual for muggle children to sleep in cupboards, is it?"

Severus took another long drink of tea- his mouth suddenly dry. "I hardly know what is usual, Minerva- my muggle father was a brute. But at least I had a bedroom."

Minerva seemed to deflate. "Then it's as I feared."

Severus tossed the envelope onto the desk, unable to look at it any longer. "Surely- you spoke to the headmaster, Minerva. It's the boy who lived! I'd expected the headmaster to lavish every possible advantage on the child, not keep him in…"

"I spoke to the headmaster. He won't budge, Severus. He said that it's absolutely necessary that the boy stay. That without the protection of the wards- of Lily's blood family…"

Minerva stopped and put a hand to her mouth, as though she regretted speaking the name aloud. Severus, however, did not react.

Minerva lowered her hand, sensing a subtle but curious change in the troubled young man. "Severus, how did you come to suspect the abuse?"

"I saw the boy playing outside with his friends, today, and I noticed he had no coat and no gloves. I questioned the Weasley twins alone, and they confirmed my suspicions. I realize that the twins are generally unreliable sources of information, but-"

"You did well to question them, Severus. The Weasley twins are… high-spirited, certainly, but they do take their friendships seriously."

Minerva stood and began to pace the room, and then she spun to face Severus. "Since the headmaster has proven unhelpful, I assume you plan to take matters into your own hands. That's why you bid me to hide the portraits?"

Severus nodded. "That, and also a sense of… heightened caution, you might say. Strange things are afoot at Hogwarts, Minerva- stranger than you may suspect."

"This goes beyond the business with the stone and with Quirrel, doesn't it?"

"The headmaster's plan to protect the stone is beyond strange, Minerva. He may as well put up a sign that states, 'Philosopher's stone located here: please come take it- especially if you are the dark lord's minion."

Minerva's lips twitched.

"And the headmaster's continued requests that Flamel destroy the stone… it's too much, Minerva. I know what you will argue; in the wrong hands, the stone is dangerous. But the good that could be done in the right hands is… well, it's beyond imagining."

If only Lily had possessed such an object…

A sharp pain began to throb behind Severus's eyes, and he pressed his hand to his head. He could still hear Minerva speaking, but it was as though from a great distance.

"… to be careful of your natural attraction to the dark arts, Severus," she was saying in a gentle voice. "To be sure the stone is not dark- is not technically necromancy- but its very existence is frowned on by many. It sparked the last goblin war when Flamel created it, if you recall. He had to swear to keep it hidden, to appease them."

"All the more reason the headmaster's plan is insane. The last thing we want is for the goblin nation to decide we have hidden it poorly, and sending an army to invade the castle. You don't agree with the headmaster's plan, do you?"

"Agree? No. Trust? Yes. Albus has done inscrutable things in the past that have turned out to be brilliant moves. I have learned to bit my tongue- especially when it all seems mad."

"Still- you will not interfere if I try to protect Potter?"

Minerva bit her lip. "I think Potter should stay where he is, under the protection of his wards. But if you were to pay a visit to the Dursleys- as a concerned professor, of course- I would not stop you."

Severus nodded grimly and stood. "Thank you for the suggestion, Minerva."

"Give them hell, Severus."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Cheer and Innuendo

Unlike most wizards, Severus Snape knew how to blend in with muggles. Like most wizards, he still did not fit into Little Whinging.

A portly, middle-aged man, who had been dragging a still-fresh tree to the curb, paused to sneer at Snape's hair, which was slicked back into a ponytail.

"Damned grunge kids are ruining the neighborhood," he grumbled as Severus passed.

A pensioner woman, who had pulled back her curtains to make sure her neighbor's Christmas decorations did not outshine her own, drew the curtains back in disgust after noticing Severus's black turtleneck and black trench coat.

"These young rockers all in black- would it kill them to be a little more cheerful?" She complained to her husband, who was napping on the couch. "It's Christmas, after all."

Severus Snape disregarded the sneers, which were preferable to being molested by friendly waves and idle chit-chat. He moved swiftly and with purpose up the street, to a house that looked just as fresh and new and cheerful as every other house on Privet Drive.

Severus reached the doorway of number 4 and then paused. He had moved to ring the bell, but the ringer was surrounded by bunches of holly which had been sprayed with glitter, and the glitter had infected the ringer. Severus, likewise, could not knock on the door, since it was occupied by an enormous glittery wreath, and surrounded by glitter-painted poinsettias.

Severus took a deep breath, rang the doorbell, and then wiped his glitter-covered finger on the inside of his coat.

There was a rustling on the other side of the door, which punctuated the muffled sounds of a television. In a few moments the door opened, and a heavy-set teenage boy stood on the other side.

"Whaddya want?" the boy said.

"Is your mother home?" Severus said in a low drawl.

The boy sniffed and rubbed his nose, clearly unintimidated. "Who wants to know?"

"_Professor _Severus Snape."

The boy turned and walked back through the entryway, leaving the door wide open behind him. "Mum! Some Professor- _Several Snape-_ wants you." He called as he went.

There was a second of silence, and then Severus heard a shriek from within.

"_**Snape!"**_

Severus walked inside and shut the door behind him. In a few moments, Petunia- horse faced and unpleasant as ever- walked into the entryway. Severus caught her eye, smirked, and then turned the lock on the door.

It was only a flimsy muggle lock, which could be easily un-locked again, but Petunia's face went pale and her eyes wide for a moment. Then she seemed to rally, took a deep breath, and folded her arms.

"You have a lot of nerve, Snape, turning up here after all of these years."

"Life is funny," Severus said, walking slowly toward Petunia. "It seems like only yesterday that your sister and I got our Hogwarts letters, and now I am a Professor at that same institution."

"Must be a rather shabby school, to hire the likes of you," Petunia said. Her arms were still folded, but she backed away from Severus as he approached.

Soon, the two stood in the sitting room, where the heavy-set boy sat beside a massive Christmas tree, sifting through opened presents that had not yet been put away. A heavy-set man sat on the couch nearby, watching the TV. When Snape mentioned Hogwarts, the man turned and narrowed his beady eyes at Severus.

"Come-come, Petunia- we mustn't bicker like children anymore," Severus said silkily, ignoring the man. "We are adults now, with adult responsibilities. I, for one, take those responsibilities seriously."

Petunia sighed, as though in relief, and unfolded her arms.

"Show me where to sign then, Snape, and then get out of my house. I won't contest it."

Snape, though surprised, was able to keep his composure. "What are you babbling about, Petunia?"

"I won't contest your custody of Harry. That _is_ why you are here, isn't it? You should have come years ago, but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"What legal right would _I_ possibly have to the boy?" Severus said. "You are his closest living relation."

"I'm _legally_ his closest relation, as far as anyone knows," Petunia corrected. "We both know that doesn't make a lick of difference in these matters, and I really don't care about your freakish ways, anymore. The boy isn't wanted here. He should be raised by people like him."

Snape gaped at her a moment, and then rallied.

"Be that as it may, the headmaster insists that the boy stay here. He is safer that way, and your family is safer that way."

Petunia groaned.

The man stood and shook a stubby finger at Severus.

"Now look here- I don't know who you are, but if you aren't here to take the Potter boy off our hands, then you'd better get out of my house. You're upsetting my wife and child, and I won't have it."

"Nothing would give me greater pleasure," Severus replied, "but I still have business here."

He turned back to Petunia. "I may have no legal right to the boy, but as his professor, and out of respect for his _mother," _Snape added in a low voice, "I am interested in his well-being."

"We took him in- gave him a roof over his head," Petunia said. "If the boy's been complaining-"

Severus reached into his coat pocket, and Petunia flinched. Snape, however, drew forth not a wand, but an envelope, which he handed to her.

"The _cupboard, _Tuney? Really?"

"He _has _a bedroom," Petunia said.

"It's _my_ bedroom!" the boy near the tree shouted indignantly.

"Now Dudders," Petunia squeaked, "we talked about that, didn't we darling? You don't need all of those old things."

"Show me," Severus hissed.

Petunia turned back to Severus. "Wh- what?" she said falteringly.

"Show me the boy's room."

Petunia looked as though she were about to argue, but Severus reached toward his coat pocket, and Petunia paled slightly. She spun on her heel and made her way up the stairs, and Severus followed.

Petunia led Severus into a room painted bright red and blue, with a tv and video game system in one corner, a large bed with a blue comforter, rugby posters on the walls, and a large train set laid out in the middle.

"Alright," Severus said. "This is very nice. Now show me _Potter's _room."

"How did you-"

Severus pointed to a sign that was taped to the wall, written in messy scrawl.

** Dudley's Room: No Freaks Allowed!**

Petunia sighed and turned slowly to the next door.

The room was clean, but shabbily furnished, as though all of the old furniture that had no other use had been shoved inside. The rickety bookshelves were full of rubbish and old, broken toys. There was a box spring and mattress shoved into one corner, covered in a thin sheet, and a pillow with no cover.

Severus strode to the closet and opened it. Inside, there was only a splotchy, grey school uniform and a pair of torn trainers, which looked far too big to fit Potter's feet.

"I've seen enough."

He turned back to Petunia. "Your own son wants for nothing- it looked like you bought out _Harrods_ for him, judging by the mess under the tree. Meanwhile, your nephew- _Lily's Son-_ doesn't even have a pair of gloves."

"We never asked for him!" Petunia protested. "You never paid us any support."

Severus drew his wand and pressed it to Petunia's throat.

"I have a wand, and you don't. So shut up."

Petunia's face turned a very interesting shade of purple, but she said nothing.

"Here's what happens next," Severus continued. "I am going back to school, and I will be sending you an owl. The owl will remain on your doorstep until you give it a parcel, addressed to Mr. Harry Potter. Inside the parcel will be a winter coat, gloves, new trainers, a pair of slacks, a jumper, and warm socks. All of these items will be new and will be the appropriate size. Do you understand?"

Petunia nodded.

"When Mr. Potter returns this summer, the rubbish will be cleared away, his bed will have a new comforter, and he will be given 3 proper meals every day. You will not withhold food as punishment. Don't deny it, Petunia-" he said, pressing the wand harder. "I saw how skinny he was when he arrived at school.

"You, your husband, and your son will keep your hands off of the boy. No beating. No bullying."

Petunia gasped. "I never hit-"

"All _three_ of you will keep your hands off the boy. Is this understood?"

"Yes," Petunia said.

"None of this is unreasonable," Severus said. "This is the _bare minimum_ of effort required to care for a child. I don't care if you love him or loathe him. I am not asking you to pamper him like the little lord downstairs. Just- for god's sake, woman- show some basic decency."

"You're a fine one to lecture _me_ about decency," Petunia spat, pulling away from the wand. "I'll do what you say, but I'm making a list of expenses and sending _you_ the bill."

Severus raised his wand to deliver a hex- to pay her back for everything she'd ever put Lily and her son through- but a pain shot through his head, and he winced.

"Fine- bill me. I don't care. I'll pay the boy's expenses, if you can't manage even that level of decency. But I'll be watching- I'll know if every cent isn't spent on his care. And if you tell anyone-"

"You're still ashamed, aren't you," Petunia said, a malicious glint in her eye. "You're still hiding what you and Lily were up to from the rest of the world, for all your fine talk about respecting her."

"I don't know what you mean, Petunia," Snape said scathingly.

"Oh, of _course _you don't," Petunia said sarcastically. "I'll wait for your bloody owl. Now get out of my house."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Reason and Rationalization

An empty coffee cup and pepper-up vial lay among the clutter on Severus's desk, noticeable only to the most astute observer as being fresh. Severus sat at his desk, ignoring the mess. There was a stack of empty parchment before him, and though he did not write, he clutched a quill as though doing so would help his mind move.

A bottle of unopened _cognac_ sat nearby. It was a present from Professor Sinistra, with whom he did not converse often. Severus planned to regift the bottle to Filius. He wished to avoid the smell of the wretched stuff- otherwise, he would have smashed the bottle on the ground.

No drop of liquor had ever touched Severus's lips, even in his otherwise reckless youth. He'd despised his own alcoholic father too much to ever make that man's mistakes.

No- all of his mistakes had been entirely his own.

Severus took a deep breath and re-centered. Right now, he needed to concentrate.

It had been his habit, for as long as he could remember, to examine all of the pieces of a puzzle individually before trying to put them together. After all, the probability of a long string of conjectures could never be _greater_ than the sum of its parts.

So… working backward…

Severus's interview with Petunia had been _strange, _ to say the least. It was clear that Petunia believed Severus and Lily had engaged in an affair at some point. What's more, Petunia seemed to think that there was enough of a possibility that Severus was Harry's father to foist responsibility of the boy onto him.

This, of course, was absurd. Harry Potter was the spitting image of his father, and if there was any spell or potion that could alter a child's appearance to hide paternity- while the child was _still growing –_ then there would be a lot more happily ignorant pureblood husbands in the world.

Severus smirked, remembering the tantrum Rookwood had thrown when he'd first seen his own wife's offspring. Then Severus frowned and focused his mind once more.

It was possible that Petunia had never met James Potter- the two sisters had been estranged long before Lily's death. Had they been estranged before Lily and James were married? Severus thought he remembered seeing the sisters speaking at Harold Evans' funeral, which he had attended despite the rift between himself and Lily. He had skulked at the back of the church, watching, but he could not recall whether he'd seen Lily and James sitting together, or whether the event had taken place before Lily's marriage.

Severus paused. A headache was beginning to throb just behind his eyes.

He would think of this later, he decided. It was too painful to relive that memory, now.

So he moved to the next piece of the puzzle- why the headmaster had allowed the boy who lived- the wizarding world's prophesied hero- to live in an abusive and neglectful home.

"Why is this surprising?" Severus whispered to himself. "Has he proven himself eager to help the abused children in his care, before? Was he eager to help _me _ when I was abused at home and openly bullied in school?"

Still the boy who lived should be different than a troubled Slytherin child. Severus remembered the favoritism that Dumbledore had shown to the Gryffindors when he was in school- particularly the favoritism he'd shown Black after that deadly prank-"

This was another subject that made Severus's head ache. He skipped to the next piece of the puzzle.

"Ok- the mirror," Severus thought. "Why is it broken?"

The mirror of Erised, according to the Headmaster, and according to all of the lore surrounding it, showed the user the deepest desires of their hearts. In all fairness, the mirror _had_ done as reported- it had showed Lily alive, standing by his side. Just because James's presence hadn't fit the known pattern didn't mean that the mirror had malfunctioned. It was possible, Severus reasoned, that the mirror possessed a second power, hidden to time.

But- what power could that possibly be?

Severus closed his eyes and remembered as best he could. He rejected any false memory that his desire to rationalize could conjure. James had not stood by Severus's side defeated- a broken servant, like he wanted to believe. James's eyes had still possessed their fire. His grin had been cocky and self-assured. James had been a- what?

Friend?

More than friend?

Severus's headache grew almost unbearable. He stood and went to the washroom, which adjoined his office and his private chamber, where he kept a well-stocked potions cabinet. He downed a pain-relieving potion and shivered as it took effect- a pleasant tingle running up his spine and into his scalp.

He turned his thoughts back to Potter's image in the mirror. He'd almost quivered under Potter's burning gaze. When he recalled the image of their hands entwined, he could almost _feel_ the pressure of warm, strong fingers grasping his hand.

What had the mirror _done_ to him?

Perhaps, he realized with a sudden start, _that _was the mirror's hidden power. Perhaps the mirror had the power to create desire- to change a person's greatest hate into their greatest love. If that was the mirror's power, then the headmaster had devised a clever trap, indeed. The Dark Lord, or the Dark Lord's servant, would go to the mirror seeking the stone, and would return Dumbledore's servant.

A tiny note of doubt played from the back of Severus's mind. The explanation felt like a rationalization- the same as the false memories of a subservient James Potter. Still- Severus could at least _test_ his theory. All he would need would be a vial of _veritaserum._

#

Severus was used to bending rules, and this time, he knew the justification was worth the risk. Luckily, there were no pesky portraits in the dungeons that may report his doings to the headmaster.

Still, when the boy looked up at him with those green eyes, Severus felt a lump of unaccustomed guilt well in his throat.

The detention had been easy to arrange. Weasley had cajoled Potter into goofing around in class and Potter, as ever, had followed Weasley's example. Severus had to hand it to Weasley, however. The boy was loyal enough to demand detention alongside Potter, since they'd both been goofing around.

Severus had to use his most intimidating glare to silence Weasley's protests.

Now Potter was where he needed him- alone in the potion's classroom after dinner. He avoided the potions-master's gaze as he settled in, taking quill and parchment from his satchel.

"Put away your quill, Mr. Potter. I will not assign you any task as useless as lines," Severus said. "Take out your cauldron and turn to page 114. I want you to brew the potion you were too busy to brew _properly_ in class."

Potter glared up at Severus, but obeyed.

Several times throughout the process, Severus felt the urge to snap at the boy for his sloppy technique. But it would not do to upset the boy's equilibrium. The potion potter was brewing was not difficult, so sloppy technique would not disturb it, but distraction would.

Severus needed the potion to remain inert.

Instead, Severus studied the boy as he worked. Without distractions, the boy was at least able to work efficiently. In fact, he seemed quite adept at slicing and chopping the ingredients. Petunia had used the boy as a house-elf, no doubt.

In short order, Potter had brewed his potion, flasked it, and brought the flask for Severus to examine.

Severus did not speak. Instead, he turned his back to Potter as he examined it, under the pretense of holding it closer to the lantern on the other side.

The boy had done well. The potion was not the exact shade of pearly-white, but it was close enough. Severus surreptitiously dropped two drops of _veritaserum _into the potion before turning to face the boy once more.

"So far, so good. Now- test it."

Potter took the vial, and then paused, gazing at Severus with mistrustful eyes.

_My, aren't we cunning?_ Severus thought. Out loud, he said, "what's the matter? It's only a simple relaxation draught- hardly stronger than chamomile tea. If you have brewed it _correctly, _you have nothing to fear.

Potter snatched the bottle back from Severus and downed the contents.

_That's more like it. Good Gryffindor._

"Sit down and wait for the potion to take effect," Severus said, gesturing to Potter's seat. "I don't want you to fall over if you brewed it too strong."

Potter sat down, and Severus watched his eyes as they grew sleepy.

Severus had thought to question the boy using legilimency, but the pain of looking into the boy's eyes made that task difficult, and in any case, legilimency was a lot messier than _veritaserum_. Combined with the relaxation draught, Potter would not put up a fight, and no disturbing memories would accidentally surface.

"You understand, Mr. Potter, why I asked you to stay instead of Weasley?"

"Because you hate me, Sir?" Potter said without emotion.

"Ah good- an honest answer. Actually, Potter, I wanted to discuss the midnight excursion you took over Christmas."

Potter did not reply.

"It was very wrong, of course- using your father's cloak like that, and then leaving it bunched on the floor. Say- where did you get your father's cloak? Was it in his vault?"

"No- I got it for Christmas."

"From whom?"

"I don't know. The note had no signature."

"What did the note say?"

"_Your Father left this in my possession before he died. It is time it was returned to you. Use it well."_

Shock hit Severus like a lorry, and for a moment, he didn't know why. Then something like a memory struck him, and he staggered.

_"If you look very closely, you will see the faint outline of the symbol- the symbol of the deathly hallows. This cloak is said to hide its user from death itself."_

Then a headache began to take hold, and Severus shook himself away from the memory- away from the pain- and tried to think.

If the cloak _was_ such an object, then whomever had kept the cloak from Potter while he was in hiding may very well have meant for him to die. After all, Potter must have known what artifact he possessed, and would never let it out of his hands while he was in danger. But then- why would the culprit give it back to the boy?

"Mr. Potter, where is your cloak now?"

"In my trunk."

"Keep the cloak on your person, Potter. Keep it safe, and be ready to put in on if there is danger. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Are you- do you feel like it is safe for you to return home, this summer?" Severus said in a rush.

"I don't know if it's safe."

"Do your Aunt or Uncle beat you?"

"No."

"Does your cousin beat you?"

"Yes."

"Do you get enough to eat at the Dursley's?"

"No."

Severus's head was spinning. Hearing the boy admit to his neglect and abuse so coolly set him on edge, yet he'd had to confirm it.

Severus took a deep breath and refocused.

"What did you see in the mirror, Mr. Potter?"

"I saw my family."

"Who did you see specifically, Mr. Potter? Tell me their names."

"I saw my father, James Potter, and I saw my mother, Lily Potter. I don't know the others' names- I think they were my grandfathers, grandmothers…"

"Did you see a man with horn-rimmed glasses? And a woman with wavy red hair and a floral dress?"

"Yes, I did."

That, Severus knew, had been Lily's parents.

"Did you see anyone else you knew- anyone you had previously considered to be an enemy?"

"I saw you standing beside my parents."

_Strange,_ Severus thought. Was he really the boy's worst enemy?

"Did your feelings toward me improve when you saw me?" Severus asked.

"No- I still hated you." The boy said bluntly.

"And you still hate me now?"

"Yes."

Until the end, the boy's answers had fit the pattern. He's seen his heart's desire- the desire for a loving family- and then he'd seen his enemy. In this case, however, the magic had not worked on the boy- his feelings toward his enemy had not changed.

No- that was the wrong train of thought, Severus realized. If Potter's feelings hadn't changed, then it was because that was not the mirror's magic. In fact, Harry might only have seen Severus because he'd entered the room.

"Very well, Mr. Potter. The potion will wear off soon."

He drew his wand and said, "_Obliviate."_

Potter staggered, glassy-eyed, and Severus bent down to whisper.

"You will forget everything that happened here tonight after you brewed your potion. You are tired- you wish to avoid your friends until morning. Go to bed, wake up, and then put your cloak in your satchel."

Potter nodded slowly, and then turned to go.

Severus fell back, sitting on the edge of his desk. He felt the overwhelming desire to sleep and leave all of his thoughts for the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dreams and Foolish Things

"_I love you, Sev. Please, no matter what happens, remember that I love you."_

_ Severus sat up to gaze at the girl with shining auburn hair._

_ They were in a field, at the park where Lily and Severus had spent so many happy childhood days. Lily sat beside him, running her fingers through grass as green as her clear, earnest eyes._

_ "But- are you _in_ love with me?" Severus urged. "Do you really love me as something more, or only as a childhood friend_?"

_"I-I don't know," Lily said falteringly. Then her eyes flashed, and she grasped Severus's hand. "But I will figure it out- I will- because I promised. You and James have done everything I've asked, so I owe it to you both to choose."_

_ "Why?" Severus took his hand from Lily's and tore at the grass- a small, senseless act of destruction. "Why are you playing with me like this? Why are you playing with my heart?"_

_ "Because I know I can't save you," Lily said. "But if I try something new- something unexpected- then maybe I won't have to."_

_The scene suddenly shifted. _

_Severus was in the same park, in the same place he'd been before, but he was standing, now, and Lily was gone. The sun had set, and the stars twinkled in syncopation to the rhythm of the crickets' song. _

_ James Potter stood before Severus. He clutched a broomstick in his right hand, and he gazed at Severus with a quizzical expression as he ran his left hand through his messy hair. _

_ "Before I go- why did you do this, Snape?"_

_ "Why did I do what?"_

_ "Why did you walk me back to the park? Why did you protect me from those thugs?"_

_ "Because you don't belong in this neighborhood, and it shows."_

_ James looked down at his button-up shirt, white cardigan, and freshly pressed chinos._

_ "But- these are muggle clothes, aren't they?"_

_ Severus groaned. "That's not what I mean. You come from money, Potter, and those thugs could see that a block away- even in the dark."_

_ James stared at his clothes for a time, and then looked up at Severus- his expression bewildered. "Even so- why didn't you just let them mug me?"_

_ Severus shrugged. "You surprised me tonight, Potter. It was decent of you to tell Lily's parents that the cokes were your fault- to take the blame for both me and Lily, even though it was unnecessary."_

_ "And my ignorance was pretty amusing, wasn't it?" Potter said with a cheeky grin._

_ Severus's face grew warm, and he turned away with a shrug. "It doesn't matter. Now we're square."_

_ Severus turned back to Potter, who nodded. "Fair enough. You surprised me tonight, too, you know. It's clear you respect Lily's parents- her father, especially."_

_ "He's earned my respect," Severus said simply. _

_ "Then- why?"_ _James stepped closer to Severus, his voice almost pleading. "Why do you hang out with blood-purists? Why are you going to join the death eaters, if you respect Lily's muggle family so much?"_

_ "Your ignorance is astonishing, Potter," Severus growled. _

_ "Don't deny it, Snape," Potter said, his cheeks becoming flushed. "I know who your friends are, and I know what you're planning…"_

_ "Not that," Severus said. He put his hand to his head, and then looked up at James, who stood expectantly before him. "You don't know muggles, Potter; you've never spent any time around them. You just know the nice stories you hear from your blood- traitor parents. The truth is that most muggles aren't anything like the Evans'. The vast majority of muggles are like the thugs you met tonight- mercenary, vicious, and willfully ignorant of the true nature of the world. You should come back and have dinner when Lily's jealous sister and her stuck-up boyfriend are at home. Better yet, come to my house just across the river, so you can meet my charming muggle father. Just don't expect dinner- he'll be in a drunken stupor, if you're lucky."_

_ "Your- father…"_

_ "I don't want your pity, Potter," Severus said, cutting James off. "Just- look around and use your head, for once. I've watched for years as Mr. Evans has given everything he has for this miserable, run-down parish, and all his parishioners give back are complaints and empty offering-plates while they drink away his charity. Mrs. Evans and Lily have helped him, uncomplaining, even though it means they can't have a nice house or store-bought clothes. Mr. and Mrs. Evans, and Lily, are the only genuinely good people I've ever met."_

_ Potter looked down for a moment, and when he spoke, there was an uncharacteristic softness to his voice. "The Dark Lord won't see the difference, Snape. He won't care if Mr. and Mrs. Evans are good. To him, they are just more muggles."_

_ "But I can see the difference, and I will protect them."_

_ "You'll die."_

_ "Wow, Potter. I didn't know you cared," Severus bit out. _

_ Potter did not argue. Instead he cocked his head curiously, and then adjusted his glasses. _

_ "Speaking of which- why did you agree to Lily's proposal? Why play this bizarre game?"_

_ "I agreed because I want Lily to forgive me. I don't intend to lose her to you."_

_ James laughed. "Then let the games begin. I don't intend to lose her, either."_

_ Before Snape could respond, James mounted his broom and winked at Severus. "I'll see you next Friday for our date, Severus." James said, putting emphasis on Severus's given name. "Meet me here at Seven, and wear something you can ride in."_

_ And with those words, James was off into the glittering night sky. _

Severus sat up, covered in sweat, in his bedroom behind his Hogwarts office. The dream had been so vibrant- so real- almost like a memory.

And yet, Severus had no recollection of it at all.

#

"Ok, Snape is definitely up to something," Ron whispered.

"We know, Ron," Hermione hissed back.

Harry looked back to the front of the room, staring openly at the greasy potions master. The man had been growing more and more distracted all semester, and now the classroom was in open chaos while he ignored it, which was insane. There was usually no way he would ignore an opportunity to yell at rowdy Gryffindors and deduct house points.

Even so, the man had come to class late, gestured vaguely to the instructions on the board, and then sat, pouring over what looked like a stack of old notebooks while the students chatted and half-heartedly chopped ingredients.

Snape's usually slicked-back hair hung in greasy ropes around his face as he leaned over the notebooks- and he flipped back and forth through the pages as though he was looking for something.

"This is probably a good sign," Hermione whispered. "If he's this distracted, he must be stumped by the headmaster's efforts to protect the _stone."_

Hermione's voice rose on the last word, and Snape looked up from his notebook. Hermione, realizing her mistake, slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Miss Granger, please see me after class," Snape said.

And then he turned to his books once more.

At that moment, the classroom went silent, and for the rest of the session, everyone focused on their potions. Snape's vague request that the best student stay behind, apparently, was far more threatening than his yelling and docking points. By the time double-potions was over, all of the cauldrons were clean and stacked, and a row of capped potions vials stood in a neat row at the end of Snape's desk, every one of them the same shade of light periwinkle.

As the rest of the class filed out, Hermione, Harry, and Ron approached Snape's desk tentatively, but Snape ignored their presence as he continued to read. After a few moments of silence, Hermione gasped and leaned closer to the notebook in Snape's hands.

"What is it, Miss Granger?" Snape said absently.

"it's just- is that integral calculus?" Hermione asked. "I recognize the symbols, but the formulas don't seem quite…"

Harry expected Snape to scold Hermione for reading over his shoulder, and perhaps tell her off for being nosy. Snape, however, seemed to disregard her presence.

"This is a simple cipher, Miss Granger, using formulas from both calculus and arithmancy."

"A cipher- oh!" Hermione turned away, seeming to remember herself. "I'm so sorry Professor. I didn't mean to pry."

"Nothing of any true import will ever be hidden by a cipher, Miss Granger. Real secrets are sealed and bound by magic. These are just my notes from an old study group I belonged to in school," Snape said, seeming too distracted to care whom he spoke to.

"Oh- I see," Hermione stammered.

"Is there anything else I can help you with, Miss Granger?"

"You- you asked to see me after class?" Hermione said.

Snape sighed heavily and dropped the notebook on the desk, the strange symbols and formulas on full display.

"Yes, that's right." Snape, seeming to remember himself, turned to glare at Harry and Ron. "What are you two doing here?"

Harry, refusing to be cowed, glared back at Snape. "No reason."

"If you're going to be cheeky, Mr. Potter, why not say outright that you wish to protect Miss Granger from your evil professor? That way, at least you get some relationship credit out of it."

Harry stared at Snape, feeling put off-balance, as the professor got up and began to pace.

"I swear, the three of you need lessons in _slytherining._" Snape ranted. "You sneak around the school uncovering secrets no one ought to know, but then you discuss everything in public."

Snape paused and then whirled around, moving his wand so quickly the motions looked like a blur. A faint glow seemed to settle into the ceiling and walls, and for a moment Harry heard a faint humming in his ears.

In that moment, though Harry didn't know why, he felt trapped.

"Tell me, Miss Granger. How was is that you were clever enough to find out about the stone, but dunderheaded enough to blurt it out in the middle of _double potions with slytherin?"_

"I-" Hermione began, and then seemed to freeze.

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Snape stepped back to glare at all three children. "I will make this simple enough for even Gryffindors to understand. Don't talk about the stone within earshot of others. Don't pass notes about the stone, even if you plan on burning the notes later. Don't _think_ about the stone when someone is looking you in the eye. And- above all- don't go _looking for_ the stone. Is that understood?"

Hermione and Ron muttered, "yes sir," but Harry clenched his fists in anger.

"We know you're after it," Harry said baldly. "We won't let you take it."

Snape gave Harry a withering glance. "Ok, Mr. Potter, you do that. If I try to take the stone, you have my permission to hex me. Otherwise, stay away from it- is that clear?"

Harry's cheeks burned with the sting of the insult. "Fine. Can I go?"

Snape waved his wand, and the dungeon's walls dulled. Harry's ears felt as though they had popped.

"Mr. Potter, I would speak with you alone. Miss Granger and Mr. Wealsey, you may wait for him in the hall. Don't worry- if he hasn't come out in ten minutes, you may tell the headmaster to call the aurors."

Hermione and Ron smiled apologetically at Potter as they left. Snape watched them go with something like amusement glinting in his eyes, and then he turned back to Harry.

"Mr. Potter, I noticed that you received a package at breakfast, today."

"I did," Harry said slowly. "I didn't get anything banned by Filch, if that's what you-"

"Really potter, why must you always be so defensive?" Snape said, and then winced, putting his hand to his head as though he was in pain.

Harry hesitated. "Professor?"

"Sudden headache- brought on by _stress_, no doubt," Snape said, eyeing Harry as though all the stress was his fault. "I was only going to ask if there was anything you still needed."

"Needed?" Harry said, taken aback.

"Yes. I noticed you had forgotten to pack winter clothes. Do you have everything you need, now?"

"I-" Harry felt as though the floor had dropped out from beneath him. He had been surprised enough when he'd received a parcel that morning, which contained a coat, gloves, shoes, jumper, socks, and even a knit cap. All of the things had been new and in his size- clearly not hand-me-downs from Dudley- and though the address had been written in his aunt's hand, there had been no note to explain it.

Now, Professor Snape of all people was asking if he needed anything else. Harry wondered if Peeves was going to start handing out candy, or if Filch was going to start giving out hugs.

"Mr. Potter are you awake? At least close your mouth before you catch any flies."

"Yes, I- I have everything I need," Harry said hastily. "It's just- why do you care?"

Snape smirked. "Oh- I'm just losing my mind. Haven't you noticed? Besides, as much as you and I dislike each other, I dislike your aunt Petunia even more."

"My aunt? How do you know my aunt?"

"Well, once she called me a freak, so I dropped a tree on her. Is that sufficient?"

Harry nodded. It was a surprisingly good description of how Snape and Aunt Petunia might meet.

"Then please- get out of my classroom and go bother your other professors."

Harry spun and hurried from the room, before Snape could hit him with any more surprises.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Eternal Tangles

Severus Snape was only certain of two things, now.

He had lost his mind.

There wasn't enough tea or coffee in the world to help him get it back.

After Severus's interview with Harry Potter, he'd felt a strange regret burning in his chest along with the desire to do something more for the boy- to go to him, reassure him that everything was alright. Then, when he'd questioned this impulse, he'd gotten a headache so severe he could hardly stand.

Severus barely managed to finish his classes and fill in his gradebook for the week before he stumbled to Madame Pompfrey's office- something he should have done weeks ago, when the headaches had started. Poppy's examination had revealed no physical issues, so she'd asked him if anything in particular seemed to be triggering the headaches. Severus had answered without thinking.

"Recalling painful memories."

Poppy had therefore declared his headaches to be the product of stress, and had sent him away with a calming draught and instructions to spend the weekend resting in his quarters.

Severus returned to his office, but he did not rest. A lightbulb seemed to have gone off in his mind- the recollection that if a powerful occlumens gets headaches in response to a pattern of thought, it means that his mind is fighting something. This had been known to happen in response to a sufficiently powerful _imperio,_ false memory charm, or obliviation.

Severus had suspected something was amiss with his mind when he's seen the mirror of Erised, but he'd dismissed mind-magic for more concrete explanations. Then, the week earlier, he'd gotten the first in a series of strange dreams that confirmed that the problem was, indeed, with him and not the mirror.

The dreams seemed so real that, if he didn't know better, he'd have thought he was recovering obliviated memories. The problem was that the dreams didn't make any sense. Why would James Potter declare that he would fight for Lily's affection, and then ask Severus- his most hated rival- on a _date?_ Why would Lily, the most honest and straightforward girl he knew, play strange and mysterious games with two boys' hearts? It was all too impossible to be real.

Most compelling of all, Snape still recalled the fight he'd had with Lily in fifth year. Lily's words outside the portrait hole had been painfully true and brutal in their finality, "you've chosen your path; I've chosen mine." The pain of recalling this was still too raw after all of these years to be the product of a false memory.

Still…

Severus took out his sixth year notebook and opened it to the first marked page.

He had spent the week going through all of his school notes. His memories of the first five years' notes were clear and accurate. He and Lily had started Hogwarts at the bottom of their year; Lily had formed a terrible mental block when told she must do wand movements and incantations to perform charms she'd performed effortlessly her whole childhood- "accidentally," she'd been told dismissively by the professors, though they'd never been accidental at all. Severus, on the other hand, had his childhood education neglected, and had struggled to read his textbooks and write his papers with proper spelling and grammar. The two had, therefore, formed a study group, meeting each evening in the library to teach each other remedial lessons no one else would teach. Over time, they'd worked their way up to the top of the class.

By third year, Lily and Severus had started to branch out beyond the standard school curriculum. Lily threw herself into experimental charms, and she applied her summer studies in muggle science to make great strides in astronomy and potions. Severus, for his part, applied his love of dark, forbidden knowledge to potions and to practical defense, inventing his own jinxes and elixers.

Lily and Severus had shared all of their discoveries with each other until the end of fifth year. During sixth year, Severus had poured himself entirely into curses and mind-magic, and had eventually joined the death-eaters. Lily had apprenticed under Professor Flitwick, during which time she'd created a way to use muggle devices to detect magic from far away- she'd called it a 'mana-interference radio telescope' – and for this discovery had become the youngest charms mistress in over a century.

They'd been accomplished in their own ways, but after the end of fifth year, their studies had never again crossed- or so Severus had thought.

Yet- here in his sixth and seventh year notebooks, over and over, he saw evidence of Lily's handiwork. Beneath a curse he'd invented there was the outline of an arithmancy chart, in Lily's handwriting, showing the exact arc the wand movement should make. A few pages later, Severus's own potions knowledge was added to a formula for magic-enhanced _rocket fuel,_ which no death eater would have had any interest in, but Lily most certainly would.

Worst of all, among his notes for occlumency and legilimency were two test subjects, named Mr. Gold and Miss Scarlet, beside a table showing the results of attempts to block and reach Severus's mind, arranged meticulously by date and time.

Severus distinctly remembered learning mind-magic _alone._

So, it seemed, he must have been obliviated to some extent. If the obliviation covered multiple years of specific memories, then it would have required a very powerful wizard to cast. This might explain why, in the attempt to recover the memories, his mind was generating nonsense instead.

What had been hidden from Severus? Had he made another attempt to gain Lily's forgiveness, succeeded, and then had another, more painful falling out? If so, he might have obliviated himself to dull the pain.

But then- why not obliviate himself of the first fight, as well? Why not obliviate his other painful memories, like being abused by his father, neglected by his mother, and bullied by James?

Thoughts of James brought on another headache, which was not a good sign.

Severus put his notebook away and went to his closet. He had extended it twice, but it was still crammed with all of the odds and ends he felt loathe to store at Spinner's End. He shoved some things aside and managed to find what he sought- a wizard's Victrola and a stack of old records. He sifted through the albums- David Bowie, Kate Bush, some wizard punk group- had he ever liked such trash? Finally, he found what he sought- _Vivaldi: the Mandolin Concerti._

Vivaldi was the most soothing music he knew, and if he wished to unlock what his mind had hidden, he would need to relax.

He put the needle on the record, and after a few pops and snaps the music swelled. Severus sat in his chair, leaned back, and closed his eyes.

_Yes, that's it,_ he thought to himself. _Don't try to think. Let the music carry you where you need to go. Let the current pull you…_

_ The music brought an image to him- a gondola drifting through venetian canals. He could almost see the stone bridges that passed overhead, only momentarily blocking the vibrant blue sky. Water lapped the sides of the gondola. He heard sound of soft laughter under the sweet, supple tones of the mandolin, felt a presence, warm and comforting, to his left and to his right._

_ An achingly beautiful voice whispered in his ear. "I'm so happy that we can be like this forever."_

_ The bright blue sky dimmed, day faded into night, and the scene melted and re-formed around him. Now Severus sat at a wicker table, under the eaves of a whitewashed gazebo. The scent of Jasmine hung heavy in the summer air. Lily sat on his right side, and James to his left. There was an ornate goblet before each of them, and at the center of the table was a silver pitcher. _

_ "Trust me, Severus," James said, drawing a silver knife from his formal robes. _

_ Amazingly- impossibly- Severus felt a great surge of love and trust swell in his heart. Severus held out his hand, palm up, while James raised the knife._

_ James slashed the knife once, twice, thrice. Crimson blood flowed. _

_ "Hands over the pitcher," James said, dripping own blood into the ornate pitcher. "The stone is within. From albedo to rubeus, blood of my blood, let immortality come forth."_

_ "Blood of my blood, let immortality come forth," Lily repeated. She held her hand over the pitcher, letting her blood fall into it. A soft glow emanated from inside the pitcher. _

_ "Join us," James said to Severus. "Mingle your blood with ours. Be with us forever."_

_ "Forever…" Severus whispered, raising his hand._

_ Blood mingled. Souls intertwined._

_ The scene shifted again, and Snape felt himself falling- falling into darkness. _

_ "There's more to the world than death-eaters vs. marauders. Your obsession with James is driving you toward the darkness," Lily's voice echoed. "I'm not asking you to forgive him- after what he's done to you, he hasn't earned that. But please, try to find _some_ path to closure. Uncover your feeling for him; follow wherever they lead."_

_ Then Severus opened his eyes, and he saw a bright, spacious bedroom with a king-sized bed, dressed all in white. Lily sat up in bed, tired and disheveled, but beaming with happiness. In her arms lay a baby with green eyes and a head full of fuzzy black hair. _

_ "I'm sorry," Lily whispered. "He looks like James."_

_ "No- never be sorry for that," Severus said fiercely. "I love the way he looks."_

_ Lily looked up and smiled, and then held the baby out to Severus. Severus took the child, tucking the fuzzy black head safely into the crook of his arm. _

_ "I will never love Harry any less," Severus promised. "He is my son, just as much as he would be with a hooked nose and black eyes."_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sanctuaries

As strange as his dreams had been, Severus had found one truth within them- he did not hate Harry Potter.

The feeling that pierced Severus's heart every time he looked at the boy was not hatred- it was pain. He felt wretched that the boy was not his own son. He felt agony that he wasn't allowed to love the boy as his own- to do right by him, and be a father to him. He felt jealousy…

_Ouch-_ no, that wasn't jealousy. That was just the headache Severus experienced whenever something inspired his incongruent feelings toward James.

Still, why shouldn't he be jealous? Severus had loved Lily- he'd wanted to marry her and have children with her. Of _course_ he wished Harry was his son.

Whatever was wrong with the mirror, his own mind, or his dreams, they had forced Severus to face some uncomfortable truths, and some of his bitterness was slipping away. Perhaps, Severus thought, that had been the mirror's puzzle. Perhaps what he'd really desired was to make peace with Lily's choices.

_That is also a rationalization,_ the sensible voice said from the back of Severus's mind.

Sometimes, Severus wished he was a happy idiot like everyone else.

"And you are certain that neither Harry nor Draco were harmed, last night?" Headmaster Dumbledore's baritone broke through Severus's reverie.

Severus had been sitting at breakfast while he thought, pushing eggs around his plate while the usual chatter echoed around the great hall. Just to his right, Dumbledore was having an animated conversation with the half-giant, Hagrid.

"They were alright, Headmaster, but whatever was out there sure spooked Harry," Hagrid said. "Thankfully, Bane frightened- whatever the thing was- away."

"I must go thank the centaurs for their help," Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

"I beg your pardon," Severus said, and both Dumbledore and Hagrid spun around to view him with matching expressions of surprise on their contrasting faces. "But- Rubeus- what exactly were the boys doing last night?"

"Detention with me in the forbidden forest," Hagrid said. "They were helping me find an injured unicorn."

"One of the unicorns that had been attacked by a monster?" Severus asked.

Hagrid heaved a massive shrug in reply- like a mountain about to avalanche.

Severus could feel his face growing warm, but he managed to check his anger. "Why, precisely, were two first-year boys serving detention in the forbidden forest at night, when a monster capable of harming the most innocent of creatures is on the loose? Has everyone gone completely mad?"

The headmaster's mouth twitched into a grin. "All this fuss for Mr. Potter, Severus? I didn't know you cared."

Before Christmas, Severus would have risen to the bait, and snapped back a defensive response. Now he was able to recognize the transparent diversion tactic, as any Slytherin should. After all, he'd said the same thing to James in his dream, when James had tried to warm him against joining Voldemort. "_I didn't know you cared."_

Severus took a deep breath, and his emotions remained in check.

"I spend too much effort to make sure the students don't blow themselves up in class," Severus said. "It would be a waste if they were eaten by dark creatures."

"Well, the boys are safe now, so no harm done," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "All we can do now is learn from our mistake. From now on, all detentions are to be served in the castle."

Then the headmaster turned back to his bubble and squeak, as though everything had been put to right.

Severus briefly wondered if he was the last responsible adult left in the whole castle, but a quick look at Minerva's sour expression brought him some reassurance.

#

After breakfast Severus returned to his room, returned to Vivaldi, and returned to his meditations, hoping to find a key to unlock the puzzle of his dreams. He descended into his mind more quickly this time; he had hardly closed his eyes before the visions began.

"_You have no idea what I've suffered at the hands of the muggles here, and then suffered at the hands of blood-traitors at school. Who else can I turn to but the Slytherins and the death eaters?" Severus was ranting. "You've certainly never been any help. You've bullied me, tormented me, and publicly humiliated me in the worst possible ways. Now, just to win Lily, you say you're sorry? And that you're trying to _**save me?**___You haven't earned that right, Potter."_

_ Severus looked down at the rough wooden table that separated him from James. He couldn't look at the boy who sat across from him, even though he knew he was right- even though he knew his anger was justified. _

_ Severus was still afraid to see the old look of hatred return to James's eyes. _

_ Fortunately, Severus couldn't block out James's voice. _

_ "You're right, Sev," James said quietly. "I know you don't want to hear me say, 'I understand' or even, 'I'm sorry.' I don't understand, and I haven't earned your trust yet- not after a single date and really hot make-out session. Though I have to admit that making out is a much better way of working out our aggression than fighting…"_

_ "I swear- if you hold that over my head-"_

_ "I won't- I promise."_

_ Severus scoffed, gripping a metal fork in his hand as though he meant to use it to impale the pizza that sat between them. _

_ "Forgive me if I don't trust your promises, either."_

_ "Then I'll stop making those, too."_

_ Severus looked up at James. James was not looking at Severus with hatred or contempt, but with a sort of gentle determination Severus didn't understand at all- though part of him was tempted to call it pity._

_ "So then- you're giving up on me?" Severus said, putting a challenge in his voice. _

_ "Merlin, no. I won't go back on a promise to Lily, and to be honest, I'm growing used to your company. No- I just meant that I'll spend less time talking and more time listening. I'll trust you to decide what you need."_

_ Severus dropped his fork and reached out to take a slice of pizza, hoping that the gesture seemed nonchalant. "Oh really? And what if I decide that I need to join the dark lord?"_

_ "Then I'll let you. No questions and no judgement."_

_ The slice fell through Severus's fingers and hit his plate, cheese down, with a wet _thwop_._

_ "I won't join the dark lord," James continued. "I would never do so in a million years- but I won't fight you if you decide to join. You were right; I don't understand what you're going through, and only you know what you need to do to survive it. So I'll try something different. I will prove that I'm trustworthy by trusting you."_

_ Severus aimed his most intense glare at James, but he did not flinch. James's expression remained steady and earnest._

_ "You would let me join, and then sell me out to Dumbledore."_

_ "Never. If you trusted me with that secret, then I would keep it for you, even if I joined Dumbledore. If you didn't trust me with the secret, then I wouldn't pressure you to tell. I'll just be here for you, whatever you decide."_

_ "But you hate the dark lord. Why would you do this?" Severus sputtered._

_ "Because I don't hate you, Sev- not anymore. I'm really starting to like you, so it would be stupid to try and change you. If we're going to be friends, then we have to feel free to be ourselves, utterly and completely."_

_ James Potter held his hand out across the table. _

_ For a moment, Severus felt as though he couldn't breathe. He'd never been struck by words so utterly unexpected. He'd never been so completely disarmed by anyone. He hardly knew what he was doing as he reached across the table to take James's hand. _

_ "I'm not making any promises, Potter," Severus whispered. "Whether I join or not- don't expect me to tell you."_

_ "That's ok, Sev. I don't need a promise."_

_ The scene shifted._

_ Severus was in a dining hall, which was lit with candles whose light danced on glittering crystal. Lily and James sat across from him- James in silk robes and Lily in a strapless dress, but both of them wearing the same shy smile._

_ "Do you think you would be willing to try?" Lily asked in a soft voice. She brushed a lock of hair behind her bare shoulder, and then leaned forward. "It's ok if you say no. This is even weirder than my game was, and I don't want to pressure you to do anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable."_

_ Severus hesitated, and then carefully grasped a crystal goblet, taking a long drink of water to soothe his parched throat. "If I said no," he asked, "would you- would the two of you…"_

_ "Would we be together without you?" Lily finished for him. _

_ "No," James answered firmly._

_ "Without you Sev- no. It wouldn't work out," Lily added._

_ "It would have to be a secret," Severus said slowly. "No one would understand- least of all the Slytherins."_

_ Lily cast a sly glance at James. "That means no _**bragging**_ about it."_

_ James's eyes went wide with an expression of mock innocence. "Would I ever?"_

_ "Yes!" Lily and Severus said together._

_ James laughed, a high-pitched, nervous sound. Then his expression grew sober. "I meant what I said. If you want me to keep your secrets, I will. Whatever you need, Sev."_

_ "Yes," Severus blurted without a second thought. "I want to try. I want to make this work."_

_ Three wands glowed with magic. _

_ Three cups glowed with holy light._

_ The infinite stars shone above. The planets turned on their spheres- no, not spheres. Lily had told him that planets did not turn on spheres, but revolved in ellipses with the sun at one focus- held to the sun by gravity, by the very thing that kept his feet to the earth._

_ But now he was bound, as well, by a force stronger than gravity, to two foci- Lily was the sun, and James something else- something unseen…_

#

Severus had stayed in his chair as long as he could, even after the dreams slipped away from him. He wanted more than anything to make his way back to that safe place. He wanted to keep that feeling of acceptance and unconditional love that he had never known in real life.

But the world did not stop turning, even on a Sunday. He opened his eyes to the real world that would not go away.

So Severus went back to his cluttered closet and started to dig around for any scrap of evidence he could find that he had been obliviated- that the safe place he'd found in his dreams had once existed, even if it had been with James, and even if his mind had twisted it around. If Severus had ever experienced such love for a single moment, it was worth any pain that would come after.

The closet was in worse disarray than Severus had thought. There were boxes of old potions papers, a bag of glass bottles he'd meant to get rid of but had forgotten about- there was even an old pizza box that looked like it was from the 70s. Severus was about to vanish with the other rubbish when he remembered the pizza parlor from his dream, and he hesitated.

After a few moments, he opened the box. Inside there were no grease stains or old crusts. Instead the box was clean, and it was filled with old letters.

Severus's blood went cold, and he had to sit down among the piles of rubbish to catch his breath. This was it- this was the evidence he'd been seeking!

He took the first piece of paper and unfolded it. It was blank.

Severus put it aside and opened another, but it was also blank. He went through note after note, some of which still had pieces of the broken seal attached, but all of which were blank.

He picked up the first note, again, and touched his wand to it. "_Revelio."_

Nothing happened.

Severus closed his eyes and thought. If he had truly tried to hide what was contained in these letters, then he wouldn't have made them so easy to reveal. He would have made sure he was the only one able to reveal the contents, perhaps by keying the reveal spell to a password.

"_Revelio _Lily. _Revelio _wolfsbane. _Revelio _camazotz. _Revelio _gemini."

The paper burst into flames and vanished.

Severus took a deep breath and leaned against the closet door. Obviously, he had charmed the letters to self-destruct if too many failed attempts were made to access them, so he would need to think carefully about this riddle, instead of rattling off all of his usual passwords.

He closed his eyes.

If these letters really did contain a hint to the mysteries hidden in his mind, then what would the password be? Was there any pattern to the dreams he was having- any object or place that he would have found significant enough to act as the password?

Severus opened his eyes and grabbed the next parchment.

"_Revelio _Laurelwood Park."

Ink appeared on the page- a series of scrawls written in three different sets of handwriting.

_Hey, Snivillus. Wash your hair._

_**Hey, Potter. Comb yours.**_

___You dream of combing your fingers through my hair, don't you, you perv?_

_**Fuck you.**_

___Promise?_

_**No- I wouldn't want you coming around every night, begging for more. It's not like anyone else would have you. **_

___Why do your fights always take such a homo-erotic twist? Seriously- get a room, you two, and work it out!_

The last hand had been Lily's.

The odd thing was that Severus _did_ remember this particular note. James had passed it to him in the library the week before O.W.L.s, when he'd presumably grown bored of studying, and Severus had passed back the note with his replies. Lily had, after a time, intercepted the note and wrote the last line. It was bizarre, Severus thought, that he had kept a note so full of the animosity and bitterness all three of them had possessed at the time.

Perhaps, Severus thought, he'd intended to torture himself.

At that moment there was a knock on the door. Severus shoved the parchment back into the pizza box and went to answer.

Professor Dumbledore strode into the room, picking up his robe as he stepped over a stack of records and a crate of empty potions bottles.

"A bit of spring cleaning, Severus?" Dumbledore asked serenely as he gazed at the chaos all around.

"Something like that," Severus said. "How can I help you, Headmaster?"

"If I might trouble you, Severus, I believe I asked for your contribution to the, er- _project_ by the end of this week."

"Oh yes- right," Severus said. Had it really been only a week since the headmaster had asked Severus to create a puzzle to protect the stone? Severus had the odd feeling of being a broken record- skipping his way through time with all sense of rhythm gone.

"Here, Headmaster," Severus said, handing Dumbledore a crate of multi-colored bottles and a parchment scroll. "There are two solutions to the puzzle, as you requested."

"Excellent. Thank you, Severus. Your hard work is appreciated."

Dumbledore turned to leave once more, and Severus found himself saying "wait" before he could stop himself.

Dumbledore turned back and looked at Severus evenly. "Yes?"

Severus twitched his wand to activate his security spells, and then spoke. "Headmaster, this plan of yours… I have some misgivings."

"Do you? What sort of misgivings?"

"This series of puzzles- it is not meant as protection, is it? It is a trap."

Dumbledore nodded.

"Headmaster, I have reason to believe that the mirror may not function the way you intend."

Severus half expected that the headmaster would dismiss Severus's concerns, or else deny anything was wrong with the mirror. Instead, the headmaster's eyes filled with concern, and he smiled a sad smile.

"Oh Severus, you haven't been _looking, _have you?"

"I have," Severus said.

"Severus, it is best you forget what you saw."

"I- what? But headmaster, why?"

"I can guess what you saw, Severus, and the mirror's message should be clear. It is telling you to let go of the past. Focus on the future. Guide and protect the next generation. You will only drive yourself mad if you worry about what might have been."

Severus recalled the thoughts he'd had to the same effect, and he might have tried to move on, if not for the dreams and the sense of _wrongness_ that would not let him be.

"Headmaster," he urged. "I can't just forget it. Something strange is happening. You must understand the danger."

Dumbledore sighed and spoke a single word.

"_Obliviate."_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The Other Side of the Glass

Severus woke up in a pile of rubbish with a throbbing headache.

He shifted slightly, his feet knocking over a pile of papers, and his elbow rattling a bag of soda cans. He shuffled on his hands and knees through the mess toward his potions cabinet, where he downed a very large dose of pain-relieving potion.

His head began to clear, and the pain was replaced with fatigue. He looked at the mess around him, and he wondered what had possessed him to start cleaning out his cupboard now, of all times. Finals were quickly approaching, and he was behind on grading papers. He had to spend half his evenings keeping tabs on Quirrel, and he'd already wasted a week's time making potions to help Dumbledore protect Flamel's… thing. He didn't have time to clean this mess.

Severus waved his wand, pushing everything into the corner of his room to deal with later. Right now, he needed to focus on his work- to get back into the routine of his daily life. Thinking was just too difficult.

#

The rest of the school year passed swiftly by Severus.

He avoided dealing with Harry Potter inside or outside of class. Even looking at the boy was enough to make his head ache, and he had enough to do without dealing with any added aggravation. Everything went much more smoothly when Severus kept a professional demeanor. He taught, graded papers, and prepared his exams without thinking, like an automaton. Before he knew it, the finals were over, graded, and Severus was back in his office, looking at the pile of junk he really needed to sort out before going home for the summer.

Severus could feel another headache coming on, so he plunged into his task with the intent to finish as quickly as possible. He vanished all of the rubbish first, including a collection of old papers he didn't bother to review, bags of old cans and bottles, busted potions equipment, and even an old pizza box that must have been in the closet since the late 70s.

With some satisfaction, he noted that there was enough room to store the remaining things on the cupboard's shelves. He filled one shelf with his old record collection, though he decided to leave his Victrola on his desk so he could enjoy music more often of an evening. He put the functional potions equipment, and the journals he wished to keep, on the opposite shelves, and then filled the back shelves with old books.

The floor of the cupboard was clear now, so he was able to step inside and look around. The shelves were all clean and stacked neatly, now, except for one book, which did not quite fit on the shelf with the other books. It was a wide, tall book, bound in brown leather, with a lumpy. Round spine.

Severus removed the book from the shelf, and then paused, puzzled, as he gazed at the initials embossed in the cover- SSEP. Those were not quite his initials, and he couldn't recall where the book had come from. It looked like a photo album, but the few photos he owned, he had stored in a lacquer box in spinner's end.

He opened the book and was surprised to see that all of the photos were white, as though they were undeveloped.

He waved his wand. "_Revelio."_

The pictures remained white.

He sighed and turned to the cover page, hoping to find some clue to whom the album belonged. There was, indeed, an inscription on the page.

_To Sev- thank you for the memories. I'm looking forward to more. _

_Love, Lily. _

"Impossible," Severus whispered.

Every small gift and memento he had of Lily's was treasured beyond words. It was impossible he'd ever have forgotten such a gift. But there was Lily's inscription, in her distinct handwriting.

Severus turned back to the blank photos. He must have keyed them to a password, as private as they were. But what password would he have used? He closed his eyes and emptied his mind, and two words drifted to his conscious mind.

"_Revelio, Laurelwood Park."_

Severus opened his eyes, and one by one, the photos faded into view- color, movement, and then form.

#

Severus was too stunned to react. He should have gasped, stumbled, or dropped the book, but his mind struggled to process what it was seeing.

The first picture was innocent enough- though seeing it caused his heart to ache. Lily was lying on a towel, sunbathing on a green lawn in front of a whitewashed gazebo. She wore a tube top and cutoffs, and her bare skin shone in the summer light. She turned to the camera, winked coquettishly, and then laughed.

In the next photograph, Lily and James sat in a venetian gondola, both of them dressed in white. Sitting between them was a man who looked exactly like Severus, except he was dressed in white instead of black, and he wore a shy, though genuine, smile. Severus could not ever remember having cause to smile in such a way.

As Severus watched, Lily, James, and Severus's doppelganger all threw their arms over each other's shoulders, as though they were the best of friends.

In the last photograph, at the bottom of the page, James, Lily, and the man who looked like Severus stood together, dressed in formal robes, under the eaves of the same white gazebo from the first photo. All three of them had their wands raised and crossed, in the attitude of a binding ceremony… a wizard's wedding.

The shock reached Severus, then.

He dropped the book, fell back, and then scrambled for the bathroom. His head was pounding with an almost blinding pain, and he barely made it to his potions cabinet before he stumbled. The potions bottles wobbled and fell, like a series of dominoes, and shattered at his feet.

He stood, alone, trying to think through his pain- the only relief he had lay in a puddle at his feet. Something was coming for him- some nameless wrongness, some great fear. He steadied himself, drew his wand, but he could think of no spell to cast.

_And, as in uffish thought he stood,_

_The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,_

_Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,_

_And burbled as it came!_

No- there was no time to think. There was something definitely wrong- something had been done to Severus's mind. He had to fix it _now._

Severus closed the potions cabinet and saw the mirror on the back of the cabinet door. He stared at his own reflection- his dark eyes were wide with fear. Then, all at once, they narrowed in determination.

"Legilimens," Severus said.

Then he was drawn through the mirror and into his dark eye, through the pupil, and into the tangled mind inside himself.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Let the Games Begin

Severus fell further and deeper into the darkest corners of his mind, sinking into a morass so thick he could hardly move or breathe. He struggled against the darkness until he felt a weakness. Then he pushed, harder and harder, until the weakness finally gave way.

And he was through, drenched in golden sunlight on the other side of the barrier.

He found himself staring a teenage boy- a boy in a tattered black t-shirt and ratty, oversized dungarees. The boy was standing on a curb, watching the house across the street through a curtain of greasy black hair.

Severus walked up to the boy- who despite his youth was almost a mirror image of himself- and said, "you are an idiot."

The boy did not respond. He continued to stare at the small, tidy house as though it were the Taj Mahal.

Just then a high voice sounded across the street like the crack of a whip. "Severus Snape! Get your butt over here, now."

The boy and man started in syncopation, and then the boy ran across the street as though compelled toward the voice, and Severus followed.

The two approached the side of the house, where an auburn-haired girl peered out of an open window, framed in climbing roses. The girl tossed her head and spoke with the air of a queen.

"Severus Snape, are you going to spend the rest of your life brooding at me?"

Severus watched in fascination as his younger self shrugged, kicking at a loose stone in the dirt.

"This is all we've ever wanted- a second chance. _Talk to her,_" Severus urged.

But the boy continued to ignore the elder Severus. It was as though Severus was viewing the memories through a pensive- he could see the memory, but he could change nothing.

"Hey- Sev," the girl continued in a gentler voice. "Either talk to me, or push me away completely. Don't just linger like this- like a ghost."

Young Severus shrugged again, kicking at the stone. "Nothing has changed since we had our fight. I apologized for calling you the m-word, and you refused to forgive me. What's left to say?"

The girl- Lily- sighed in frustration, dropping her haughty demeanor. "Oh, for heaven's sake, Sev- I wasn't just mad about the m-word… though you have to understand that it's bad enough on its own. You've been like this for months- refusing to talk to me about any of the scary things that you're getting involved in. Haven't you listened to me at all?"

"You haven't been listening to me," young Severus muttered.

Lily leaned her head on her hand in a thoughtful gesture. "That's why I called you over, actually. I noticed something when I saw you and James get into that fistfight on the train ride home, and I've been thinking."

Severus looked up, raising a curious eyebrow. "What was there to notice? James and I always fight."

Lily's lips twitched as though she were about to smile. "You must remember, Sev, that I'm exceptionally slow. No- don't interrupt my self-deprecation," Lily said quickly as Severus opened his mouth to object. "You aren't obligated by the rules of friendship anymore, and I'm not fishing."

The elder Severus noticed a crispness to Lily's tone- an energy that Severus had always understood to indicate she had formed some secret plan. His breath caught, and he waited.

"It only just occurred to me that every time I try to bring up dark magic or your death-eater friends, you change the subject to James Potter. I used to think you were just deflecting but- you aren't, are you? The truth is that James has chosen Dumbledore and light magic, and you want to be on the opposite side, fighting him."

Young Severus sighed. "Are you going to argue that it's a false dichotomy? Don't bother. I have reasons other than James Potter for making my choices."

"I'm sure you do, and I am starting to suspect that your reasons have a lot less to do with _me_ than I'd once thought."

Young Severus shrugged again, and the elder Severus had an overwhelming desire to throttle the boy.

"Well, I suppose I should just come to the point. I'm willing to forgive you, Sev."

Young Severus narrowed his eyes at Lily. "What's the catch?"

"The catch is that you come have dinner with my family- don't worry, Petunia will be out- and then stay after long enough to play five hands of cards."

Young Severus looked up at Lily, though his expression was still guarded. "That's all?"

"You have to stay until the fifth hand is through, no matter what happens. If you get through the evening, we'll be friends again. Do we have a deal?"

Young Severus reached out his hand, and then pulled it back. "You're up to something."

"Of course I am," Lily said, "but do we have a deal?"

The young man hesitated, and the elder Severus understood- for he now remembered- that the young man was calculating that he could leave if anything went terribly wrong that evening, and he would be no worse off than he was now. But if he could stay…"

Young Severus clasped Lily's hand, as though starved for the touch.

#

The elder Severus blinked, and then found himself inside the small house- a house which had once seemed to him the height of luxury. His younger self sat in the dining area off the kitchen, on a mismatched chair at a simple wooden table, trying his best not to mess up the crisply-laundered linen tablecloth.

The doorbell rang, and Mr. Evans- a middle-aged man in horn-rimmed glasses and a beige sweater vest- stood to answer.

"No no- sit and keep Severus company," Mr. Evans said cheerfully to his daughter. "I'll get it."

Mr. Evans stepped through the tiny living room to the front door. He blocked the view of the new guest, but both Severuses started when they heard the voice on the other side speak.

"Um- good evening, Sir. Is this the Evans residence?"

The voice was undoubtedly, unmistakably, James Potter.

"Indeed, it is. I'm Harold Evans, and you must be Mr. Potter. Won't you come in?"

Mr. Evans led the way back to the table, but as soon as James entered the dining area he froze, and he and Severus locked eyes. There was a tense silence for a few moments, and then both boys looked at Mr. Evans, seeming to realize that they were bound by circumstance to be civil.

"Hi James. Glad you could make it," Lily said, grinning.

"You look lovely this evening," James said with a bow. Then he turned and nodded curtly to Severus. "Snape."

"Potter," Severus returned just as curtly. Then he stood up. "Excuse me- I'll go see if Mrs. Evans needs any help in the kitchen."

At that moment, Mrs. Evans peeked her head around the partition that separated the kitchen from the dining area. "Oh, thank you Severus- that would be lovely." The woman emerged with a few trivets, which she handed to Severus. "Find a place for these on the table, dear, and then please come help with the large pan." She turned to James, holding out her hand. "I'm Rose Evans- Lily's mother."

"Nice to meet you," James said. "I can see where Lily gets her good looks."

The younger Severus rolled his eyes at this, though the elder Severus had to admit that James had a point. Though Mrs. Evans was a little grayer, and her figure a little plumper, she had the same wavy auburn hair, the same fine features, and the same green eyes as Lily. Lily was definitely a younger version of the woman.

In a few moments, Mrs. Evans and Severus had laid out a large casserole dish filled with shepherd's pie, bread and butter, and a tureen of greens. Then the family sat together and James looked around, taken off guard as the family- including Severus- all held hands. It was a ritual, it seemed, James did not experience at his own home, though he took Mrs. Evans's hand without complaint.

Then there was a moment of awkwardness, for James and Severus had found themselves seated next to each other. Severus gave James a warning glare, as though implying grievous bodily harm if James did not comply, and James took Severus's hand with an audible gulp.

The family all closed their eyes while Mr. Evans said the blessing, so they could not see the boys blushing madly. Severus, however, barely kept his composure after the prayer was over, and Lily opened her eyes and actually _winked_ at them.

"So James," Mr. Evans said, helping himself to a large serving of the shepherd's pie. "I understand you are a Hogwarts student as well. Are you in – what was that dorm called- Slytherin_, _like Severus?"

"Uh- no sir. I'm in Gryffindor, with Lily," James said with a forced smile.

"Oh- I thought perhaps Gryffindor was the girl's dorm."

"There's girl's and boy's dorms in each house," Lily explained, "but there are four houses. Slytherin and Gryffindor generally don't get along."

"Ah yes, you mentioned the house rivalry," Mr. Evans said. "_Two households, both alike in dignity- _though in this case I suppose it's four. I do hope you two boys don't allow civil blood to make civil hands unclean. It would be a shame to allow potential friendships to be ruined by such rivalries."

James stared at the man, as though stunned both by the sentiment and the way it had been expressed, but Severus spoke equably.

"I'm afraid not, Sir," young Severus said. "Potter and I are probably the worst rivals there are. Lily has had to break up our fights more than once."

James turned his stunned expression to Severus, who ignored it admirably, in the elder Severus's opinion.

"Well, that is a shame," Mr. Evan said, shaking his head. "I'm glad that you have this opportunity to break bread together, and put aside your differences, if just for one night."

"I'm glad too," James said, seeming to rally. He buttered a bit of bread, looking at Severus with a burning gaze that Severus seemed to squirm under. "I have to admit that I didn't expect Snape to be here, tonight. I'd thought he and Lily still weren't speaking, after their row."

"I've decided to forgive Sev, after all," Lily said breezily.

"I didn't know you'd been fighting," Mrs. Evan said, frowning at her daughter. "It's good you've made up, though."

"Forgiveness is balm to the soul," Mr. Evans added, nodding sagely.

"I'm sorry, but I can't agree, Da." Lily said. "Some things aren't forgivable, and it's unfair to put the burden of forgiveness on the victim, instead of putting the burden of reparations on the aggressor."

"The two aren't mutually exclusive," Mr. Evans said, "and forgiveness isn't necessarily befriending the aggressor, or letting their deeds go unrectified. Rather, it's a way for the victim to let go of the pain and bitterness of the past."

"If you are just going to _re-define_ forgiveness like that, it might was well not exist as a concept," Lily said, her voice raising. "There's nothing wrong with righteous anger."

James turned to Mrs. Evans in alarm, but Mrs. Evans laughed. "Oh- don't worry dear. Those two quite enjoy their discussions, even when things get heated. The livelier the debate, the better."

The dinner passed in this way- with Mr. Evans and Lily enjoying their lively debates while Mrs. Evans spoke sage words to keep the peace, and Severus and James looked on, distracted from their feud. After dinner, James watched with a look of astonishment as Severus helped Mrs. Evans clear the table. When the party went from the dining room to the living room, James seemed to be taking in the shabby furnishings, which were covered in neat crochetwork and embroidered slipcovers. He turned his gaze more than once to Severus's shabby t-shirt and dungarees, as though seeing them with new eyes.

_That's right,_ the elder Severus recalled. _He later told me that before tonight, he had thought I was merely sloppy, and never considered that I might not be able to afford better clothes. He'd never been in a neighborhood like this. _

After just a few moments of conversation, Mr. and Mrs. Evans stood to go.

"We're going to the church to set up the summer rummage-sale. No- don't worry about helping. There's not much left to do, and Lily mentioned that you young folk were going to play cards. Make sure you behave; we'll be back around nine."

"Bye Mum, Da," Lily said.

"Wow- your dad is willing to leave you alone with two teenage boys?" James said when the two had gone. "He's really cool."

"Don't you dare do anything to _violate_ his trust," Severus hissed at James.

"You're the one I was worried about," James shot back.

"Oh- shut up, you two," Lily said. "I'm getting the chip set from the closet. Sev- there are cokes in the pantry. Could you grab some?"

"Um- sure," Severus said, ducking into the pantry. Soon, the coffee table had been set up with cards, plastic chips, and snacks. James took one of the coke bottles in his hands, frowning at the label.

"Coca-cola? What in the world is that?"

"You've never had a coke, Potter?" Severus said incredulously.

James glared at Severus, but he said nothing.

"It's a muggle soda," Lily explained. "It's great when you need to stay up late and study, because it's full of cocaine."

James turned to Lily, aghast. "You're joking."

"It's right there on the label, James. _Coca-_cola," Severus sneered.

"Of course, in the muggle world, only grownups are allowed to drink it," Lily said. "But you won't tell Mum and Da that we've raided the stash- right?"

"It's- it's really legal here?" James said, aghast. "And your parents drink it? I thought your father was a _vicar, _Lily."

Severus pried the bottlecap off of his own soda and took a long drink. Lily's countenance broke as James stared at Severus, but she was able to wipe the grin off of her face when James turned back to her.

Lily took the bottle opener from Severus and pried her own bottle open, and then took a large gulp.

"Lily!" James said.

"Wow James, I'd never peg you for a goody two-shoes," Lily said.

"What's the matter, Potter? Chicken?" Severus urged.

James's eyes flashed with anger, and he grabbed the bottle-opener from lily and took a swig. Then he made a face.

"Ugh- it's _sweet."_

"Of course- they had to cover up the bitter flavor from the cocaine," Lily said. "Anyway, forget about the coke. I've always wanted to say this, and you're ruining the moment."

"You've always wanted to say what?" James said.

Lily cleared her throat, and her voice dropped an octave as she took on a tone of deadly seriousness_. "I suppose you're wondering why I've brought you here, today."_

There was a moment of silence as Lily's words sunk in, and then Severus spoke.

"I dunno- revenge?"

"Yeah- I vote revenge. That's the only reason you would force the two of us to spend an evening together."

"Actually, the revenge is just a side benefit," Lily said. "I brought you both here because I have a proposition for you."

"What kind of proposition?" James asked.

"It's a trap," Severus said. "Whatever she's about to propose, I promise it's a trap."

"She's not a Slytherin like you," James said hotly. "Why would she-"

"Oh no- Sev is right. It's definitely a trap," Lily said, cutting the cards.

"I- oh," James said, deflating.

"James- you've been asking me out all year. What if I were willing to give you a chance?"

"I- yeah! I'd love that," James said eagerly.

"And you, Sev-"

"I deserve a chance way more than Potter," Severus growled. "If you went out with me…"

He stopped, realizing what he'd said.

Lily blinked, as though she hadn't expected Severus to say that, either. "You want to go out with me?"

Severus, looking miserable, nodded.

"I see," Lily said slowly. She shuffled the cards in her hand, and then paused. "Ok- I can work with this."

She started to deal cards. "I will go out with both of you- two dates each- this summer. At the end of the summer, I will choose between you. Does that sound fair?"

"It sounds fair," James said with a confident grin.

"What's the catch?" Severus asked.

"The two of you have to-" Lily started, and then paused. "Sev- what I'm about to say… promise you won't freak out. Remember that you're allowed to say no. You only have to stay and hear me out."

"Alright, I promise," Severus said.

"Before I go out with either of you, I want you to go out on two dates with each other."

James dropped his cards, his mouth hanging open in astonishment. Severus, despite his promise, stood and shouted.

"_What?"_

"Sev- please," Lily said, standing. "Please, sit down."

"This is _James Potter, _in case you've forgotten. He can't be trusted. He's bullied and humiliated me for years- and now you want me to date him? No. This is too much," Severus said. "Good night."

He moved toward the door, but froze when Lily cried out, "_you promised!"_

Severus paused. "Lily- how could you? You know what he did to me."

"You give as good as you get, Snape," James said.

"Push me, and I will hurt you back. You're playing with fire, Potter," Severus said.

"You mean dark magic?"

"Sev- I know what he's done to you," Lily interrupted. "Don't deny it, James. You've started most of the fights. You've bullied him four to one. You assaulted him by the lake- it was brutal. Nothing can excuse that."

James seemed about to defend himself, but the searing look from Lily was enough to shut him up.

"I'm on your side, Sev," Lily said, turning back to Severus, "but there's more to this. Please, hear me out."

Severus sighed, his posture relaxing. "Fine. I'll hear you out, Lily. But don't expect anything more."

"That's fine. Just sit and play cards. Please."

Severus turned and sat down at the coffee table once more. He studiously avoided James's gaze, though he was sure James was laughing at him. The elder Severus, however, noticed that James did not laugh, but was blushing a fierce red all the way to the tips of his ears.

"My terms are this: James will not bully you, will not draw his wand on you, and will not do anything else to hurt you. If the two of you hurt each other in any way, then the deal is off- I won't date either of you. You don't have to forgive James or become his friend- not after what he's put you through."

Lily turned to James. "You are an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. This is your chance to prove me wrong about that."

"I… okay," James said, sounding flabbergasted.

"If you think he's a bully, then _why are you doing this?" _Severus ground out.

"Because you two have a lot of pent up feelings," Lily said. "I could tell when you were fighting each other, and I don't think you can ever fight those feelings away. I want you to get those feelings out of your system. If you can do that, then there might be hope."

Lily turned to Severus, her eyes shimmering in the evening light. "After our fight- I didn't have a lot of hope left. I'm acting out of desperation, but at least I'm _acting _instead of giving up."

The look on Lily's face was what did it- the elder Severus knew. No one, no matter how cynical, could stand up to the pleading, lost look in those bright green eyes. Young Severus's expression softened.

"This is… interesting," James finally said, sounding impressed. "It's been a long time since I've had an evening this interesting. I think I'm game, Evans."

"No pranking, James," Lily said. "If you don't act in good faith, the deal is off. I'll know if you pull any pranks- I'm not going out with you until _after_ you've already gone out with Severus."

Then Lily turned to Severus. "What do you think?"

"I think this is madness," Severus said.

"It is. And…?"

"If I go along with this madness, would you really date me?" Severus said slowly. "I mean a real date- not just hanging out like we always do. In other words, do I have a chance?"

Lily gazed at Severus a long time, seeming to look through him. Then she smiled, and the lost look in her eyes softened, and then vanished.

"You know what, Sev? You _do_ have a real chance."

Severus knew what his younger self felt- he had felt it himself, once. It was the kindling of young love- the burning in his heart that could not be extinguished, even by his greatest enemy. Lily had given him hope, and so he had a reason to fight.

Severus turned to James with a smug smile. "Alright. I'm game, too."

"There's no way I will lose," James said, holding out his hand.

Severus hesitated, and the two shook hands. Then they pulled away from each other, blushing madly once more.

"Excellent," Lily said, rubbing her hands together and cackling like a TV villain. "Now then, how about five card draw- deuces wild."

The elder Severus watched, marveling at how equably the rest of the evening passed. Young Severus and James seemed to be taking their challenge seriously- each of them trying to behave more civilly than the other, under Lily's watchful eye. Severus even helped James learn the rules of the game, and when James finally won his first hand, Severus allowed him to crow about it without a single sarcastic remark.

Before long, the last hand had passed, and Mr. and Mrs. Evans had returned.

"Good evening," Mr. Evans said, taking his wife's coat. "I hope you three had a fun evening."

James looked at Mr. Evans, and then back at the table, strewn with empty coke bottles. He went white.

"James dear, are you alright?" Mrs. Evans said.

"I just want you to know, the cokes were my idea," James said quickly. "Lily and Severus tried to stop me, but I insisted."

"What do you mean? You didn't spill, did you?" Mrs. Evans asked.

Lily burst out laughing, and Severus, unable to keep his manners any longer, burst forth as well.

"Lily, what did you do?" Mr. Evans said sternly.

"I told James that it's illegal for minors to drink coke, and then I drank it to shock him. I'm sorry, James," Lily said. "It was a prank. Coca-cola is harmless. Little kids drink it- it's not the healthiest drink, but there's nothing bad in it."

"I- oh" James said, and then, to Severus's astonishment, he laughed at himself. "You got me, Lily. You too, Snape."

"Well, I hope in the future you will let us know if our daughter engages in any dangerous activities," Mrs. Evans said with a glare at Lily.

"But, as there was no actual danger, we'll let it go," Mr. Evans finished. He wore a stern expression, but his eyes sparkled with amusement as he took James's hand.

"Well, I guess I should be off, then. Good night, Lily. Thank you for having me, Mr. and Mrs. Evans," James said.

Young Severus seemed to hesitate, and then he moved to join James.

"Snape?"

"You flew here, didn't you?" Severus said.

"Uh- yeah. I was able to land at the park without anyone seeing me."

"Alright. I'll walk you back," Severus said.

"I- I really don't think-"

"That's a good idea," Mr. Evans said seriously. "You boys be careful out there."

"We will. Good night, Mr. Evans," young Severus said, shaking the older man's hand.

And then the elder Severus watched in astonishment as James and his younger self walked peacefully together into the night.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Ambitions and Dreams

As Severus followed the two boys into the night, he found it was unnecessary to walk. Instead, he seemed to drift along behind them without trying, as though he were in a dream.

James and young Severus spoke together in terse voices that barely carried over the sound of traffic, the barking of dogs, and the clatter of their footsteps on the pavement, and yet Severus knew every word they spoke. The two boys seemed hardly to notice the change in the neighborhood as they neared the river- that now the houses were not only small, but run down, that the lawns were strewn with junk and old car-parts, and that the street was filled with litter.

"Listen, Snape- why did you agree to…"

"_Hush,_" young Severus returned in a harsh whisper. "You can't talk about that in a muggle neighborhood. The muggles are more than prejudiced against that sort of thing – it can get you arrested."

"Seriously?" James said, his voice rising slightly. "I thought that was just death-eater propaganda."

Severus shook his head, and the two continued in silence for a little while. Then Severus slowed their steps and groaned.

"Oh no- not now. Listen Potter, keep your trap shut. I'll handle this."

In front of them there stood a group of figures, huddled together in the shadows behind a streetlamp. The figures shuffled forward and seemed to grow larger as they approached. Severus could see a red glow that flickered and vanished as one of the shadows drew on a cigarette.

Then the figures emerged all at once into the light. Several youths now blocked James and Severus's path- all of them wearing studded jean jackets and tight-cuffed trousers, and many of them with hair slicked-back with grease in the same style as Severus's.

"Hey Sevvy- long time no see," the tallest boy said. "There are rumors you were sent down to reform school."

"Do you believe everything you hear?" Young Severus responded with a sneer.

"Who's your friend?" a smaller boy with a pointed, rat-like face asked. "He a client? Looks like he can afford your stuff."

A couple of boys from beside James snickered menacingly. One of them shouted, "nice sweater, preppy."

"He's staying with the Evans," Severus said without missing a beat. "He's a missionary's kid."

"Ugh- waste of time," the tall boy said with a scowl. "Probably got those nice clothes from a barrel. Another charity case."

"That's right," Severus said.

"Hey Sevvy- we're having a little get together on Saturday," the rat-faced kid said. "One with _real_ women- the kind who put out. We were hoping to get some, er- _refreshments_ for the party, if you know what I mean."

"It's quality," Severus said. "The boss told me not to waste my time with kid stuff. Sure you can afford it?"

The rat-faced kid hesitated, and turned to the tall one, who seemed to be the ringleader.

"What if we had the money?"

"Then you'd have to meet the boss first. He'll want to make sure, personally, that you're good for it."

The boys muttered among themselves, and then the ringleader's face twitched nervously.

"Nevermind- we'll buy another time. Get out of here, and tell the missionary kid to keep his nose clean."

"Don't worry- I'm about to show him what happens to squealers around here."

There was some raucous laughter at that, and Severus grabbed James's arm, roughly shoving him through the crowd and toward the park.

"You show him, Sevvy," one of the voices barked behind them. And then the voices faded away as they reached the quiet sanctuary of the park. The haze of lamplight was gone, and there were now stars visible in the sky overhead. Severus could hear the croaking of frogs and the sound of crickets echoing from the inky riverbank before them.

"Here- behind the tree line next to the river," Severus said to James. "This is the best place to stay out of view. When you come back, make sure it's light out- never come here alone at night, and never land on _that side of the river_."

"Why?" James asked. "What's on that side of the river?"

"Spinner's end. It's the bad side of town."

"You mean… that was the _good _side of town we just walked through?" James sputtered.

"Relatively speaking, yes," Severus said smoothly.

"And what was… all that?" James asked, gesturing vaguely behind him. "What those thugs were saying about the 'stuff.' Do you actually sell drugs?"

"No, Potter. I'm not stupid enough to get mixed up in drugs- nothing stronger than coca-cola," he added with a sneer. "But I sell homemade potions to make ends meet, and one of the guys saw me make the handoff to an apothecary. I let them believe that I'm a drug-dealer, because I could use the street cred. There are crazy rumors going around that I work for some scary crime boss, so they leave me alone, now."

"I see," James said. He reached into the pouch at his belt, and the mouth widened, allowing him to draw forth an entire broom from the tiny pouch. James clutched the broom in his right hand, and then turned back to Severus.

The elder Severus had the strangest sensation, then, as though a piece of a puzzle were falling into place.

James gazed at Severus with a quizzical expression as he ran his left hand through his messy hair.

"Before I go- why did you do this, Snape?"

"Why did I do what?"

"Why did you walk me back to the park? Why did you protect me from those thugs?"

"Because you don't belong in this neighborhood, and it shows."

James looked down at his button-up shirt, white cardigan, and freshly pressed chinos.

"But- these are muggle clothes, aren't they?"

Severus groaned. "That's not what I mean. You come from money, Potter, and those thugs could see that a block away- even in the dark."

James stared at his clothes for a time, and then looked up at Severus- his expression bewildered. "Even so- why didn't you just let them mug me?"

Severus shrugged. "You surprised me tonight, Potter. It was decent of you to tell Lily's parents that the cokes were your fault- to take the blame for both me and Lily, even though it was unnecessary."

"And my ignorance was pretty amusing, wasn't it?" Potter said with a cheeky grin.

Severus's face grew warm, and he turned away with a shrug. "It doesn't matter. Now we're square."

Severus turned back to Potter, who nodded. "Fair enough. You surprised me tonight, too, you know. It's clear you respect Lily's parents- her father, especially."

"He's earned my respect," Severus said simply.

"Then- why?" James stepped closer to Severus, his voice almost pleading. "Why do you hang out with blood-purists? Why are you going to join the death eaters, if you respect Lily's muggle family so much?"

"Your ignorance is astonishing, Potter," Severus growled.

"Don't deny it, Snape," Potter said, his cheeks becoming flushed. "I know who your friends are, and I know what you're planning…"

"Not that," Severus said. He put his hand to his head, and then looked up at James, who stood expectantly before him. "You don't know muggles, Potter; you've never spent any time around them. You just know the nice stories you hear from your blood- traitor parents. The truth is that most muggles aren't anything like the Evans. The vast majority of muggles are like the thugs you met tonight- mercenary, vicious, and willfully ignorant of the true nature of the world. You should come back and have dinner when Lily's jealous sister and her stuck-up boyfriend are at home. Better yet, come to my house just across the river, so you can meet my charming muggle father. Just don't expect dinner- he'll be in a drunken stupor, if you're lucky."

"Your- father…"

"I don't want your pity, Potter," Severus said, cutting James off. "Just- look around and use your head, for once. I've watched for years as Mr. Evans has given everything he has for this miserable, run-down parish, and all his parishioners give back are complaints and empty offering-plates while they drink away his charity. Mrs. Evans and Lily have helped him, uncomplaining, even though it means they can't have a nice house or store-bought clothes. Mr. and Mrs. Evans, and Lily, are the only genuinely good people I've ever met."

Potter looked down for a moment, and when he spoke, there was an uncharacteristic softness to his voice. "The Dark Lord won't see the difference, Snape. He won't care if Mr. and Mrs. Evans are good. To him, they are just more muggles."

"But I can see the difference, and I will protect them."

"You'll die."

"Wow, Potter. I didn't know you cared," Severus bit out.

Potter did not argue. Instead he cocked his head curiously, and then adjusted his glasses.

"Speaking of which- why did you agree to Lily's proposal? Why play this bizarre game?"

"I agreed because I want Lily to forgive me. I don't intend to lose her to you."

James laughed. "Then let the games begin. I don't intend to lose her, either."

Before Snape could respond, James mounted his broom and winked at Severus. "I'll see you next Friday for our date, Severus." James said, putting emphasis on Severus's given name. "Meet me here at seven, and wear something you can ride in."

And with those words, James was off into the glittering night sky.

#

The earth seemed to spin around Severus as he stood, motionless, in the park. The stars set, and the sun rose high in the sky, glittering across the muddy, polluted surface of the river.

Young Severus was sitting in the grass, flipping idly through the textbook that lay open in his lap. He was growing hot and restless, and was just about to seek shelter when he heard the call of a familiar voice.

"Hey Sev- sorry I'm late," Lily said, bounding across the park to meet him. He stood and brushed the grass of his trousers as she approached, breathless and sweating, with a heavy backpack on her back.

"I got a job babysitting for the summer, for the plant manager's kids over on _Elm,_" she said excitedly. "Five days a week, from seven until noon. It will mean less time to study, but if the exchange rate stays good, I'll have enough at the end of the summer to cover my school supplies."

"That's wonderful, Lily," Severus said. "Don't apologize for being late, just do what you need to do. Are the brats much trouble?"

Lily laughed, the sound echoing like the tinkling of crystal across the river. "Oh no- they're really sweet. Phillip is five, and his little sister, Lizzie, is still a baby. They're fun to play with, if it's a little exhausting."

Lily sat on the grass and pulled a stack of books, notebooks, and a pencil case from her bag. Severus sat down beside her.

"It's pretty hot out. Wouldn't you rather go to the library?"

"I've already been; the place is overrun with creeps. I just took out the calculus and classical mechanics books," she gestured toward the two, thick books on the bottom of the stack, "before coming here."

"That- looks like a lot," Severus said, frowning. "Are you sure you can get through all of that by the end of the summer, when you're also babysitting and going out on _dates?"_

Severus had put as much emphasis as he could on the last word, but Lily didn't react at all.

"I'll have to put in some late weeknights, I guess. Thankfully, they didn't give us a lot of homework after our O.W.L.s, but I do wish I could take these books with me when we go back to Hogwarts." Lily sighed. "As for the dates, I suppose they will be a welcome break."

Severus groaned.

"You don't regret the deal we made, do you? You haven't even gone on one date, yet."

"I regretted the deal we made before we even made it," Severus said. "Potter is taking me flying on Friday. _Flying!_ It's the perfect cover for murder."

"Your murder, or his?" Lily said smoothly.

"Mine, of course. Potter is the greatest flyer in the galaxy. No one would believe he'd be unlucky enough to have an _accident_ while alone with me."

"It's too bad that wizards don't understand the law of averages," Lily said with a sigh. "Potter is known to be reckless."

"It almost sounds like you want me to murder Potter," Severus said. "Is that your plan?"

"Of course not. A little murder would be good for Potter, though. Just make sure he isn't harmed," Lily said breezily.

Severus was still trying to wrap his head around that statement when Lily gasped. "Oh- by the way, James sent me an owl, this morning. He said you saved him from a murderous street gang, last night."

Severus snorted. "It was just Price and his crew. I only saved Potter from a scare and, at worst, a mild beating."

"I don't know. From what I've heard, Price and the guys have gotten a lot worse over the school year. Mullins was expelled from school, and Adkins- I heard he did something awful to Brittany Bennet. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you."

Severus shrugged and turned back to his book.

"Sev- I've been worried about you," Lily added in a quiet voice. "But I know that, no matter how tough you try to appear, you're a good person underneath."

"Goodness isn't enough in this world," Severus said. "Goodness doesn't give you the means to provide for, or even protect, the people you care about. You have to be tough to survive. You have to get what you can, before your enemies beat you to it."

"You will probably throttle me for saying this, but you sound like Petunia," Lily said. "She passed you and Potter when she returned from her date with Vernon, last night. She told me I should ditch you and just date Potter, because he has money. I tried to tell her that money isn't everything, but she wouldn't listen. All she thinks about is money, now- money and respectability. Sometimes, I think she resents Da for trying to make a difference in the world."

Severus looked up from his book to gaze at Lily, who had a faraway look in her eyes.

"I hate to agree with Petunia, but she is right, you know. Money isn't everything, but it is important. I'll make sure you don't have to worry about money, though. The world needs people like you, too- people with their head in the sky, among the stars."

"I don't want to be just- just taken care of," Lily said firmly. "Women are being liberated so that we don't _have_ to be taken care of."

"Well, if that's how you feel, you should choose a more lucrative ambition for yourself," Severus said. "It's going to be difficult to get anyone to finance your wizarding space program."

"But the exploration of space is mankind's greatest endeavor. Think of it, Sev- exploring stars and planets no one has ever seen before- becoming more than what we are," Lily said dreamily. Then her attention snapped back to the shores of the muddy river. "There are practical benefits, too. We will push our technology centuries ahead, creating a better world for everyone. If wizards could get on board with the project, just imagine how much more we could do!"

"People don't like imagining things. They like cold, hard cash in their pockets," Severus said. "I know you're right, Lily, but most people are fools, and you have to live in their world. As I said before- you don't have to worry. I'll work hard and make sure that you can live well while you pursue this, and Slughorn will probably help you find people who can fund your project."

Lily laughed. "You're talking like we're already engaged, and we haven't been on our first date, yet."

"Don't worry about that, either," Severus said. "I'll make sure that Potter doesn't ruin our deal, and I'll make sure I win this game of yours."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Air and Fire

Severus no longer felt quite so detached from his younger self. As the memories progressed, he could not only recall what he had thought and felt, but he could see the memories through his own eyes, as he had once experienced them.

Right now, he remembered standing in front of his cracked bathroom mirror, combing through his hair. His hair had been thoroughly combed five minutes ago, but still he combed, as though he were trying to detangle his own nerves.

Severus finally paused, frowning at his own reflection, and then reached out to scoop a generous portion of pomade into his hair. He took up his comb again to slick his hair back from his temples, and sighed as the look held.

Well- he couldn't expect any miracles, but at least he looked somewhat presentable. Severus had taken a small amount from the stash of money he kept hidden from his father, and with it he'd bought a pair of black slacks and a black, button-up shirt from the church rummage-sale. The shirt had been a steal- unworn and tags still attached. Severus could only imagine that one of the guys from Price's gang had received the shirt from a relative, and then tossed it away for being too "poncy." The slacks, however, had been more difficult to come by- most of the slacks being castaways of older men with rounder stomachs. Severus had finally come across a pair that fit, but the cuffs were torn and in need of repair, and Severus, unable to use magic at home, had been obliged to fix them with a needle and thread.

Still, they were the nicest clothes Severus had ever worn, aside from his school robes. He now stood, pressed and mended, freshly showered and combed, and ready for his first date. Of course, a shower and new clothes could only do so much. He couldn't comb away his nose, but he could at least hide his teeth by not smiling.

"Not that I'll have any reason to smile, tonight," he muttered.

Part of him wondered why he was making such an effort for Potter, but he supposed he simply didn't want to give Potter any reason to sneer at him. He would just call this a trial-run for his date with Lily.

There was a sharp knock on the door, and before he could answer it swung open, revealing a woman with Severus's black hair and sallow skin.

The woman blinked in surprise as she took in her son's appearance, and then she cracked a small smile. "Going out?"

"Uh- yeah."

The woman's smile grew wider. "So- you finally got up the nerve to court Miss Evans?"

"No. Well, yes. We're going out later, but not tonight."

The woman, Severus's mother, knitted her thick brows in confusion. "Then… who?"

Severus opened his mouth to answer, and then stopped. "Uh- where's Da?"

"He's down at the pub. He shouldn't be back until late," she answered, her lips twisting bitterly.

Severus sighed. "Ok then. Don't tell Da, but I'm going out with a bloke, tonight. It's… it's complicated, but Lily knows, so it's fine. It's nothing serious."

Severus's mother closed the bathroom door behind herself and lowered her voice. "You are going out with a _wizard,_ aren't you?"

Severus rolled his eyes, and turned back to the mirror, straightening his shirt. "I'm not an idiot, Mum. I know what muggles do to blokes who date each other."

"It's- it's not that. I'm okay with Lily, of course- I know her and her family- but most muggles and muggleborn …aren't an appropriate choice."

"Wow- hypocrite, much?" Severus snapped.

"I don't want you to make the same mistake I did. You know how your father was- he was charming and kind until he found out I couldn't magic money for him out of thin air. They're all the same, Severus. They're all just out for what they can get."

"All except Lily?"

Severus's mother shrugged. "She's the daughter of a clergyman, so I'd say she's the exception that proves the rule."

"A charming sentiment, Mother," Severus said. "But don't worry. I'm not going to sully myself with muggles."

Severus's mother sighed. "Good boy. And what about this boy you're going out with, tonight? Is he from a good family?"

"I suppose I might as well tell you- it's James Potter."

Severus's mother blinked. "Fleamont Potter's son? The Potters are a very old family, indeed. And they have a good deal of property."

Severus smirked. "Now who's out for what they can get?"

"I'm just trying to look out for my boy," Severus's mother said. She turned Severus to face her, straightened his collar, and smoothed his already sleek hair. "There, you look very nice. Don't worry- I'll make an appropriate excuse to your father if he comes home before you. Stay safe, and make sure the muggles don't see the two of you together."

#

Severus walked swiftly, taking the back-alleys he knew would be empty, and reached the park in record time. He had arrived early, and had nothing to do but pace around, checking his watch periodically, as the twilight faded around him.

Finally, one of the stars seemed to grow a little larger and a little brighter, and shot across the sky so fast that Severus hardly knew it was James until James had swooped down on him.

"Hey Severus, glad you could make it," James said cheerfully as he landed. "Are you excited? Are you ready to go?"

"Excited is hardly the word for it," Severus said. "But I am ready to get this over with."

"That's the spirit," James said.

Though he was in a muggle park, James had dressed in full- wizard gear. He was wearing a set of starched, linen robes and a loose summer cape, and looked far more elegant in his costly yet casual wizard clothes than Severus did in his best muggle gear. James reached into the pouch on his belt, and withdrew a second broomstick, which he handed to Severus.

"Here- mount up and follow me. Don't worry, we'll be far away from muggles tonight."

Severus reached out to take the broom, but hesitated when he saw that it was a freshly-polished Comet 180, which looked more expensive than any broom Severus had ever ridden in his life.

"If you prefer, you could sit behind me on _this_ broom," James said, indicating his own broom. "It would be snug, but we could manage if you wrapped your arms tight around me."

"I'll take this one, thanks," Severus snapped, taking the Comet from James's hand. "Let's just get out of here."

"Alright then- try to keep up," James said, mounting his broom. The two boys kicked off, and then they were soaring up into the vibrant evening sky, leaving the grimy mill-town far behind them.

James showed off as often as he could, plunging into downdrafts and banking tight around clouds, doing the occasional barrel roll with an excited _whoop, _but he made sure to double back every time Severus got too far behind him. The sky grew darker as they flew away from city lights, and soon Severus could hardly see James at all.

"Keep up with my voice," James called. "I'll whistle a tune for you to follow. If you lose me, keep following Arcturus until you see a faint, green glow beneath you. That's our destination."

"That's not Arcturus, Potter. That's Jupiter."

"But… didn't Professor Terra say follow the spike to Arcutus? Or was it the arc? Nevermind- just follow the bright one," James said, and true to his word, began to whistle a shrill song that echoed through the night.

"Well, at least he isn't singing," Severus muttered to himself.

Soon, the green glow that James had promised appeared below, and the two began to descend though a light mist. The glow grew larger and brighter, and soon Severus could see a patch of wild plants that grew beside a green pond, which shimmered with a thousand lights. The two boys landed on the shore, their feet sinking into the marshy earth. Tree branches hung low over their heads, shimmering with phosphorescent algae that grew over the trunks and on the ground all around them. Fireflies twinkled and danced overhead.

"Potter- wow," Severus breathed, taking in the scene.

"It's great, isn't it?" James asked. He reached into his pouch and pulled out a large blanket, which he spread on the ground. "Come here- sit down. It will just be a little while before the show begins."

"The show?"

"Yeah. Hey- don't look at me like that, Severus. Come on."

Severus plodded over to the blanket and sat down as far as he could from James.

"Since when am I Severus, _Potter?"_ he asked as he sat.

"Lily told us to get to know one another- work through our feelings," James said. "So I'm making an effort. Don't we owe it to her to try?"

"I owe it to her, Potter. You do not. What is your plan?"

"Plan? There is no plan. I'm honestly trying, here. Why can't you meet me halfway?"

"Because I know you. I know your _modus operandi._ My interactions with you have been one sadistic _prank_ after another. Why should tonight be any different?"

"Tonight is different because I gave my word," James said. "Why won't you trust me?"

"Trust you?" Severus scoffed. "I trust you about as far as I could throw you. You certainly haven't inspired any trust by bringing me to a place like this."

"Hey- I thought you liked it."

"If this were a real date, I would like it well enough. But since I'm here with you, it occurs to me that you could very easily hide my body in the marsh, and no one would ever find it."

"You know what," James said, pulling himself up onto his knees and shuffling over to Severus. "You're impossible. I try to be nice, and it still isn't good enough for you. You're the most infuriating wizard I've ever met."

Severus rose up on his own knees, meeting James face to face. "Oh no- I've wounded St. Potter. How can I ever live with myself, after hurting such an _innocent."_

"Sorry Lily, I tried," James shouted into the sky. "It just isn't worth it."

Then James punched Severus in the gut.

Severus double over, wheezing, but he was able to catch his breath in short order. Then he rose up and tackled James to the ground. James however, was much stronger than Severus. He grappled Severus, and the two rolled over on the blanket until James had Severus pinned down. Severus pushed at James with all his strength, but James wouldn't budge.

Then James smirked at Severus.

Severus hardly knew what he was doing, after that. All he knew was that he had to wipe the smirk off of James's face by any means necessary. So, since James could not be pushed away, he pulled James closer until their faces were touching- until their lips were touching.

A spark seemed to pass between them as soon as their lips touched, and Severus's insides burst into a ball of flame. James pressed himself even closer to Severus, kissing him back with a wild ferocity.

Severus rolled- now he was on top of James, their limbs intertwined. He pressed his lips to James's over and over, running his hands through James's mop of hair as James moaned and murmured something under his breath.

Severus pulled away slightly to let James breathe, but he couldn't stop kissing- the flames within Severus grew as though to consume him. There was so much more to explore- the supple skin on James's face- the soft, supple skin on his throat. Severus kissed and kissed, enveloped in James's heated sighs.

"Severus- look."

"Hmm?" Severus asked, dazed, as he continued to kiss.

"Dragons. Look." James said.

At that moment, Severus heard a mighty roar- so loud that it shook him to his core. Stunned, Severus rolled off of James and fell back onto the blanket.

Above him, a drive of dragons was flying through the mist. There were dozens of them, each one of them as massive as a city bus, covered in jeweled scales and soaring on wings that shone like silk in the green light. The dragons huffed as they flew past, shooting out spurts of flame that warmed the misty air above. Severus's feverish skin tingled with the added warmth.

Then, as suddenly as they had come, the dragons had passed over, leaving nothing but some wisps of smoke in their wake.

"Wow," Severus said.

"Yeah," James murmured.

"What was that?"

"Dragons," James said in a stronger voice. "They pass here on their way to the nesting grounds when the moon is new."

"I wasn't talking about the dragons."

"I know- but that's the question I was able to answer."

The two boys sat up, slowly. They straightened their clothes, which had become loose and rumpled, and then looked tentatively at each other.

"I guess Lily was right," James ventured. "About us having pent up feelings."

"You think?" Severus said, smoothing his hair back.

"She's brilliant. How did she get so brilliant?"

"Good genes? Hard work? I don't know."

"What do her jeans have to do with anything?"

"I mean- her father is brilliant, too."

"Ah." James said. Then the two sat in silence once more.

"You never told me why you agreed to this," Severus said slowly.

James sat a while in thought before he answered. "One time, in third year, Lily asked me why I picked on you, and I told Lily that I hated you. Lily said that I couldn't hate you, because I didn't really know you, and that I must have just hated the idea of you. Well, I thought she was wrong. I watched you all the time, at school. How could I not know you? But then I saw you at Lily's house, saw the town where you lived, and saw you interacting with people you actually care about. I realized she was right- I don't really know you."

"So then- why did you bully me?" Severus asked.

"I dunno. House rivalry? Jealousy of your relationship with Lily? I guess none of that is really enough to explain how much you got under my skin. I'm here to figure that out, I guess."

"I see," Severus said quietly.

James cocked his head to the side. "You actually believe me, now?"

"I don't know," Severus said. "I don't know what to think, right now. I think all of that heat has melted my brains."

"The heat from the dragons, or the heat from the snogging?"

"Yeah."

James laughed. "Fair enough. And you- you said you did this for Lily, and I can tell you meant is. I saw how you were looking at her, that night when she pleaded with you to stay. Still…"

"Yeah, I know- she was right about us. She's brilliant. But right now, I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok," James said. "Want to just snog, some more?"

"No. I have to get a hold of myself, before we fly back home."

"Good idea. I wouldn't want you to get dizzy from ecstasy and then crash into a tree."

"Ha-ha," Severus said.

"Alright, let's just talk," James said. "What do we have in common, besides Lily and our libidos? Quiddich?"

"I don't follow Quiddich. How about studying?"

"It's summer- I'm on break from studying. How about plays?"

"I can't afford to go to plays. How about dragons?"

"Oh yeah- the obvious topic," James said, hitting his head with his hand. "Well, I've always loved dragons- I collected dragon figurines and books since I was about five. Let me tell you how I found out about the drive of dragons we just saw."

And Severus leaned his head on his hand, letting his mind settle as James recounted his first disastrous encounter with the dragons, and the dozen or so muggle and wizarding laws he had broken to find them. The phosphorescent lights faded and the eastern sky grew rosy before the two felt steady enough to stand and make their way back to Cokesworth.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Colors and Light

"Here- we just have one more batch to go," Lily said, shoving a pile of wet, musty robes into Severus's arms.

Severus found himself in the basement of the Laurel Parish church, helping Lily launder the choir robes before Sunday morning arrived. He had been far too sleepy to argue with Lily when she'd made the request of him, and now that he was here, he found that he was actually glad he'd agreed to help. The church basement, at least, was equipped with an ac unit.

Severus shoved the robes into the dryer, shut the door, and turned the knob, and the machine began to hum and shudder- far too small to handle the weight of the choir robes gracefully. Lily, however, smiled in satisfaction.

"Great. I've finished steaming the last batch, so we can get some studying done while we wait for this batch to finish. Thanks again for your help, Sev."

"Don't mention it," Severus said, waving away Lily's thanks. The two sat together at a folding table in the center of the room and opened their books. Severus could not concentrate on his homework for long, however. It was maddening to try to read under the flickering, fluorescent light.

"Hey- Lily…"

"Hmmm?" Lily murmured, already absorbed in her arithmancy text.

"You haven't asked me how my date with James went."

"You've had your first date, already?" Lily asked, clicking her ballpoint pen. "I thought that was going to be tonight."

"We went out last night, actually," Severus said. "And are you really going to write on parchment in biro?"

"Sure, why not? It's a lot easier to haul around in my bag than inkwells, and this one writes in four colors- see?" Lily replied, clicking the pen. "I might even write the assignment on notebook paper instead of parchment to save some sheep."

"I don't think… never mind," Severus said, shaking his head. "Don't you want to know how the date went?"

"You certainly want to tell me," Lily said, looking up from her book with a cheeky grin.

"I- I just want to be honest with you," Severus said. "Our deal might be off."

"You didn't actually murder James, did you?"

"No, but we did fight," Severus said. "At least, we started to fight."

"You started to? What happened?" Lily asked. All of her previous nonchalance had vanished, and now she was leaning forward, her elbows creasing the book beneath her.

"We- we…" Severus took a deep breath. "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I can't promise I won't get mad," Lily said. "I'll promise that I won't yell. Is that enough?"

Severus nodded. "I'm sorry. I hope this won't affect my chances with you. My feelings for you haven't changed at all. I still want to date you; I really do. But James and I…"

"You _kissed, _didn't you?" Lily said.

Severus said nothing. He stared, puzzled by Lily's shining eyes and eager grin.

"You weren't lying, were you?" Severus said. "You said that I have a real chance with you."

"You do," Lily said firmly. "I'm still not sure about my feelings for you- I'll need all summer to figure it out- but I know you have a chance."

"Then why do you seem so happy about this?" Severus sputtered. "Shouldn't you be jealous?"

"I don't know," Lily said, shrugging. "Maybe I'm not the jealous type. Anyway, I think this will do you some good. Remember- it was my idea that you date James. But don't worry about the tiff that you had. The deal is still on."

"You know, Lily, half of Slytherin thinks you are mad," Severus said. "I find myself inclined to believe it."

"I don't care what Slytherin thinks of me," Lily said. "But if you think I'm mad, I'll take it as a compliment. Oh! This reminds me- I almost forgot."

Lily leaned over to dig through her knapsack, and then pulled out an envelope.

"I had an owl from James this morning. It's addressed to you. Don't worry- I told James that your Da didn't like owls."

"Thanks," Severus said, taking the letter.

He broke the seal and unfolded it to read.

Hey Sev,

I am allowed to call you Sev now, aren't I? I should be, considering everything that happened last night. Thank you for last night- it was a lot more fun than I'd anticipated. I hope you enjoyed it, too, and feel sufficiently reassured that I'm not going to throw your body into a marsh.

Since I chose where we went last night, I guess it's only fair that you choose where we go on our next date. Send your letter back with Azathoth- my owl.

Looking forward to it.

James

The rest of the page was taken up by a crayon drawing of a copper dragon.

"Hey Lily- could I borrow a pen and a piece of notebook paper?" Severus asked on impulse.

"Sure," Lily said.

Severus clicked on the green ink and began to write.

Potter,

I honestly don't care what you call me; you're still Potter, to me.

You certainly are eager for our next date, aren't you? You must have sent your letter as soon as you got home. Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do this week, so you'll have to wait until Friday night before we go out again. Try not to pine for me.

When Friday finally arrives, meet me at the park at 5:30 in the usual place. Wear muggle clothes, and bring an appetite and a competitive spirit. I won't tell you where we're going, but I will say that I was inspired by your utterly childish crayon drawing.

Thank you for last night, as well.

Severus Snape

As Severus had no wax or seal, he folded the paper in the elaborate way Lily sometimes folded her school notes to stay shut, and then wrote James's name on the back.

"Is James's owl still at your place?"

"Yes. He made a meal out of some field mice in the back garden and fell asleep in Mum's apricot tree."

Severus handed Lily the letter, his stomach churning. He was beginning to wake up, a little, and with the awareness came a humming of his nerves that set him on edge. He wondered if last night had been a horrible mistake, and he wondered whether he was doomed to repeat it.

#

"Tell me again why we couldn't just fly here," James said as he stepped off the city bus.

Severus and James had walked to the bus station at the edge of Laurelwood park, and thirty minutes later, they were in Spalding Heights, the small university town just outside of Cokesworth.

"Look around, Potter," Severus said, gesturing at the narrow streets lined with automobiles, sidewalks, and neat storefronts. "Where could we possibly land without frightening the muggles?"

"Good point. But why did we have to take a thirty-minute ride to get here?"

"Because I don't want to run into Price and his gang, and this is outside their turf," Severus said. "Come on- our destination is a few blocks this way."

James fell into step with Severus and looked around, seeming to take in the clean streets with their neat sidewalks lined with fenced-in shrubberies.

"I guess the muggles are like us, in that respect," James said. "We rarely step outside of our own turf, either. You and Lily are the only two who have ignored the rules about Slytherins and Gryffindors being friends."

"Lily is used to slumming it," Severus said, a bitter edge to his voice. "Merlin knows that she's too good for the likes of me."

James quirked his eyebrow, but said nothing. The two walked in silence until Severus finally stopped beneath a large, green and red striped awning with a sign underneath that read, "Vizzini's Pizzaria."

"Hey- pizza! I love that stuff," James said enthusiastically. "I had some one time when I was with my parents in the muggle side of Venice."

"This is nothing like the pizza you had in Venice, I can assure you," Severus said.

The door chimed as they entered the restaurant, and right away Severus's senses were overwhelmed by the scent of oven-baked grease and the sound of the Electric Light Orchestra being piped over a set of massive speakers. The hostess did not attempt to speak over the music- she simply grabbed a set of menus and gestured for the boys to follow her.

The hostess led them to a table in the back corner, and then tapped her foot impatiently while Severus and James bickered over toppings. Finally, she interrupted them.

"I see that you two want the 'shut the hell up special,'" she said, writing on her notepad. "One medium pepperoni and two cokes. This is table 32," she continued, pointing to the sign over the table. "The arcade sign will change when your order is up. Here are some complimentary tokens- you can buy more from the machine."

"Tokens? Machine?" James said.

"The token machine is in the arcade, just through those doors," the hostess said, pointing at a set of green double doors across from the table.

The hostess left, and James shot Severus a bewildered look.

"Well, come on," Severus said, leading the way to the arcade.

Severus had only been to the arcade once before, with Lily's family the summer before Lily's 13th birthday, and it had changed a bit since then, but he shot James a knowing smile as the other boy gawked.

There were flashing lights, beeps, and chimes all around them. The right wall was taken up mostly by pinball machines, and the left wall by ski ball and whack-a-mole. In the center of the room was a foosball table, where two college-aged girls were completely engrossed in their game.

On the back wall, however, where there had once only been a single pong machine and the token machine, there were now _two_ pong machines and two new computer games, one called "Bomb Hunter" and one called "Space Madness."

"What is this?" James asked, approaching the first pong machine.

At those words, a red-headed kid who looked the same age as Severus and James looked up from "Space Madness," a grin spreading over his face.

"So- you're new to computer games?" he asked. "I'm pretty good at them, myself. I'm the champion at Bomb Hunter in this arcade three months running. I can give you some tips, if you'd like."

"That would be great, thanks," James said before Severus could tell the kid to shove off.

The kid adjusted his brown-plastic glasses and motioned James and Severus over to the second pong machine.

"The paddles on that other game are jittery," the kid explained. "This is just like table tennis- the white square is the ball, and each player controls the paddle on their side with the controllers- up and down. The game keeps score for you."

"Up for a game, Potter?" Severus asked.

"Of course," James replied.

Severus put a coin in the machine's slot, and then the game beeped, indicating start.

James stood and watched, seeming transfixed by the bright screen, as Severus moved his paddle, blocked the white square, and scored the first point.

"You have to be quick," the helpful boy said to James.

"He just needs an incentive," Severus said. "The first one to score ten points wins. The loser has to pour a bottle of soda over his own head the next time he sees Lily."

"You're on Sev," James said. "There's no way I'm going to lose, now."

True to his word, James thoroughly trounced Severus.

"Hey- you've got a good eye," the helpful kid said. "I'm Mike, by the way."

"I'm James, and this is Severus," James said, holding out his hand to shake Mike's.

"Severus- I'll bet your parents are professors, aren't they? Mine are. I almost got named 'Hadrian' before my grandmother put her foot down," the kid said, shuddering. "And Lily… is she your girlfriend?"

"We're fighting over Lily right now, actually," James said. "She said she would choose between us by the end of the summer, but we have to befriend each other, first."

"Ugh- _birds._ Sometimes I think they're from another planet." Mike leaned toward James and Severus and lowered his voice. "You see the brunette over there, playing foosball?"

"Yeah- what about her?" Severus said.

"Her name is Lillian- isn't that a weird coincidence? Anyway, I've been trying to get up the nerve to talk to her all year, but I don't know what to say."

"Hmm," James said, turning to examine the girl. "Tell her you like her earrings."

"Her earrings? But I'm a guy," the boy said, laughing.

"It doesn't matter. Tell her you want to buy a pair like them for your mother's birthday, but you haven't been able to find any like them. Then ask her where she got hers."

"Will that really make her like me?"

"No, but it will break the ice. After you get her talking, just be yourself."

"Hey- yeah. I think that might work. Thanks… James, was it?"

"Any time, Mike. It was nice to meet you."

"You too- and Severus," the boy said nodding. Then he straightened his back, checked his breath, and strode over to the foosball table.

"Hey, James?"

"Yeah Sev?"

"Our order is up," Severus said, pointing to the sign by the door.

#

"I don't think I've ever eaten this much cheese in my life," James said, staring at the thick slice on his plate. "They even have cheese to put on _top_ of the cheese. This place is amazing."

"Muggles tend to be fairly decadent," Severus said.

"They certainly know how to have fun," James said. "And they don't seem to all be bad. Mike seemed pretty nice."

"Mike is a well-off kid from the nice side of town, with well-educated parents," Severus said. "The majority of muggles aren't like him."

"You know, it seems like you only focus on the bad, and always find a way to explain away the good," James said. "It's like you're only counting one side of an arithmancy equation."

Severus blinked, surprised that James had made such a good point. Then Severus pushed the thought away, scowling.

"Stop trying to change my mind about muggles," Severus said. "It won't work."

"You're the one who chose to come here, remember?" James said.

"I brought you here for two reasons. One, it's loud enough that we can say whatever we like without being overheard."

"And the second reason?"

Severus smirked and pointed to a cup of crayons next to the parmesan. "After I read your letter, I thought you would appreciate a place where you're allowed to color on the placemats."

James laughed, and then leaned forward.

"Seriously, Sev- I'm starting to see why Lily likes you. Underneath all the prickles, you're a good person. You're better than the death eaters. Why can't you see that, too?"

"Are you trying to _save _me?" Severus sneered.

"Well, yeah," James said. "I guess I am."

"Well then, I suppose you have a way to save me and my mother from my abusive, alcoholic father. I suppose you have a way to protect me from the street gangs in my neighborhood. Oh, wait- I had to save you from them, didn't I?"

"Yeah- you're right," James stammered, turning red. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Severus spat. "You have no idea what I've suffered at the hands of the muggles here, and then suffered at the hands of blood-traitors at school. Who else can I turn to but the Slytherins and the death eaters? You've certainly never been any help. You've bullied me, tormented me, and publicly humiliated me in the worst possible ways. Now, just to win Lily, you say you're sorry? And that you're trying to **save me? **You haven't earned that right, Potter."

Severus looked down at the rough wooden table that separated him from James. He couldn't look at the boy who sat across from him, even though he knew he was right- even though he knew his anger was justified.

Severus was still afraid to see the old look of hatred return to James's eyes.

Fortunately, Severus couldn't block out James's voice.

"You're right, Sev," James said quietly. "I know you don't want to hear me say, 'I understand' or even, 'I'm sorry.' I don't understand, and I haven't earned your trust yet- not after a single date and really hot make-out session. Though I have to admit that making out is a much better way of working out our aggression than fighting…"

"I swear- if you hold that over my head-"

"I won't- I promise."

Severus scoffed, gripping a metal fork in his hand as though he meant to use it to impale the pizza that sat between them.

"Forgive me if I don't trust your promises, either."

"Then I'll stop making those, too."

Severus looked up at James. James was not looking at Severus with hatred or contempt, but with a sort of gentle determination Severus didn't understand at all- though part of him was tempted to call it pity.

"So then- you're giving up on me?" Severus said, putting a challenge in his voice.

"Merlin, no. I won't go back on a promise to Lily, and to be honest, I'm growing used to your company. No- I just meant that I'll spend less time talking and more time listening. I'll trust you to decide what you need."

Severus dropped his fork and reached out to take a slice of pizza, hoping that the gesture seemed nonchalant. "Oh really? And what if I decide that I need to join the dark lord?"

"Then I'll let you. No questions and no judgement."

The slice fell through Severus's fingers and hit his plate, cheese down, with a wet thwop.

"I won't join the dark lord," James continued. "I would never do so in a million years- but I won't fight you if you decide to join. You were right; I don't understand what you're going through, and only you know what you need to do to survive it. So I'll try something different. I will prove that I'm trustworthy by trusting you."

Severus aimed his most intense glare at James, but he did not flinch. James's expression remained steady and earnest.

"You would let me join, and then sell me out to Dumbledore."

"Never. If you trusted me with that secret, then I would keep it for you, even if I joined Dumbledore. If you didn't trust me with the secret, then I wouldn't pressure you to tell. I'll just be here for you, whatever you decide."

"But you hate the dark lord. Why would you do this?" Severus sputtered.

"Because I don't hate you, Sev- not anymore. I'm really starting to like you, so it would be stupid to try and change you. If we're going to be friends, then we have to feel free to be ourselves, utterly and completely."

James Potter held his hand out across the table.

For a moment, Severus felt as though he couldn't breathe. He'd never been struck by words so utterly unexpected. He'd never been so completely disarmed by anyone. He hardly knew what he was doing as he reached across the table to take James's hand.

"I'm not making any promises, Potter," Severus whispered. "Whether I join or not- don't expect me to tell you."

"That's ok, Sev. I don't need a promise."

#

That evening, Severus left the park in a daze, still dizzy from the hurried kisses he'd exchanged with James before they parted.

Severus's body had a strange, light feeling, like someone had cast _wingardium leviosa _on him. His feet hardly touched the ground as he walked.

Was James being sincere, he wondered as he went. But then- that didn't matter. James wasn't asking for Severus's trust.

In that case, what was James asking for? James had said he didn't need a promise from Severus. All Severus had to do now was continue being himself, and James would… would do what? James hadn't really promised anything, either. James had given Severus something, but Severus couldn't put his finger on what that something actually _was._

Severus didn't notice where his feet were taking him. He stopped off at a vending machine, and several minutes later, he found himself at Lily's front door.

"Hey Sev!" Lily said, answering the bell. "How did things go with James, tonight?"

Severus stared at Lily, unsure of how to answer.

"Sev? Is something wrong?"

Severus opened the bottle in his hand, held it over his head, and poured.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Stars and Satellites

How had everything become so beautiful and so terrifying all at once, Severus wondered as he was flung into the next memory. Had the tender things he'd once felt ultimately doomed those he cared about? Had his younger self pushed away the trust and care he'd been bestowed, undeserving?

His thoughts blurred together with the thoughts of the nervous young man he'd once been as he sat on the Evans's couch, waiting for Lily. His younger self felt more unworthy than ever to sit on the sofa in that warm, welcoming home. The unexpected feelings he'd found for James warred with the love he'd always felt for Lily, and he felt as he were being dragged by two golden threads toward the deep abyss of his future.

"Sev? Sorry to keep you waiting."

Then Severus looked up to see Lily, and for a moment all of his doubt fell away.

She was wearing a simple, peasant-style dress that fell off of her sun-kissed shoulders, her long, wavy hair had been adorned with thin braids and flowers scattered here and there, and she wore the faintest trace of lip-gloss on her smiling mouth. There was no remarkable transformation to mark their first romantic evening. She was beautiful, but she was still the same girl she'd always been. She was still very much _Lily._

Severus stood and cleared his throat. "Lily- you look beautiful."

"Thank you, Sev. So do you." Lily smiled as though she hadn't been joking- as though he really _had_ meant to call Severus beautiful.

"I-" Severus began to speak, but he was cut off by an older woman's voice.

"Oh Lily- you look beautiful," Mrs. Evans said, stepping into the living room. "And you are so handsome, Severus. Look at the two of you- grown up and going on your first date."

"It's my second date, Mum. And please, don't cry."

"I- I missed your first?" Mrs. Evans cried. Her eyes were, indeed, filling with tears.

"No, you were there. Remember last week, with James?"

Mrs. Evans laughed through her tears. "Don't be silly, darling. That wasn't a date."

"If it was, Lily, then you certainly get points for being unconventional," Mr. Evans, who had joined his wife, said. Then he turned to shake Severus's hand.

"Good evening, Sir," Severus said nervously.

"So- where are you headed, tonight?" Mr. Evans asked, his countenance stern.

"I have tickets for a show, but it's in Spalding Heights, at the University," Severus paused and turned to Lily. "If that's okay."

"Oh Sev- the planetarium?"

Severus nodded, and Lily cheered, throwing her arms around Severus's neck.

"Now- I know it's a bit of a ride from Spalding Heights, but I expect you both back by 10:30," Mr. Evans said.

"10:30? Oh, but Da- what if they have telescopes set up for after the show?" Lily said. "We don't have any really large ones at Hogwarts, and-"

"I promise, Sir. 10:30," Severus said.

Lily sighed heavily, but she did not argue further.

Mr. Evans took Severus aside while Mrs. Evans fussed over Lily's dress.

"Here's a little extra money, if you need it," he whispered to Severus.

"No thank you, Sir; I have more than enough. I've been taking on some extra work this summer, to make sure of that."

"Good lad," Mr. Evans said. "Oh, and if Lily asks, tell her I gave you the usual father talk. She'll get offended if she thinks I trust the two of you too much."

Before Severus could respond, there was an unpleasant screech from the direction of Lily's bedroom. "Lily- get that awful boy out of the house before Vernon comes over!"

Mr. Evans slapped Severus on the back. "Sorry about Petunia- she's a bit on edge, lately."

"It's fine, Da," Lily interrupted. "We should go soon, anyway, if we're going to catch the bus."

The two said their goodnights, and before Severus knew it, he and Lily were outside, alone, walking to the bus stop.

"I know it's not my business, but I have to ask- where _did _you go with James on your date?" Severus asked.

"We volunteered at the soup kitchen," Lily said equably.

Severus stopped short, and then jogged to keep up with Lily, who'd kept her pace steady. "Um- I have to agree with your mum, Lily. That is not a date."

"It was a test," Lily said. "I couldn't believe it, but James passed with flying colors. He didn't utter a peep in complaint, and he was so kind to everyone- especially Mrs. Flora. He sat and listened to her talk about her son and the war for at least an hour. Afterward, James told me he planned to keep volunteering for the rest of the summer."

"I don't think James has ever seen that kind of poverty, before," Severus said quietly. "It must have affected him."

Lily cocked her head as she walked, as though she were figuring out a puzzle in her head. "He must have already known that there was poverty in the world, but then again, James doesn't seem to be very good with abstractions. If he doesn't see the problem, it doesn't exist to him. When he does see a problem, he comes at it with so much warmth and passion that I think his lack of imagination must be a coping mechanism. If he raged at every problem he knew existed, he would grow exhausted very quickly."

"He certainly runs hot and cold," Severus said. "I'm almost afraid to go back to school, now. I'm afraid James will go cold again when he's around his friends, and I'll lose that amazing warmth he's shown me."

Severus stopped suddenly, realizing what he'd just admitted out loud to Lily.

"He's shown you a great deal of trust," Lily said. "And you really like him, don't you?"

"Yeah," Severus said in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper.

They had entered the park, and they cut across on their way to the bus stop, winding their way through the trees off the beaten path.

"Sev, I spoke to James about you last week, and I realized something," Lily said quietly. She paused and faced Severus, a searching look in her eyes. "After the incident by the lake, you apologized for calling me the M-word. You were right to apologize, but I was surprised that you weren't angry at me for what I said."

"Why would I be angry with you?" Severus said.

"I called you _Snivillus_ and told you to wash your pants," Lily said.

"That wasn't as bad as what I said," Severus said, "and I hurt you first."

"You're right; it wasn't as bad," Lily said. "Still, I did the same thing you did. I lashed out because I was hurt."

"I lashed out at the wrong person. _James_ hurt me, not you."

"I hurt your male ego by standing up for you," Lily said, "which is sexist- just like you and Da arranging my curfew to _protect _me is sexist. But that's a conversation for another time. The point of this conversation is- why were you willing to let my transgression go? Why were you so desperate for my forgiveness?"

"I care about you, Lily."

"I care about you too, Sev, but I was willing to stand up for myself when you hurt me. I worry that you're emotionally dependent on me. I really don't think I can carry that burden. I don't want you to be my satellite, Sev. I don't want you to drift aimlessly through space, if I can't be there for you to orbit."

"I'm not going anywhere," Severus said, "and I don't want to think about losing you- not again."

"You can't ignore your problems, and hope they go away," Lily said firmly. "What happens if the coming war separates us?"

"I won't let it," Severus said.

"You're avoiding that problem, too," Lily said. "James told me he was going to let you make your own choices from now on, and I can appreciate _why_ he said so. But I can't do the same thing, Sev. Think of it this way- what if I were a Jew, and you were planning to join the gestapo? Wouldn't that separate us, and in the worst way?"

"Lily, that's completely different."

"How?"

Severus opened his mouth, but he found he didn't have a response.

"Take your time. I want you to talk to me about this. Please."

A lost look was creeping into Lily's eyes, and Severus wanted to turn away, like he had so many times before when she'd brought up the topic. But he realized that, after everything that had happened, he couldn't avoid Lily's questions any longer.

"In Slytherin, there's a lot of pressure to join the dark lord," Severus said. "These aren't just social pressures. My schoolwork, my friends, my future- even my life may be on the line. But if I join, I might be able to protect you and your family. In that case, wouldn't we be better off than if I defied the dark lord and died for it?"

"I have to admit- I hadn't considered that," Lily said slowly. "But why just protect me and my family, Sev? Why not try to save others? I'm not special."

"You _are_ special," Severus said. "Not everyone is worth saving, but you are."

"If you looked for the good in people, you would be surprised at what you found," Lily said urgently. "There are a lot more people worth saving than you think. At one time, James thought you were irredeemably evil, but then you showed him another side of yourself. Think of all the goodness that _you_ haven't been shown, yet."

Severus turned away from Lily. Looking at her was like looking at the sun- there was so much light he was afraid he would go blind. He wanted to retreat into the dark place he'd been so comfortably miserable, before.

"I thought you'd already forgiven me," Severus said. "I thought you forgave me when I spent the evening with you and James."

"I did forgive you, Severus," Lily said. "But I want to give you a real chance to be with me, so these are things I need to know. If I choose you over James, and then you leave me, what will _I_ have left? Will I become a satellite without a star, drifting through space forever?"

Severus couldn't answer. He felt torn between the impulse to assure Lily he would never leave her, and the urge to cry out that he was afraid.

He was afraid that all of this light would burn him.

Then Lily stepped forward and turned Severus to face her, smiling a sad smile.

"I understand that I might not get the opportunity to choose at all; you and James may choose each other, instead. If you do, that's okay. I can live with it, if the two of you are really happy. But if I lose you to the darkness- that, I couldn't bear."

Severus opened his mouth to protest that he would never choose James over Lily, but then found he could not. James had reached him- had touched his heart in a way that only Lily had ever managed before. The light seemed to burn him even more.

In that moment, Severus realized that it was too late to retreat into the darkness. So Severus steeled himself and reached up further into the light.

"Lily, you won't lose me to darkness. I will always choose the light because you and James _are_ the light. If either of you ask me to give away all the dark lord's secrets, I will. If you ask me to smuggle all of the muggleborns into Switzerland, I will. If you want me to swear allegiance to Dumbledore, and take up arms against Slytherin, I will. Give your commands, and I will obey because I trust you both."

Lily gasped, her eyes growing wide.

"In the meantime, please trust me in return. If I take up a dark weapon, trust that I will use it in service of the light. Trust that I won't betray you. Trust me to make the right choices on my own. Can you do that?"

"I can," Lily said. "I will."

Lily held out her pinky, and Severus linked it in his own in that sacred gesture of innocence, the origins of which are lost to time.

#

"Oh no- it can't be over. Please don't let it be over," Lily sighed as the false stars faded away, the planetarium lights turned on, and the sparse audience began its regress.

"I'm sorry, Lily- it's over. But I'm glad you liked the show."

"Mmm," Lily said, sitting up and stretching her arms. "We have to go, Sev. No- not back home, though I guess we _do _have to go home. I mean out there- to outer space."

"It will take a long time," Severus said, helping Lily stand. "Even if we build a rocket- the closest stars are light-years away."

"One lifetime just isn't enough to explore it all, is it?" Lily asked. "But I mean to try. I will go further than anyone else has gone before."

Severus and Lily walked together into the muggy evening air, and Lily looked up into the skies above, frowning.

"There's Jupiter, and the summer triangle. You can't see much more here, I'm afraid, so I guess there's no viewing, tonight," Lily said with a sigh. "I can't wait to be back at Hogwarts, away from the city lights and the pollution that blots the stars from the sky. If only I could get my hands on a large mirror- then the astronomy club could build a nice dobsonian, and to heck with those wizard-made telescopes."

Severus looked up into the sky, as well. "It's strange, isn't it? Wizards understand so little about the night sky- yet they don't cover it up. The muggles know so many hidden secrets about the stars, but then they make them hard to see."

"The wizards know enough to grow magic herbs according to lunar cycles, and time the brewing of complicated potions, but they don't explore the stars just to see what's _there,_" Lily said. "That's why they haven't progressed much beyond Ptolemy. But then muggles advance science and technology just because they can, and end up causing pollution, global warming, and nuclear proliferation. If only the two sides could come together- learn from each other, then we could solve so many of our blunders. But then again, maybe I really do have my head in the stars, and all of that is impossible."

"Maybe, but maybe not," Severus said thoughtfully.

"Hey- Sev. Come here," Lily said, dropping her voice. "I want to tell you a secret."

Severus looked down at Lily, unable to make out her expression in the dim lamplight. He leaned over, and Lily's hand cupped not around his ear, but on his cheek, pulling him closer and closer until their lips touched.

Severus didn't feel as though he were consumed in fire, but rather, he felt as though he were being wrapped in a warm blanket- soft, sweet, and comforting. Kissing Lily felt like coming home.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Salve for the Wounds

Severus's mind was working faster, now- filling in the blank spaces between the large revelations he found hidden in his mind. He remembered how quickly the rest of the summer had passed, his time divided between studying with Lily in the park or the church basement, and brewing potions in the run-down shed off the back of his house.

The last date he shared with Lily had doubled as a celebration, for they'd received 10 O.W.L. s each, with quite a few outstandings between them. The next day, Lily had run over to the park directly from church, carrying a letter in her hand.

"It's from James. He's asked us to go to Diagon Alley with him to pick up our books, and then to stay the evening at his house."

Severus took the letter from Lily, looking it over with a frown. "He lives in a cottage? That's surprising."

Lily sighed. "I do want to see him, but shopping with him- that would be too much, wouldn't it?"

Severus nodded, handing the letter back. "I don't want him to watch us scrounging around for used books. Or worse- offering to pay for new."

"Ew- no. I hope you understand, now, how I feel when you offer to keep me in the lap of luxury. I'll just write back and tell Potter we've already promised to go with Mum to Diagon Alley on Wednesday, and then we can go to his house when he comes back from shopping with his friends on Saturday. By the way, Mum has finished hemming your new robes. You can come by to try them on before you go back home."

Severus nodded and stood to follow Lily. "Do you know how much the fabric cost? I'd like to pay her back."

"Oh no- don't do that. The fabric was a steal, really. Keep your money for your school things."

"My robes are school things. Besides, the apothecary is paying me more now that I have my O.W.L.s."

"Then you'll be able to keep your schoolbooks and make margin notes, instead of having to sell them back at the end of the year," Lily said. "If I ever have money, I intend to keep a Library- I'm already starting to collect books. The wizard-muggle exchange rate has stayed so good this year that I went ahead and bought used copies of the Calculus and Mechanics books, so I'll be able to bring them to school after all."

"I'll add 'library' to the list of things I'm going to buy you when I make my fortune," Severus said, "and don't say 'ew.' I won't take no for an answer."

"Ok then- add computer to the list. There's one in the basement of the university, and I'm dying to learn how to program one. You can scratch a telescope off the list, because Mary McDonald was able to get her hands on a ten-inch mirror and a set of eyepieces, so the astronomy club can build one after all." Lily turned back to Severus as she walked. "What are you going to buy for yourself, when you get your fortune?"

"A place of my own, for starters," Severus said. "A big place, with a brewing lab instead of a shed. I suppose I'd invest the rest of the money, so I can retire early."

Severus and Lily spent a very happy afternoon together, dreaming of the future, and when Severus went home that evening, he put his new robes away in his trunk with a sense of satisfaction. Just a week and a half, and he could drag the trunk out of the shed and get away from this grimy town once more.

Severus was, therefore, completely blindsided when he entered the house, and his father was waiting for him, a scowl on his broad, ruddy face.

"Where have ye been, boy? I haven't seen ye all summer," he growled.

"I was out," Severus said, ducking his head and trying to move past him.

"Out? Is that how you talk to your da? Shoulda been out working- earning your keep."

"I have to study. I'm trying to make something of myself."

"Trying to be a bloody magician with a useless bag of tricks, more like," the man said. "Lazy and weird- no wonder the neighborhood thinks you're on drugs."

Then, in an almost careless gesture, Severus's father swiped the backside of his fist across Severus's face, hitting him in the eye. Before things could escalate any further, the television's volume rose, and the sound of "gooooooooooooooal" filled the air.

"Take that, Liverpool!" Severus's father cheered, and Severus ducked past him and ran upstairs to his room.

Severus's mother, however, had seen the exchange. She emerged from her dark corner and followed Severus up the stairs.

"Let me take a look at that."

"It's fine, mother. Leave it alone."

"You'll get a black eye. I have some dittany."

"I said leave it alone," Severus said before slamming his door.

An otherwise perfect day- ruined.

Severus looked into his cracked mirror, and he saw that a bruise was already blooming around his eye. Even with the dittany, he would still have the bruise when he went shopping with Lily, and it might even be there when he went to James's cottage.

The mirror began to rattle as the room started shaking.

Severus took a deep breath to calm himself. "A week and a half. That's all. Don't explode. Just keep going."

The mirror stopped rattling, and Severus took another deep breath. Somehow, it was growing easier for him to control his anger.

Somehow, he was able to get through the rest of the summer without incident.

He had to empty his entire bag of Slytherin tricks on Wednesday, but he managed to smuggle his money out of the shed and his new schoolbooks into it without his father noticing, even as his mother did her best to keep his father distracted. Saturday came, and he was clean, dressed, and ready to leave before the sun or his father were up. He met Lily in the park, and the two spent the morning together, filling notebooks with their plans for the school year.

"We should probably go soon," Lily said as she closed her notebook. "We'll need to take two buses to get there."

"Alright," Severus said, closing his own. He reached out to help Lily stand.

They were silent on the way to the bus stop, and Severus's nerves sung as they went. Finally, he had to break the silence.

"You look amazing," he said to Lily.

Lily had dressed herself simply but elegantly, in a white, strapless dress and heeled sandals. Her hair was pulled up, but it fell in loose tendrils here and there.

"Thanks. This is the best dress I have for this heat," Lily said, a blush painting her cheeks. "Besides, tonight is important."

"So- you've made your decision," Severus said.

Lily nodded. Then she turned to Severus and sighed.

"I'm selfish, Sev. I've made a selfish decision, but I have made one."

The bus arrived, and Lily and Severus were able to find open seats easily, since the bus was going away from the busy city center, out into the countryside where there would be few to witness them embark on the second part of their journey.

Severus blinked hard as he sat, willing himself _not_ to cry. Lily's tone had been so apologetic when she spoke of her decision that he knew she must have chosen James, and Severus could feel his heart breaking. Then Lily reached over and touched Severus's face so tenderly that he almost became undone.

"Let me see that eye, Sev. I have some dittany in my purse-" then Lily gasped, looking into Severus's eyes.

"Sev? What's wrong?"

"I understand, Lily. I hope you are happy," Severus said.

"Hey- don't jump to conclusions," Lily said, frowning. "I don't want to tell you what I've decided until we are all together, but if you look at me like that, I won't be able to stand it."

"No- it's fine, really," Severus said, pulling away. "I understand why you would choose him. He's funny, and warm, and handsome, and _good- _ so much better than I ever gave him credit for, and…"

"And you have feelings for him too, don't you?" Lily said softly.

Severus didn't answer.

Lily reached out and turned Severus's face toward her once more, and started dabbing at his eye with a handkerchief spotted with essence of dittany.

"Remember what I said, Sev. I love you. I'm not going to hurt you, so please, trust me."

Severus took a deep breath. "I do trust you, Lily."

Lily took Severus's hand, and she didn't let go when the disembarked from the muggle bus, or even when they stepped on board the knight bus. The two clung to each other for dear life as the bus whipped them over the country roads, through a lush park, and over a sprawling green lawn.

"Here we are. Godric's Hollow," the bus driver called out.

"Do you know which way Potter Cottage is?" Lily asked as she stood, somewhat shakily.

The bus driver pointed up the lawn, to the palatial stone manor in the distance. "Potter Cottage is straight ahead."

"Of course it is," Severus sighed.

Lily and Severus disembarked and headed across the lawn, but they had not gotten far before Severus stiffened and clutched Lily's hand even tighter.

"_Black,"_ he growled.

Indeed, the handsome, dark-haired figure of Sirius Black was walking toward them from the house. Sirius paused when he saw Severus, and held up his hands as though to prove he had no wand.

"No need to panic; I'm just one my way out. James told me to make myself scarce tonight, so I'm going to stay with Remus. Oh- and call me Sirius. I'm over my surname."

Severus didn't answer, but stayed perfectly still as Sirius passed. Sirius paused, leaning down to whisper into Severus's ear.

"You hurt my best mate, and you're a dead man."

Then Sirius continued on, whistling a tune.

"I wonder if I should feel insulted that _I_ didn't get a death threat," Lily said as Sirius walked away.

"Don't worry- I'm sure it's entirely personal," Severus replied.

Sirius's tune broke as he let out a bark of laughter behind them.

Lily and Severus continued onto the house, clattering up the gravel walk until they found themselves at a heavy oak door. Before they could pull the bell the door opened, and James appeared, a wide grin on his face.

"I'm so glad you both made it," he said, pulling each of them into a one-armed hug so that all three of them were squished together tightly. Then, just as Severus was losing his ability to breathe, he let go. "Come in! Did you have any trouble finding the place?"

"How could anyone possibly have trouble finding this place?" Severus said.

"Seriously, James," Lily added. "Just because a building is made from stone, and has ivy growing in the front, that doesn't make it a cottage."

James blushed a little, but his enthusiasm was unabated as he ushered the two inside.

Severus had expected to find an ostentatious interior, but the house was neat and simply furnished in the Georgian style. The style of the house did give Severus pause, because the Potters were a very old family- the oldest in Godric's hollow according to Narcissa Black- and Severus knew that Godric's hollow had been founded by Godric Gryffindor himself. Severus wondered to himself why the house did not reflect its medieval origins.

"We saw Sirius on our way out," Severus said as they walked through the foyer. "Apparently he's no longer going by the name 'Black.'"

"Oh yeah- his mum kicked him out at the beginning of the summer, so he's been living here."

"It's nice of you, and your parents, to let him stay," Lily said.

"Eh- my parents are hardly here, to be honest. They're going into retirement, which apparently means being as difficult to find as possible." James's mouth twisted in an uncharacteristically bitter expression, but it only lasted for a moment before his bright smile returned. "So that means we have the place to ourselves."

"You mean you _lured_ me here when you knew your parents wouldn't be present? I can't believe you, James. What kind of girl do you think I am?" Lily said sternly.

James's face went red, and he stammered until Lily broke into giggles.

"Oh for heaven's sake, James- for a renowned prankster, you sure are gullible," She said. "Come on- give us a tour of the house. Sev and I are wild to see how the other half lives."

#

James led Lily and Severus through the house, seeming both bored and nervous about the whole process. He glossed over Severus's questions about the portraits in the halls with the vague response that they were ancestors, and then rushed them past the portrait of one I. Peverell, who shouted at Lily and Severus to mind their own business. When Lily spied a library through an open door, James shut the door quickly with the excuse that it was being renovated. When Severus asked about a winding staircase that seemed to go nowhere, James just shrugged and then rushed them through to the back gardens.

"House tours and ancestral portraits are all incredibly boring," James said. "It's one of the reasons I'm glad I'm with the two of you, instead of being engaged to some pureblood socialite who would insist giving tours weekly once we're married."

"But we aren't engaged," Lily pointed out.

"I hope we will be some day," James said.

"Wait- you're proposing to Lily, or-"

"Not just Lily- I want to marry both of you," James said breezily. Then he pointed into the distance. "Come on- I want to show you what's growing in the greenhouses."

"Wait," Severus said. "Potter- you can't marry both of us."

James turned back, looking hurt. "Why not?"

"Because that happens to be illegal in this country," Severus said. "Both on the wizard and muggle sides."

"_Pffft_, laws." James scoffed. "What do a bunch of rules written by crusty old bureaucrats have to do with our feelings? If a law is unjust, we should just ignore it and do whatever we want. That's called morality."

"That's the most Slytherin thing I've ever heard," Severus said. "Aside from which- wasn't Lily supposed to decide between us?"

James cocked his head, frowning. "Do you still want her to?"

Severus's breath caught, and then he turned to Lily, who was looking at James with a very strange expression.

"Weren't you going to show us the greenhouses?" she said quietly.

"Oh- yes." James turned back up the walkway just as a chiming sound began echoing through the gardens.

"Sorry," James said. "That was the dinner bell. I guess the greenhouses will have to wait."

#

James led Lily and Severus into a small but elegantly furnished dining hall, which was lit with candles whose light danced on glittering crystal.

"Oh- James," Lily sighed, spinning to look around. "It's lovely."

"I thought I'd go all out. We don't really dine like this every night- usually it's just me and Sirius in the kitchens."

There were three places set, and the three teens spent a few moments looking at each other shyly, as though hoping that the others would sit first. Finally, James pulled a seat out for Lily, and Severus sat quickly beside her, afraid if he waited too long James would do the same for him.

As soon as the three had settled themselves, food appeared on the china dishes, and something that looked suspiciously like sparkling wine appeared in the crystal goblets, which turned out to be plain water with a glamour cast on it.

James toasted, "to food!" and then Lily cleared her throat.

"I want to say thank you to both of you for going along with this," Lily said. "You've both been so patient, and you've acted in such good faith that I feel guilty."

"Don't feel guilty," James said. "I think I know what you're going to say, and I'm all for it."

"Really?" Lily said, her face lighting up. "How about you, Sev."

"As I said before- as long as you're happy together, I understand."

James buried his face in his napkin and let out a loud groan. "There you go again- looking for the worst. This should be obvious, Sev." He unburied his face and turned to Lily. "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

"No- I will." Lily took a sip of water, and then looked up to Severus.

"Sev, I spent a lot of time this summer soul-searching. My feelings for both of you were difficult to discern, even though they've been staring me in the face this whole time. Sev- you've been my friend since I was a kid, so I hardly noticed my feelings for you as they changed . I wasted a lot of time worrying about you, but you've shown me that my worry was moot. We weren't growing apart- our feelings were growing stronger, and it was confusing.

"And James," Lily said, turning to him. "I've always thought you were so ridiculous, because you've gone out of your way time and time again to get my attention, but you didn't need to. I've always seen you- clever, funny, and loyal to your friends. That's why it always hurt me so much when you tormented my best friend, and when he fought you in return. I guess that's why I couldn't figure out my feelings until that was resolved. My reasons for this game were ultimately selfish- as is my decision."

"It's not selfish at all," James said. "Why push someone you care for away, if you don't have to? Society's rules are stupid and arbitrary- don't tear us apart just to conform."

"Wait- Lily, are you saying… you choose both of us?" Severus said.

"Yes, if the two of you feel the same way," Lily whispered.

"I do," James said. "I care for both of you. I want to be with both of you."

Then James and Lily both turned to Severus, the same, shy smile on both of their faces.

"Do you think you would be willing to try?" Lily asked in a soft voice. She brushed a lock of hair behind her bare shoulder, and then leaned forward. "It's ok if you say no. This is even weirder than my game was, and I don't want to pressure you to do anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable."

Severus hesitated, and then carefully grasped a crystal goblet, taking a long drink of water to soothe his parched throat. "If I said no," he asked, "would you- would the two of you…"

"Would we be together without you?" Lily finished for him.

"No," James answered firmly.

"Without you Sev- no. It wouldn't work out," Lily added.

"It would have to be a secret," Severus said slowly. "No one would understand- least of all the Slytherins."

Lily cast a sly glance at James. "That means no **bragging** about it."

James's eyes went wide with an expression of mock innocence. "Would I ever?"

"Yes!" Lily and Severus said together.

James laughed, a high-pitched, nervous sound. Then his expression grew sober. "I meant what I said. If you want me to keep your secrets, I will. Whatever you need, Sev."

"Yes," Severus blurted without a second thought. "I want to try. I want to make this work."

"Are you sure?" Lily said. "You and James have grown so much in a few short weeks, but I know how things have been between you. Are you sure there's wouldn't be any resentment- any jealousy?"

Severus turned to look at James- at the boy who had, up until this summer, been his bitterest enemy. Now, as Severus stared into those burning dark eyes, focused on those soft, tempting lips, Severus couldn't even remember what their enmity had felt like.

"I don't know, Lily," Severus said honestly. "I don't think so, but…"

"Well, I'm a scientist," Lily said, standing. "So I will test this empirically."

"What does that m-" James started to say before Lily cut him off by pressing her lips against his.

Severus could not describe, even to himself, what he felt as he watched James sink into the kiss, or as he watched Lily close her eyes, letting a little sigh escape as he did. Perhaps it was something like fear or nervousness. But most of all, he was enraptured by the sight- unable to look away.

Lily broke the kiss, and then turned to Severus. "Are you okay?"

"I- yeah," Severus said.

Lily rushed to him and pressed her lips against Severus's. Then, not to be outdone, James's kiss soon followed, and Severus found himself breathless.

Afterward, the three stared at each other for a few awkward, silent moments. Then James burst out laughing, and Lily and Severus followed- first at themselves, and then at the absurdity of the situation, but then, ultimately, they laughed for Joy.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Curiouser and Curiouser

Severus felt as though he were two different people, now- one with a light deep within him that was doomed to be snuffed out with his memories. The incongruence between his younger and elder self was so strong that Severus found himself watching the scenes pass as though he were an outsider, once more.

He followed in amazement as his younger self, along with Lily, disembarked the city bus and approached King's Cross, dragging their trunks behind them. As they entered King's Cross, Severus pulled Lily into an alcove, away from the crowds.

"We'll have to say goodbye here," Severus said. "You can go ahead of me, and I'll wait a few minutes before I go. That way, we won't be seen together."

Lily sighed, a look of concern filling her eyes. "Are you sure you want to keep this secret? It doesn't seem fair to you."

Severus took Lily's hand and brought it to his lips. "It's safer this way- for you and for me. Your blood status already makes you a target; our involvement would bring you under greater scrutiny."

Lily nodded. "Remember where James told you to meet us tomorrow evening."

"Don't worry," Severus said with a grin. "Even if I had forgotten, I still have his gift."

Severus drew a long chain from under his shirt, revealing a plain, silver disk. The disk was a locket, the inside of which was just large enough to hold a small, folded sheet of paper. All Severus had to do was speak the name, "Lily" or "James," and the paper would be transported to the corresponding locket that Lily and James both wore.

These remarkable magic items had been found, apparently, in a box of junk in James's garret.

Severus dropped the locket and ran a finger over Lily's soft cheek, and then he leaned down, kissing her gently on the lips.

"Go," he whispered. "I'll be fine. James is waiting for you."

Lily flung her arms around Severus's neck, and then she moved to exit the alcove. She hesitated and turned back at the entrance, but Severus gave her encouraging nod, and she smiled and winked in return.

Then Lily was gone.

Young Severus fingered the silver disc for a few moments, and then he slipped it back under his shirt. The memory of reassurance this simple move had bestowed- the cool touch of metal that burned like a brand against his skin- brought Severus back into his younger self. The locket had served as a constant reminder that he was loved and accepted. It had been a token of the precious secret that he kept.

The knowledge that he had once been loved reignited the light inside the elder Severus, and his perspective blended with the young man's once more.

Severus counted five minutes, and then emerged from the alcove. As he walked toward platform 9 ¾, he heard a familiar voice shouting behind him.

"Hey- ponce. Hold up," Avery called.

Severus took a deep breath and steeled himself for the role he had to play.

"What is it, wanker?" he asked as Avery trotted alongside him.

"Look at your face- if looks could kill, you'd be shooting green light from your eyes," Avery said, laughing. "I'd have thought you'd be happier to get away from the muggles."

"If there's one thing that doesn't inspire happiness in me," Severus sneered, "it's a crowded train platform."

"Just look at the muggles," Avery said, gazing around him with glittering eyes. "They're swarming like ants. What I wouldn't do to be able to start a bit of chaos, eh? Once I'm out of school, there will be no end to the mayhem."

_So, you're an aspiring terrorist? Lovely, _Severus thought.

"Keep your eyes out for an invitation," Avery continued. "Word has it that Lucius Malfoy is going to have a little get-together for promising students, and there will be a very special guest for us all to meet."

_So soon?_ Severus thought with a start. He forced his mouth into a bitter grin, and said, "I'm not worried. Lucius can see talent, and my O.W.L.s will be hard for him to ignore."

"One of the perks of being a ponce, I guess," Avery said with a raucous laugh. "I'll have to do something _special_ this semester to make sure _he_ will notice me."

_Duly noted,_ Severus thought.

Severus didn't see Lily or James on the train platform, which was lucky- he wasn't sure he was ready to keep his countenance around them. Severus and Avery settled themselves in an empty compartment, and soon after, Mulciber entered, followed shortly by Bellatrix and Narcissa Black.

"Bella-" Nacissa was whispering. "I want to sit at the front."

"Not now," Bellatrix said, sitting next to Mulciber. "We have things to discuss, isn't that right?"

"Yeah-" Mulciber said brusquely. Then he turned to Severus. "I saw your mudblood girl on the platform holding hands with James Potter. Bad luck, mate."

"The _nerve_ of that bint!" Avery exploded. "After Snape spent years defending her- this is how she thanks him? We ought to hit her with a few- _interesting_ hexes."

_You do, and I will destroy you utterly, _Severus thought. Out loud, he said, "Leave Evans to me- she's mine."

"Alight," Avery said, a manic grin spreading across his face. "Let me know if you need help, when the time comes. In the meantime, I'll focus on Potter."

"Don't you dare. Potter is mine, as well."

For a moment, Severus had to school his expression, for he was tempted to grin at the double-meaning his words had implied. Thankfully, his anger overrode his private amusement, and he could see his companions took his anger to be directed at James and Lily, instead of Avery.

"But really, what did you expect, sweetie?" Bella said with an exaggerated pout. "After you declared your true loyalty by the lake, poor Lily didn't have anywhere else to go."

Severus almost dropped his façade, then. No wonder Lily had been so angry- even Bellatrix Black had interpreted Severus's use of the expletive - _mudblood_ – to be a declaration of his loyalty to the blood purists. He wanted to storm out of the carriage, find Lily, and apologize all over again.

"It is a shame, though," Narcissa was saying in a quiet voice. "I'd thought that Evans had potential. I've been watching her, and it's clear she's not content to watch the wizarding world step quietly aside while muggles claim all of the accomplishments and glory for themselves."

"It doesn't matter. She was born to muggles, and so she will always carry their filth in her veins," Bellatrix said. "Besides- the girl is mad. It's best to forget about her, Sevvy my love. There are much better witches for you to go after."

Severus looked around, feeling disgust settle in the pit of his stomach as he viewed the faces of those he'd once considered friends with new eyes.

_Not likely,_ Severus thought. He raised his eyebrows. "I am currently focused on more important matters than _romance, _Bella."

Bellatrix shrugged. "Suit yourself. I'm only here to give the three of you a warning- don't trust Slughorn."

A tense silence settled over the carriage, and finally, Mulciber spoke.

"So- I take it old Sluggy isn't as neutral as he pretends?" he said, his face twisting into a dark scowl.

"Hardly," Bellatrix said with a snort. "Snape and Rudkins would both be in his precious little club, if so. But it appears that _ickle Sluggy_ is scared of the dark arts, and he wants Dumbledore to protect him."

"Watch what you say around Slughorn," Narcissa added. "Now please, Bella-"

"We have to go now," Bellatrix said, standing. "Ta-ta, my darlings."

"Well, this is interesting," Avery said, narrowing his eyes.

"Indeed it is," Severus added.

A plan was beginning to take shape in Severus's mind. If he meant to protect Lily, he would need a way to leak information from Slytherin without getting caught, and if he played his cards right, Slughorn would provide just the scapegoat he would need to do so.

_You try to hurt Lily, and I will see your pathetic plans for world-domination crumble to the dust,_ Severus thought as Bellatrix left. 

#

One evening and one day passed; it was harder for Severus to get through than he'd thought it would be.

He had avoided looking over at the Gryffindor table at the welcoming feast, though he felt the pull to go join them grow stronger with each moment. Afterward he had spelled his bedcurtains shut, cast _muffliato,_ and spent the evening writing notes to Lily and James and pouring over the replies. When the sun rose, he reluctantly vanished the mess of papers and tucked the locket back into his robes.

He'd shared NEWT level arithmancy with Lily, so he sat at the back of the room during class, keeping his eyes glued to his book. He wasn't able to avoid James, however- the two shared NEWT level Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Professor Collins- a man who had been released from Azkaban that summer and now believed himself to be a vampire- had assigned James to be Severus's partner.

"Ve vill be pwacticing vordless stunning and shield spells only," the professor said in the worst Transylvanian accent Severus had ever heard. "I vill monitor your pwogwess. Pwease begin."

"Do your best, Snape," James said with a serious expression, though his eyes twinkled with private amusement. "I'm not scared of you."

_He's going to burst out laughing any second,_ Severus thought. _I'll have to cast some childish prank spell at myself and frame him for it, if he does. _

"I'm not afraid of you, either," Severus said. "Evans taught me wordless magic, herself. Let's see how well you do without your lackeys to back you up."

James waved his wand in the air a few times with no effect. Severus made one attempt, and then on his second he sent a wordless stunner at James. James fell, and without thinking, Severus found his feet were carrying him forward to help James. He stopped himself, and then slowly backed into his original position.

"Curses!" James said, standing up. "You'll pay for that, Snape."

_Did he actually say "curses?"_ Severus thought in amazement.

James waved his wand a few more times, and then managed a weak stunner, which Severus blocked wordlessly.

"Is that the best you can do, _pretty boy_?" Severus asked.

"There's more where that came from, _Sevvy-pants."_

At that moment, James was hit from behind with a jelly-legs jinx, and Severus was pulled forward with another spell, causing him to crash into James's prone form.

"Oh no- they're fighting again," Severus heard Remus say.

Sirius stepped forward and pulled Severus off of James, whispering, "get some acting lessons, you two," before helping James to his feet.

The whole room had stopped practicing, and were staring at James and Severus as Sirius pulled them apart. Severus saw Mulciber staring at him from across the room, so he made a show of struggling to push past Sirius toward James. Thankfully he had dropped his wand, so he didn't have to throw a hex.

"Bweak it up, you two," Professor Collins said, casting a wordless shield between them. "Iv I catch you fighting again, you vill haff to leave the woom."

"Yes Sir," James and Severus said in chorus.

#

Severus muddled through the rest of the day without getting into any scrapes. He went to the library after class, and though it was quiet, he missed the scratching of Lily's quill, the sighs of satisfaction she let loose whenever she grasped a difficult problem, and the excited whispers they shared as they planned their studies.

Finally, when the Library closed, Severus almost flew to the corridor where James had told him to go, and he quickly found the portrait James had described.

Severus hesitated, hoping he had understood James correctly when he'd said to 'tickle the pear.'

The pear giggled, and the portrait swung open, revealing a massive kitchen.

"Sev!" Lily said, running across the kitchen and into Severus's arms. "Come in! We're safe here- it's just us and the house elves, and they are bound to keep everyone's secrets."

Severus walked into the kitchen, and the portrait swung itself shut as the elves squeaked, "good evening, sir!" in chorus.

Lily looked around at the elves with a strained smile, and then shuddered slightly.

At that moment, the portrait swung open again, and James burst through.

"You aren't mad at me, are you Sev?" he said pleadingly. "I didn't mean anything I said during our duel. You know that, right? And what Sirius did- he was just trying to cover for us."

"Don't worry, James," Severus said. "Sirius is right- you're a terrible actor."

James laughed. "I'd thought he was talking to both of us." Then James paused, his eyes growing wide. "Hey- say it again."

"What- you're a terrible actor?"

"No- the part where you called me James."

"Ok, James," Severus said, and then James cut him off with a passionate kiss.

Behind them, Lily giggled. "What happened in defense class, anyway? Mary told me that the two of you almost killed each other."

"Oh good- they bought it," James said. He took Severus's hand and led him to a table, which was already laid out with tea and biscuits. "You see Lils- Severus and I were paired together in defense, so we had to pretend to fight. I guess we were doing a terrible job, because Sirius hexed the pair of us to make it look like we were trying to kill each other."

Lily sat, laughing so hard that the teacups rattled. "I almost wish I'd taken defense this year, just to see that."

"Lily- why _aren't_ you taking defense?" Severus asked quietly.

"You know I've never had the stomach for fighting," Lily sighed, adding milk to her tea. "And I have so many other things to study before I leave school that I had to leave that class time open. I thought I would focus on useful charms instead- wards, glamours, and such- so I would be able to defend myself when… when the war comes."

"The war isn't just coming- it's here," Severus said. "Avery is planning to do something that will catch the Dark Lord's eye this semester, and I have reason to believe he might make one of you his target. I'll be keeping my ears open, but watch your back in the meantime."

James nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks for letting us know, Sev. Lily- do you think that you could ask Slughorn to keep an ear out, as well?"

"That may not be as helpful as you think," Severus said. "Bellatrix has warned everyone that Slughorn is siding with Dumbledore, so Avery is unlikely to let anything slip around him."

Lily's eyes went wide. "You don't think they'll target Slughorn too, do you?"

"He's still a professor, and things haven't descended into open warfare, yet," Severus said. "Still, it might be a good idea to warn him. _Discreetly."_

_ "_I can be discreet," Lily said. "Don't worry."

"I can't help but worry, Lily. You don't want to get on any of the Slytherins' bad side. I've heard rumors that Lucius Malfoy is planning to introduce the most promising Slytherins to the Dark Lord at Christmas."

Lily gasped. "So soon? I'd thought we'd have more time before…"

"As I said- it's started." Severus leaned forward and whispered, even though he knew, logically, that the room was secure.

"Do you want me to go, if I'm invited? If I do, I may be able to get more information about the Dark Lord's plans."

"Sev- you don't have to," Lily whispered, entwining her fingers with his. "I can't imagine how dangerous that would be- to spy on the Dark Lord himself."

"I am willing to take the risk," Severus said, "if it can help you and James. James- do you know a safe way to get the information to Dumbledore, if you need to?"

James was staring at Severus, a look of open and frank admiration shining in his eyes. "This is the most courageous thing I've ever heard, Sev."

"It's really no-" Severus said before being pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"You're really in this all the way now, aren't you?" James said.

"I am," Severus whispered.

Severus pulled away from James, and he looked over to see Lily's eyes were filled with tears.

"Lily-"

"Oh! Sev," Lily cried, and she stood to join James, spilling kisses all over Severus's face.

The three held each other for a time, and then Lily returned to her seat, wiping her eyes with a napkin and quickly adopting a businesslike persona.

"Alright- if we're going to do this, we will need to work harder than ever," she said. "James- we're all keeping important secrets, so it's vital that you join our study group now."

"Er- study group? How will joining a study group help me keep a secret?"

"Knowledge is power," Lily said in a singsong voice. "Sev and I have been hoarding power for years, haven't we?"

"We've been trying, at least," Severus said. "We've been straying from the standard curriculum for a while- studying anything that seemed useful. This year, Lily and I had planned to learn mind magic- occlumency and legilimency- which will be useful if we're going to keep each other's secrets."

"Oh- ah, I'd be glad to join," James said, blushing. "But, er- actually…"

Lily sighed. "What is it, James?"

"I… I already know mind magic."

Severus, taken completely off guard, dropped his teacup with a clatter.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Secrets and Lies

Dropping a teacup in the kitchens was, Severus imagined, something akin to dropping a vial of biotoxin in a cleanroom. As soon as the cup was dropped, a high-pitched cry went off like an alarm bell. Severus was immediately set upon by a swarm of dismayed house elves, who quickly, and with great efficiency, cleared away the broken cup, mopped up the tea, cleaned and freshened the tablecloth, sanitized his robes, and left him holding a full, fresh cup of steaming hot tea.

"What just happened?" Lily said, bewildered, as the storm of elves subsided.

"James," Severus said, putting his teacup down carefully, this time. "I will show you the same courtesy you have shown me. I won't pressure you to share anything you aren't comfortable sharing, but in light of your recent revelation, I have to ask; is there something you aren't telling us?"

"Oh, yeah!" Lily said, snapping her fingers. "I'm just now realizing how _weird_ that tour of your house was: the portraits who accused us of snooping, the staircase that went nowhere, and how _nervous_ you seemed about the whole thing. Why did you invite us over, if you didn't want us to see your house?"

"I- I knew we could have privacy at my house," James said, looking around like a deer caught in headlights.

"As I said- you don't have to tell us, if you aren't comfortable," Severus said firmly.

"The truth is that I have a few secrets, but they aren't mine to tell," James said, "and this one- it's big. Really big. I'm dying to tell both of you about it, but I can't."

"Why not?" Lily asked, cocking her head to the side.

"There's a geas- a magically binding order not to tell. The geas isn't just on me, but on my whole family. I can't tell you about it until we get married, which is _frustrating. _I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Severus said. "Your secrets are yours to keep."

"It would be better if I could tell you now, because I'm going to need your help. Plus, it's unfair that you have to get involved before you can even know what it is- but it's nothing bad," James said quickly. "Don't get the wrong idea. This isn't a deep, dark family secret. It's a deep _light_ family secret."

"James," Lily said quietly, covering his hand with her own. "I think it would be best to change the subject. You're just getting frustrated, and you're making _us_ more and more curious."

"Ok- yeah," James said with a nervous laugh. "Let's get back to the study group, then."

"Alright," Severus said, and then paused. "Am I allowed to ask how you learned mind magic?"

"My parents hired tutors for me," James said. "I was too dense to learn it on my own. But I think I could help the two of you, now that I have it down."

"If we got really good at legilimency, and succeeded in breaking through your occlumency barriers, then would we be able to see the secret in your mind?" Lily asked.

James's eyes went blank, and he spoke in a monotone voice. "I can neither confirm nor deny that."

Then he shook his head, his eyes cleared, and he reached out for a biscuit.

"That was weird," Severus remarked.

"I think it means that I'm onto something," Lily said gleefully. "That was the geas taking effect- wasn't it, James?"

James's eyes went blank once more. "I can neither confirm nor deny that." Then he shook his head once more and groaned in frustration. "Please, Lily- stop that. It feels really weird."

"I have incentive, now," Lily said with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Can we meet here on Saturday morning to get started on mind magic? Sorry- I can't do Friday night because of prefect duties, and I can't do Saturday night because of Astronomy club."

"That's fine," Severus said. "It will look less suspicious if I get up early once in a while, rather than always coming in late."

"In the meantime, you two can practice on your own," James said. "Try meditating for 10 minutes every day. It will help."

"Any specific type of meditation?" Lily asked. "Mindfulness, transcendental…"

James shrugged. "Just try and clear your mind."

"Alright," Lily said. "We should also try to make some progress on our individual projects. As I said before, I'll be adding wards and glamoury to my current project list."

Severus nodded. "Then I'll look into advanced spellcraft, and try to create some more powerful hexes. I want to be _armed,_ if things go wrong."

Lily grimaced, but did not object. "Let me know if you need any help."

Then Severus and Lily looked up at James.

"I actually want to study-" he paused. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"Promise," Lily said with an encouraging smile.

"I'm most interested in healing magic," James said.

"That's going to be incredibly useful," Lily said. "Why would we laugh?"

"Well, because I'm not exactly the type, I guess?" James said, his face growing red.

"This is about survival, James," Severus said firmly. "Whenever you find that you're worried about what people will say, or worried you will be embarrassed, ask yourself if giving in to that worry will make you weaker, or stronger."

James blinked, as though this way of thinking was unexpected, and then he nodded.

"Alright- so here are our assignments," Lily continued in her businesslike tone. "I will practice meditating, work on wards and glamoury, and try to find a way to warn Slughorn that Slytherin knows about his loyalties. Sev- you will practice meditation, work on your spellcraft, and keep an eye on the aspiring death eaters. And James- you will work on healing spells and try to find a secure way to pass Dumbledore information."

James groaned. "We're taking on too much, aren't we?"

"We are, but if things get really bad, Sev and I have found a way to keep up with extra work." Lily made a face. "I don't like it, though, so let's save it for an emergency."

"If you say so," Severus said with a shrug.

Lily finished off her tea and put the cup down with a sharp _clink. _"I hate to say this, but it's getting late, and I have charms early tomorrow morning."

"In that case, we have one last item of business to attend to," James said, his voice matching Lily's crisp tone.

"What's that?"

James grinned. "Goodnight kisses, of course."

#

When Severus returned to the Slytherin common room, the air had taken on a distinctive chill.

The eerie green light that filled the common room during the day had gone. After the sun set, there was no light to trickle through the murky lake waters and spill through the massive windows that lined the room. Instead, the darkness outside had transformed the windows into massive mirrors that reflected silver lamplight, making the room appear twice as large as during the day.

Many older Slytherins were still awake, but most of them were sitting idly on sofas or reading textbooks, so that the room was very still. Severus's footsteps echoed off of the marble floors, announcing his arrival to the few who were still present.

"Snape!" a voice echoed through the room, and for a moment Severus could not tell from where it had come. Then the echo repeated, and Severus could see Avery and Black waving at him from the green couch on the far side of the room.

"Out studying this late on the _second_ day of school?" Avery said, shaking his head. "You're going to drive yourself mad before your NEWTs."

"Some of us actually care about our scores," Regulus Black said in his quiet, prim voice.

Looking at Regulus, Severus had to marvel that he and Sirius were actually brothers. Sirius was brash, loud, and messy, with black hair past his shoulders and a manic look in his eye. Regulus, on the other hand, was tidy and quiet, with perfectly groomed hair and a thoughtful disposition. If one looked closely, they would be able to see the family features in each, but the outward mannerisms of the brothers were so different that they overwhelmed any other resemblance.

"I thought you'd want in on what me and Reggie are planning," Avery said, grinning. "Reggie's ex-brother has made it clear that he stands against his family and against wizard-kind. We thought we'd do something about him and those three Gryffindors he hangs around with."

"I thought I told you that _Potter_ was mine," Severus said.

"Listen mate, it was obvious in defense today that you'll need help dealing with Potter. His friends will _always_ bail him out," Avery said.

"This way, we can get all four of them out of the way, at once," Regulus added.

"Don't worry," Avery lowered his voice and leaned closer to Severus. "We'll make sure that Potter and his goons never cause trouble again. Are you in?"

Severus swallowed. He could see no way out. If he agreed, he'd at least be able to warn James and the others of the plan. Hopefully, he would find a way to conceal the fact that he'd betrayed Avery and Black.

"I'm in," Severus said. He cast _muffliato_, and then sat. "What's the plan?"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Explosions

If Severus had wanted to assassinate someone, he would have _imperiused _them to wander onto the path of an oncoming train. If he'd wanted the death to make a statement, he would have transfigured a small portion of his enemy's tea into Polonium-210 before they took a sip. Avery, however, had flashier ideas on the matter.

"So, the first part of the encryption process involves a simple _arcanius_ charm," Lily was saying to James as she demonstrated over the back of a napkin. "Say _sepu speu aracnium nox,_ waving your wand in a figure eight. Make sure you say the words at these points on the figure," Lily drew a figure eight with a pen, and put a dot on each point of the figure where one was to speak, "and then say your password when you hit the center."

"You think this charm is simple? It took Remus _ages_ to get it right, when he tried it."

Severus did not think Avery's plan would work, but he still needed to tell James about it. The problem was, he wasn't sure how to the broach the subject.

"A powerful wizard will be able to break through the _arcanius, _of course, which is why the actual information will be written in a cipher. I've written the basic integral formulas here, but I've replaced certain parts with arithmancy symbols. As you know, the numbers in arithmancy correspond with letters of the English alphabet, and vice versa. A normal wizard would not be able to tell which parts had been replaced, because they aren't familiar with muggle calculus. A normal muggle won't be able to understand, either, because they don't know arithmancy. But a powerful wizard who had studied muggle sciences…"

"You mean Albus Dumbledore!" James exclaimed.

"Exactly- or certain muggleborn wizards could crack the cipher, as well. However, since you found a secret passage that leads to Dumbledore's liquor cabinet, we can be sure he'll receive the information."

"And even if it falls into the wrong hands before he gets the message, no death eater will be able to read it," James said. "Lily, you're so brilliant! I could kiss you."

"Well, why don't you kiss me, then?"

Severus had been trying to get a word in edgewise all evening, but Lily and James had been so excited about their discoveries that they'd been talking nonstop all morning. Now, however, their lips were otherwise occupied, so Severus took advantage of the opportunity.

"Avery asked me to build him a time bomb."

James and Lily broke their kiss and stared at Severus.

"A… what?" James said slowly.

"Well- the magical equivalent of a time, bomb, I guess," Severus continued. "He wants me to brew a potion that contains all of the force of a powerful _reducto,_ and he plans to transfigure the potion into something innocuous. Regulus will plant the bomb onto Sirius, and then when all of Sirius's friends are together, Avery will release the transfiguration. As soon as he does…"

"_Kaboom,_" James finished grimly.

"The problem is, I don't know what Avery is planning to transfigure the potion into. I hope that, once we warn him, Sirius will be able to catch his brother in the act. In the meantime, I'll have to create a dud potion and then, if it actually goes off, tell Avery that it's practically impossible to create a potion with that much explosive potential- which is true."

"It's possible," Lily said primly. "It's easy for a wizard to create enough liquid oxygen to do the trick- all he'd need is a strong enough _frigidiro._"

Lily leaned over, scribbling on Severus's notebook. "Liquid oxygen, liquid hydrogen, kerosene…"

"We'd need a catalyst so it would go off on its own," Severus said, leaning over the formula that Lily was sketching out. "Perhaps if we added hellebore-"

"Wait a minute- are you two actually going to build a bomb for this guy?" James exclaimed.

"Oh- ah…" Severus put down his quill.

"Of course not, James. This would make a brilliant rocket fuel, though," Lily said, sighing.

"One day, we'll build it," Severus said gently. "If we don't blow ourselves up, trying. For now, I'll just make a potion that will flash and emit a loud _bang_ without actually causing any damage."

"A wizard flash-bang. That could do the trick," Lily said.

"I'll warn Sirius, in the meantime." James said. "I could try to warn the others but… well, they'll ask how I found out, and none of them know about us- no one but Sirius."

"You are certain that he was ok to trust with this information?" Severus said.

"Definitely. I know you don't trust Sirius, but trust _me_ when I say he would die before he betrayed us."

Severus nodded. "Don't worry about the others- the potion will be completely harmless if it does go off, but it will be best if it looks like Sirius caught Regulus all on his own. That way, I won't have to explain the dud potion."

James nodded, and then he stretched and yawned. "I have quidditch practice this afternoon, so we should probably get some occlumency practice in now."

"Alright," Lily said, putting her notebook away. "How do we start?"

"Just clear your mind, and try to keep it clear while I cast legilimens," James said. "If you stay focused, you'll be able to feel my attack and block me."

#

Later that afternoon, Severus walked the halls aimlessly – lost in thought.

He was exhausted, yet exhilarated from his first experience with mind-magic. He had only tried occlumency so far, but he'd found he had a natural affinity for it. On his first attempt, he was not only able to detect James's intrusion, but for a few moments he'd actually held James at bay. Then, on his third attempt, he'd let James in and effortlessly diverted him toward a false memory he imagined on the spot. For a minute, James had been fooled into thinking that Severus and Lily had once hijacked a zeppelin.

Severus, it seemed, had been designed by nature to be a spy.

Lily, on the other hand, had shown no such affinity for the subject. She was, after all, a girl who openly told her friends when she planned to trick them. During practice, James had inadvertently seen a particularly painful memory of a fight Lily had with her sister, and Severus and James had spent the rest of their time together holding her as she cried.

However, Lily was a Gryffindor through and through, and an initial setback wasn't enough to deter her from her chosen path. Come noon, Lily had wiped her eyes, declared that she was going to meditate a half-hour every day, and then, smiling, changed the subject to the Astronomy club's plans to build a telescope.

As he walked, Severus tried to think of a way to make things easier for Lily, but so far he'd had no ideas. It seemed that Lily would simply have to practice focusing her mind the hard way.

Severus's reverie was interrupted when someone took him by the hand and yanked him into a large broom closet, slamming the door behind him. Severus spun around, but though the closet was well lit, he could not see the culprit anywhere.

Severus spun back and tried the door, and found that it was locked.

"_Shhhh- _ don't rattle the door," James's voice whispered. "Someone will hear."

"J- James?" Severus said, spinning back to the empty closet. "What in the world-"

The air in front of Severus shimmered, and then James stood in front of him, where no James had stood before.

"I have an invisibility cloak," James said.

"Where did you get…"

"Another family secret."

James broke out into a wide grin, and Severus noticed that he had two dimples by the corner of his mouth. Severus reached out to brush them with his fingertips, and then he pulled James closer, kissing him deeply as he ran his fingers through that messy tangle of hair.

"You infuriating," Severus gulped as he came up for air, "incorrigible…"

"You forgot sexy," James said.

Severus pressed another kiss against James's lips, and then pulled away. "This is reckless. We'll get caught."

"We'll be fine. I locked the door, and no one was around when I got here- I checked. When you leave, I'll put on my cloak, wait five minutes, and go."

Severus nodded, and then kissed James again.

"God- I hate to say this," James groaned, "but I didn't bring you here just to make out."

"My apologies," Severus said, pulling away.

"No- don't do that," James pulled Severus back into his embrace. "We can talk just as easily like this."

Severus chuckled, leaning his head against James's chest. "So- talk."

"I was just thinking; when Avery's plan fails, he's not going to give up. He's going to try again, and he's going to pressure you into helping him again."

"Yes- you're probably right," Severus said.

"I have a plan- one that will provide you with a very good excuse not to come after me any more."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Loss and Gain

The next memories Severus encountered were vague- shrouded by a veil of fear. He remembered a dark tunnel, a plan gone wrong, a monster, and – swift and majestic, like a guardian spirit- a magnificent stag that came to his rescue at the very last moment.

The rumors of what had occurred spread out of control- a part of the plan that had worked a little too well. A week later, he was in the kitchens with James and Sirius, faced with a far more terrifying creature- an angry Lily Evans.

"Let me get this straight," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "At what point did you decide it was a good idea to put your friends in danger, risk your own lives, and try to deceive Albus _bloody _Dumbledore?"

Sirius, unphased, crossed his arms nonchalantly. "At the point my brother tried to plant a bloody bomb on me."

"Listen Lily- we couldn't start this rumor on our own, with nothing to back it up," James said. "But if Dumbledore called all of us into his office, gave us punishments, and refused to say why, then we could start any rumor we wanted, and people would believe it."

Lily turned away from Sirius and James, and focused on Severus. "I'd have thought that you were more sensible than this, even if those two aren't."

"I wasn't supposed to go as far as I did," Severus said quietly. "Dumbledore and James were supposed to rush in and save me just as I got past the tree's entrance. Unfortunately, Dumbledore was late, and Lupin somehow broke through the shrieking shack door. If it hadn't been for James-"

"If James hadn't rushed ahead of Dumbledore, then Lupin would have bitten Snape- at the very least," Sirius finished.

"Dumbledore didn't quite believe me," James sighed. "He didn't think Sirius was capable of pulling a prank that would endanger someone's life."

Sirius shrugged. "I'll be capable of much more than that, when I get the chance to fight _real_ death eaters. This will teach Dumbledore not to underestimate me."

Lily sighed and continued. "I take it that Lupin didn't get the chance to agree to this little plan?"

"He never would have agreed," James said. "Besides- we need to keep our secret as contained as possible. We never thought that Lupin would break out of the shack. I just wanted Dumbledore to see me pulling Severus out of the tunnel. Sev was never actually supposed to encounter a werewolf."

"You put Lupin in danger, too. You know what they do to werewolves who bite people," Lily said, her green eyes flashing.

"I know," James said quietly. He sat down and rubbed his neck. "I've learned my lesson. I promise I will never try to use my friends like that again."

"Think of it this way, Lils," Sirius said. "Now the rumors we started are actually true- Snape _does_ owe James a life debt. There are ways to check this magically, so if the Dark Lord starts to get suspicious…"

"You know," Lily said slowly, as though speaking to children, "wizards often look down on muggle technology. They assume since they have magic, there is nothing that muggle technology can offer them. But I think there is one piece of technology wizards could definitely benefit from- a little something called a _cost-benefit analysis."_

"Lily…" James started, but he was silenced by the evil eye.

"So first, let's look at the costs," Lily continued. "You got Sirius in real trouble; he could have been arrested for luring a student into a werewolf's den, never mind suspended. You lost some of Dumbledore's trust- which we desperately need, right now. You lost some of my trust by trying to keep this a secret from me. You risked Lupin and Sev's _lives._ You put Sev under the power of a magically binding debt."

"I thought we agreed that the life debt was a good thing," Sirius said.

"In the eyes of the death eaters, the life debt will make Sev a liability," Lily said. "He'll have to try extra hard to impress the death eaters, if he really wants to become a spy. This means he might actually have to hurt someone, now. This fact alone might undo the small amount of good that the life debt has done in providing an excuse for Sev to stop fighting with James."

"I've been coming up with ways to impress the death eaters while minimizing the damage I might do," Severus said. "I developed a spell, _sectumsempra_, that acts as a magical sword, slicing through the flesh of your enemies."

"So much for minimizing damage," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"Think about it," Severus continued. "A spell that causes severe pain and blood loss is a gift the death eaters will find irresistible. But every time they cast that spell, it means they are _not_ casting _avada kedavra._"

"Sev has also created a countercurse to heal the wounds created by _sectumsemptra_," James said. "I can cast it, and I can teach others to cast it. How's that for a cost-benefit analysis?"

"I've also created a modified stunning hex that releases a lot of fake blood," Sev said. "I can cast it wordlessly on the battlefield, making it look like I've cast _sectumsempra."_

_ "_Ok- that's actually brilliant," Lily conceded.

"I can dedicate my time to finding ways to undermine the Dark Lord because thanks to the life-debt, I have an excuse to stop helping Avery with his little revenge plans."

"That is the one benefit," Lily said, "but is the benefit really that great? We do have other ways to give you more time. Plus, Avery will still go after James on his own, and now you won't be able to warn him about it."

"Which will divert suspicion away from me," Severus said. "Avery and Black won't be able to do much damage on their own. They were depending on me to give them curses and potions powerful enough to hurt Sirius and James."

"I'm still not convinced you did the right thing." Lily narrowed her eyes. "I think that's the reason you hid the plan from me. You anticipated all of my objections ahead of time- is that right?"

"Yes, and we did it anyway. We were really that stupid and impulsive," James said sheepishly. "What we didn't anticipate was how bloody _talented_ you would be at legilimency. It's really rare for someone to successfully learn legilimency before mastering occlumency, but… wow. You busted through my barrier like it was a soap bubble."

"You were all called into Dumbledore's office, Gryffindor mysteriously lost 500 points, Sirius was given detention and suspended from lessons for two months and no one knew why, weird rumors started going around about the life-debt, and you refused to tell me anything," Lily said. "I had plenty of incentive to break those barriers."

"Lily," Severus said gently. "You promised that you would trust me."

"Even if I trust you- can't you see that it drives me crazy when you are in danger?" She said, her voice rising.

Severus knelt down, taking her tiny, slender hands in his own. "Lily, you have to get used to this," he whispered. "I'm going to do a lot more dangerous things as a spy in the Dark Lord's ranks. I will do my best to share everything with you, but there may be times when I cannot."

Lily's hands tightened, betraying a sinewy strength Severus hadn't detected before. "This time, though, you didn't tell me because you were afraid of what I would say. Trust has to work two ways, if it's going to work at all."

James knelt beside Severus, at Lily's feet. "I'm sorry, Lily. I'm the one who said we shouldn't bother you with this. I should have trusted you, too."

Lily's expression softened, and Sirius cleared his throat.

"Well, I guess you will be wanting your privacy, so I'll just-"

"Hold on," Lily said with a voice like steel. "If James trusts you with all of this, then you must know occlumency, too."

"Well, no. But I'm willing to learn. If I feed Dumbledore information instead of James or Lily, then Snape will be less likely to be outed as the spy. In fact, if we play our cards right, maybe I can frame my brother, instead." Sirius barked a harsh laugh.

"Then have a seat," Lily said. "We're just about to continue our lesson."

"Eh- no offence, but I'm not wild about the prospect of having you or Snape read my mind."

"That's fine- you can just practice with me," James said with a grin. "It will be fun. Think of all the blackmail material you might find."

Sirius laughed, and then sat in an empty kitchen chair, pouring himself a cup of tea. "Fair enough. I'm ready when you are."

#

The fall passed away in a blur of schoolwork, forbidden knowledge, quidditch matches, dangerous plots, and stolen kisses. The rusty leaves faded to brown, and then frosted white as Christmas approached.

On Christmas Eve, Severus crossed the church parking lot, his boots skidding slightly on the icy pavement. The stars above were shrouded by thick, heavy clouds that hung so low they were barely distinguishable from the vapor that emanated from Severus's breath. The church doors had already been closed, but he could hear the muffled voices of the choir hovering outside in the night air.

Severus had just left Malfoy Manor. For the uninitiated, the party had ended early- in plenty of time for Severus to make the midnight service at the Laurel Parish church.

Severus reached out to touch the church door, then hesitated. For a moment, he feared that he would desecrate this holy place by his merest touch- as though the dark aura that had surrounded Voldemort had seeped into his very being.

He took a deep breath. "You are being ridiculous," he told himself.

The Dark Lord, at first, had been underwhelming in his presence. He was a handsome man, with the telltale pallor and shadow-rimmed eyes that suggested repeated exposure to dark rituals. The man had seemed genuinely eager to meet the rag-tag group of Slytherin students assembled in Malfoy's elegant hall. He had shaken Severus's hand, had listened earnestly as Severus told him of his abuse at the hands of the muggles, and had sympathized with the contempt Severus felt toward a ministry that would not even allow him the means to defend himself against said muggles. As Severus spoke, the Dark Lord had oozed his way into Severus's mind, like oil under a door, and Severus had been obliged to block off everything pure in his mind and direct where the oil spread.

But considering the tone of the conversation, Severus's task was easy. He could easily picture his father's brutality, his mother's suppressed magic, the pathetic gangs that roamed the streets of his muggle town. Everything he said and thought, now, was true.

"The ministry has forced us to surrender everything to those barbarians," the Dark Lord had said, swirling his glass of claret wine. "We've given up the power to defend ourselves and our world. We stand aside while muggles build cities and freeways over the sacred groves and ley lines of our ancestors. Their machines spew filth into the air, clouding our sight. We were granted enough power to rule this world, and yet we crawl in the sewers, like rats."

He glanced up from his wine and into Severus's eyes. "And we neglect the best and brightest among our youth. You, Severus, are one of the top students in your year, yet your professors don't recognize your talent at all."

"No- they don't," Severus said bitterly.

"Yes, his O.W.L.s are quite exemplary. When I was still in school, Severus had a reputation as a talented spellcrafter as well as a competent fighter," Malfoy said, pouring himself another glass. "It is a shame that he owes a life debt to a Gryffindor."

The Dark Lord smiled, then. He receded from Severus's mind, leaving a dark presence behind like a layer of scum. Severus had to exude all of his control to keep from shuddering.

"If you mean James Potter," The Dark Lord said, locking his eyes on Malfoy's "I, too, have heard the rumors. But, though the lad hails from a family of blood-traitors, he is still a pureblood, and too young to really be fixed in his loyalties. Perhaps we will be able to recruit Potter, as well."

For a moment, with Voldemort's dark ooze still lingering in his mind, Severus almost wished it were all true. James could join Voldemort, help Severus protect Lily, and together they could reclaim glory for themselves and for the wizarding race.

"Oh yes, Avery, I understand," Voldemort said, turning to speak with another hopeful. "By what right should a girl of no wizard family claim the approbation of your Professors, when you come from an old and established line?"

_By the right granted by talent and hard work,_ Severus thought automatically.

With that thought, it felt as though a spell were broken. Severus remembered why he would never truly belong to Voldemort.

Now, in the blistering cold by the church door, Severus reached out to grasp the handle again. His too-short sleeve rode up as he did so, revealing pale, unmarked skin.

Severus was not yet tainted. Not really.

He pulled the church door open and went inside, where Lily stood in line with the other girls, holding two golden bells. He stood in the back of the church and watched her play the old, familiar tune, and somehow, it washed away all the remaining scum from his mind, filling it with a pure, holy light.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Cauldrons and Cakes

Severus watched carefully as silver vapors spiraled from the bubbling surface of the lavender fluid, watching as they drifted into the cool air of the dungeons. He counted three stirs, and then poured in a careful measure of glittering carapace.

Four, three, two, one… and the potion shifted from lavender to deep grey as he stirred.

In the cool dungeons, among the gentle lull of bubbling cauldrons, Severus found it easy to clear his mind, even though Lily was mere feet away from him. He didn't have to look at her to know she was near- didn't have to hear her speak to know how much she meant to him. The secret the carried in their hearts was enough.

"Oh- very good Miss Evans," Professor Slughorn was presently gushing. "A dash of valerian oil- an inspired touch!"

"I added a backward stir to increase potency- the valerian was just added to balance that out," Lily said, smiling a little through her blush.

Severus held his expression steady, though he wished to smile, too. Lily was always shy when accepting compliments, but this one was well-deserved, he knew. Professor Slughorn had always been a favorite professor of Lily's, since he encouraged her zeal for experimentation.

"Well done- ten points to Gryffindor!" he said. Then he turned to Severus, twisting a ring on his finger.

"And, er, yes your potion is quite adequate too, Mr. Snape. Ten points to Slytherin," Slughorn said, his face going even redder than Lily's. He rushed back to his desk without another word.

"Professor," Regulus Black spoke without raising his hand. "I'm glad to get an early start on blood replinisher, but wasn't today's class supposed to cover the _draught of living death?"_

Professor Slughorn's face went ashen, but he laughed with seeming joviality. "Oh ho, my boy! You always were a stickler for following the curriculum, weren't you? But no- I thought I would skip ahead today, so that you can be familiar with the principles of, erm, vapor pattern recognition, when you..."

Slughorn didn't finish his sentence, and Regulus turned to Severus with a significant grin.

It would have been a brilliant plan, Severus thought, if Slughorn were not so transparent. The Slytherin professor had been growing ever more nervous since he'd received Lily's warning at the Slug Club Christmas party. Severus could guess that he planned to leave Hogwarts as soon as the term was over, and he was apparently planning to fake his own death before disappearing. Unfortunately, his attempt to draw attention away from the necessary potion, by skipping the lesson, had brought more attention to it, instead.

Severus, however, had not made the same error. Perhaps, if things got too serious, the potion could be just what he needed to seek his freedom from the Dark Lord.

"I would like everyone to bottle and label their potions," Professor Slughorn continued. "The best of them can go to Madam Pomfrey, and she will no doubt wish me to convey her thanks to you. Class dismissed."

Lily swept past Severus on her way from the classroom, and as she did so, he felt the locket against his chest grow warm.

"Come with me," Regulus muttered as he passed Severus. "Toilet."

This did not bode well.

With a sinking feeling, Severus grabbed his satchel and followed Regulus into the nearest bathroom, where he ducked into the stall furthest from the door.

"Where are you going?" Regulus hissed as he went.

"Toilet," Severus said, shutting the door firmly behind him. "Go ahead and talk when the coast is clear."

Severus could near Regulus mumble _muffliato_ under his breath.

"I don't think Slughorn will be a problem much longer," Regulus said. "But still- we need to figure out who tipped him off."

"Bellatrix has been mouthing off about Slughorn to everyone," Severus said. He checked the cracks in the stall door before he opened his locket. "I assume anyone could have told him."

"She's only told students in Slytherin. We need to shake down all of the neutrals- it must have been one of them," Regulus said.

"Which one of them would be foolish enough to talk?" Severus asked, unfolding the paper.

"I have my suspicions- Greengrass, Montag, and Elliot are at the top of my list," Regulus said. "See if you can shake down Montag; I have a feeling I will do better with the ladies."

_Midnight in the kitchens- James, _the note read. Severus lifted his wand, and then thought better of it. It would seem strange to Regulus, indeed, if he saw any flames or smoke rising from the toilet stall.

Instead, Severus flushed the note, and then emerged to wash his hands.

"Yes yes- you're very handsome," Severus said, scowling. "Very well. I will question Mr. Montag."

"Good man," Regulus said with the air of praising a worthy servant. He ran his hands through his short dark hair, and then straightened his robes.

"Meet me in the library when you are done. Good day."

#

Severus stumbled through the kitchen portrait at midnight, exhausted and demoralized from the unpleasant task he had just been performing.

Severus, knowing that Montag was innocent, had expected he would only need to make a few vague threats to the boy and then tell Black that Montag wouldn't give them any more problems. Severus had not anticipated Montag would react so badly to, "you'd better mind your business, if you know what is good for you."

Montag had come completely undone, weeping openly until snot ran down his face, and had openly confessed to "whatever it is you think I've done." Montag had then followed Severus all the way to the library, where he'd also confessed to Regulus Black.

"We'll go easy on you this time, Montag," Regulus had said coolly, ignoring the fact that Montag was obviously and pathetically innocent. "You owe us a favor, though. When the time comes, you _will_ pay what you owe."

Montag, sniffing, had agreed.

"So now, the dark lord has another potential recruit, just because I have a scary face," Severus thought to himself as he entered the room.

Then he paused. A familiar scent hit him- the scent of oven-baked grease.

A shower of brightly colored, torn-up bits of paper rained down over Severus's head, and a chorus of voices squeaked, "happy bloated birthday, Mr. Snape!"

"That's _belated!"_James shouted over the house elves. "Oh well- surprise!"

Severus stumbled into the room, dazed, as he took everything in. The kitchen walls were strung with crepe paper streamers, multicolored, glowing balloons decorated the backs of the kitchen chairs where they normally sat, and on the table was a cardboard box that read _Pizzaland, _three bottles of coke, and, in the center, a pink and white cake that read, "Sev and Lily, 17."

"Well, it's a big deal, isn't it?" James said, as though in response to Severus's bewildered expression. "I thought it would be fun to celebrate your birthdays together, because they are so close. You didn't think I'd let you reach your 17th without a party, did you?"

"I thought that night in the abandoned cloakroom was the party," Severus said with a smirk.

"Nah- we don't need a special occasion to do _that_," James said with a saucy grin. Then the portrait door swung open again, and this time, Lily was greeted by a chorus of elf cheers and a shower of confetti.

"Oh! How wonderful!" Lily said, clapping her hands. "Cokes and Pizza! James, where did you get it?"

"It was easy," James said. "There's a muggle village just a short broom-ride away from Hogsmeade. I was able to smuggle the stuff from there."

"But we haven't had a Hogsmeade weekend since Christmas," Lily said. "How did you get there to begin with?"

"Trick of the trade," James said with a wink. "Now, sit- eat!"

The three sat and laughed together as they ate, and Severus forgot his troubles. The kitchens, as they often did, seemed like another world; it was the one room of the castle he was free to be himself with those he loved. He and Lily blew out the candles together, and the conversation turned as light and frivolous as the cake they ate.

"Hobbit farms don't supply food to wizards," James said, laughing. "Where did you get such an idea, Lily?"

"I was mostly joking," Lily explained, scraping the icing off of her cake, "but I still don't understand where your food comes from. I asked around, and I learned that wizards don't buy food from muggle suppliers or supermarkets, wizards rarely run farms themselves, and you can't create food with magic. I've never seen a greengrocer, dry market, or butcher in Diagon Alley or in Hogsmeade, either."

James tapped his cheek with his finger. "At home, the elves run a kitchen garden, but it's small, so it's probably just supplementary. They have weekly deliveries, but I don't know where from. Maybe other elves farm it."

"They are house elves- bound to the home," Lily said. "Besides, not every wizard family has elves; where do they get food?"

"Hmmmm- I don't know. I'll have to ask Peter or Remus," James said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Really Potter," Severus said with a snort.

James turned to Severus, his eyes wide. "I'm Potter, again?"

"You are Potter because you are completely out of touch," Severus said. "You'll be James again as soon as you say something sensible."

"Pardon me, Sir, but that may be taking quite a while," a squeaky voice interrupted.

Severus blinked, and turned to see a smaller-than-average elf with bright pink cheeks and strangely rounded ears. The elf bowed low to Lily, and then spoke.

"I am not wanting to interrupt, but I could not help but overhear, and I am happy to answer the young lady's questions," she said. "As a matter of fact, we do get our food from Hobbitses."

"Hobbits are real?" Lily said, blinking.

"Oh yes, miss. Hobbits much prefer that the big people leave them alone, but they are more than happy to take gold in exchange for the carrots, apples, onions, and po-tay-toes that they grow on their hillsides. Some have herds of sheep, pigs, and chickens, as well. Hobbits are most excellent farmers, and they also make artisan goods like parchment soap, and quills. They have markets just outside of their villages that wizards can visit, or they will deliver food directly to elves. They like elves, because elves are not having many adventures."

"Fascinating," Lily said. "Thank you, er-"

"Pinky, at your service," the elf said. Then she curtsied and rushed off to help the other elves once more.

"The next time I get a chance to talk to Dumbledore," Lily said slowly, "I will have quite a few questions regarding the contents of a certain book I once thought was written by a _muggle."_

"I may have to borrow that book," James said with a bemused grin. "Now, I think it's time for presents."

"Oh James-" Lily protested. "This was quite enough. You didn't have to get us anything else."

"Don't worry- I didn't go out and buy you expensive jewelry, or anything like that," James said, holding up his hands. "I just figured something out, and I'd like to share it with you."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "What's that?"

James smirked. "Look into my eyes, and find out."

#

The elves cleared away the dishes and the empty pizza box, and Lily leaned forward on her elbows, gazing into James's eyes.

James leaned forward to touch Lily's hand, and he seemed to be concentrating as hard as Lily was, though he had said he would not try to block her legilimency.

Lily's usually vibrant eyes went eerily blank, and she leaned forward, as though mesmerized by what she saw. Then she gasped, her eyes cleared, and she leaned back, looking at James as though seeing him with new eyes.

"I had no idea such things were possible," she whispered.

"They are," James simply said.

"Then why- why don't all wizards have one?"

"My family is working on that," James said, a sad note to his voice.

"Is it-" Severus ventured, and then stopped.

Lily stood. "Sit where I was, Sev. You need to see this."

Severus looked at James. "Are you sure?"

James nodded earnestly. "I might have shown you earlier, but I was waiting for Lily to be ready. Sit- you need to see this."

Severus sat and leaned forward, looking into James's eyes.

There were no barriers to overcome- no walls built by occlumency. James seemed to draw Severus through his eyes as though enveloping him in a warm embrace. When Severus was through, he saw a scene as clear as crystal.

A small boy with messy hair and glasses sat in a handsome study, seated in an ornate chair and leaning on a desk. A handsome young man who stood nearby gazed at the boy, his eyes twinkling as though in mischief.

The boy was staring at an unassuming rock that lay on the desk. After a time, the boy sighed, as though in disappointment, and looked up at the man.

"You were teasing me- this thing isn't magic," the boy said at last.

"I assure you, it is," the man said patiently. He sat down and leaned his own head in his hands, mirroring the boy. "This stone is part of your heritage- the heritage passed down from Peverell to Peverell."

"But our name isn't Peverell- it's Potter," the boy protested.

The man shrugged. "Jason Peverell only had a daughter, so the name was lost. The family quest, however, lives on through _Lilian's _offspring."

"You mean- Grandma Lilian?" the boy said.

"That's right, James. You always asked why your Grandma Lilian looks different around family than she does around friends. She has her own stone, and she must use polyjuice to hide her pretty face when she's around anyone but family."

"Why must she hide?"

The man sighed heavily, then, seeming to heave the weight of the world on his shoulders as he did so. "Because the goblins, the ministry, and many powerful wizards do not like such things. We must keep the stones, the hallows, and the family geas a secret."

"The hallows… you mean like my cloak?"

The man nodded. "Yes, James- your cloak is one of the three hallows that your ancestors made when they swore to defeat death. They were not able to defeat death with these objects alone, however. Jason Peverell made strides in fulfilling the family quest when he was able to steal the formula for the philosophers stone, and he has passed the formula along to his offspring, so that when they are grown and married, they will be able to make their own."

"But- not everyone is able to make one, right?"

"Right. The stone is not perfect. It has the power to keep you young forever, and if you are struck down by violence, it can be used to bring you back. Unfortunately, however, if you are brought back the stone is destroyed, and you must make another one. In order to make one, you must have a soulmate."

"What if I don't have a soulmate?" James asked, frowning.

The man laughed. "A looker like you? I'm sure you'll have several soulmates. Now listen- this is very important. If anything happens to me, or to Mummy, come to this office and open the safe there- you remember how to do it?"

James nodded. "Yes sir."

"Good. You must open the safe and you must cut yourself, so that your blood will fall on the stone. Only the blood of my blood will be able to bring us back- do you understand?"

James nodded. "I understand, but I don't want to think about it- about anything happening to you and Mum, I mean."

"I understand, but it's better to be prepared. Don't worry, James. As long as you do as I say, Mum and I will be fine."

"But- then your stone will be destroyed, and you will get old." James said.

"That's alright- we can make another one. It will take time, though, so we must be very careful in the meantime."

The man took the stone, then, and put it inside of a small, velvet pouch. "You must be very careful at Hogwarts, as well, because you don't have your philosopher's stone, yet. Remember, I gave you the cloak so that you will be safe, not so you can find new ways to get into trouble."

"I'll be careful," the boy said, though he avoided his father's eyes as he said so.

"James," the man said sternly. "I mean it. Be careful."

The boy jumped up, then. "Hey, I think I hear mum calling. Gotta go!"

Severus saw the man lean his hand against his palm, as though in exasperation, before the scene faded, and vanished.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Here and Gone

Severus pulled away, and he found himself sitting at the kitchen table once more. He searched James's face for any sign of mischief- any glint of humor that would indicate James had concocted a false memory as a prank.

James looked steadily back at Severus, his expression perfectly earnest.

"You… it…" Severus ventured, and then found he could not formulate any one of the million questions that were swirling, half-formed, in his mind.

"I couldn't tell you directly, and my mind hid it from you as long as you hadn't mastered occlumency- almost on its own. I know, because I tried to show it to Lily the first time she read my mind. Recently, I figured out that, to bring it to the front of my mind, I had to focus on how _certain_ I am that you are my soulmates, and how certain I was that you could keep the secret. Now that Lily's got the hang of occlumency, and since I am sure…"

James trailed off, looking at Severus over the rims of his glasses almost sheepishly.

Severus cleared his throat, his mouth suddenly dry. "We shouldn't discuss this out loud, should we?"

James shook his head, and then shot a significant look at the house elves.

Lily, who'd been standing anxiously behind Severus, sat down beside him. "So you will… make one, too?"

James nodded. "With your help."

"So we-"

"All three of us, yes. I need both of you."

"You would- you would offer us…" Severus whispered.

"Without a second thought," James said.

#

Severus pulled away from the stream of memories, trying to look ahead- trying to see what had happened next. The stream of memories continued to flow steadily, however, and Severus found himself thrust into another memory- one he'd never lost.

It was the end of the year. Exams were over, and Severus had taken the bus back to Cokesworth. The intrigues he'd encountered as a budding spy had made him more cautious than he had been at the beginning of the year; he did not sit with Lily on the bus, nor did he walk her to her parent's house. Instead, he walked to spinner's end alone, wondering how he could arrange to see Lily without being seen.

When Severus reached the house, there was a strange, disquieting stillness in the air. When he opened the door, there was no angry grunt or drone of the TV to greet him. This in itself wasn't strange- when his father was out, his mother usually did not keep the TV on. However, when Severus called,"Mother," he received no reply, and this was strange because she rarely went out herself.

"Mother!" he called again. He dropped his trunk's handle and dashed through the entryway and up the stairs. As he went, he noticed that the house was oddly clean- cleaner than his mother ever kept the place- though nothing seemed to be missing. He called and called, and still received no reply. His parents' bedroom was empty, as was his bedroom and the bathroom. He dashed back downstairs and checked the kitchen, which was also empty. The sitting room, however, was not.

"Lucius Malfoy," Severus said breathlessly.

Lucius was, indeed, in Severus's sitting room, his elegant figure thoroughly out of place on the threadbare settee. He stood as Severus entered, offering his hand.

"So good to see you, Mr. Snape," Malfoy said, grinning. "The Dark Lord was most pleased with the spell you presented him with. He said that you show great promise. To return the favor, and as a belated 17th birthday gift, the Dark Lord has given you… this."

Malfoy gestured at the room around him. "It isn't much, I grant you, but property is property."

"You mean the house? But it belongs to my father," Severus sputtered.

"It did, but now it belongs to his only heir. I trust you will make much better use of the house than he did."

"My-" Severus's vision clouded for a moment, and he had to sit. "My father has been murdered?"

"Muggles do not live very long," Malfoy said smoothly. "Even for a muggle, the man was not in the best physical condition, and with his tendency to overindulge in fatty foods and alcohol, no one was surprised when he collapsed on the factory floor."

"I see," Severus said slowly.

"You mother was a trickier matter," Malfoy continued, pacing through the room. "You will do much more with the remnants of the Prince estate than she ever would, but we didn't think you would appreciate it if she came to harm. She is still a pure-blooded witch, after all. She has been obliviated, and she is now living a comfortable life somewhere else as someone else. I did a little digging, and I discovered that though your mother was disinherited, her offspring are still entitled to the Prince estate. I'm sorry to say that there isn't much left but-" Malfoy shrugged. "A letter from Gringotts should be along in a few days to explain the rest."

"And now," Malfoy said, spinning back to face Severus, "you should change out of those… muggle things. The Dark Lord is waiting for you to show your thanks in person."

A quiet instinct told Severus to not appear too controlled- to show some amount of vulnerability. "You mean it- my mother is really safe?"

"I do. Tonight, I can give you proof."

Severus bowed his head. "Then thank you- for your part in this, I mean. You can't know how much this means to me; I have been granted my liberty."

Malfoy smiled brilliantly, though the smile did not quite reach his pale eyes. "Save your thanks for the Dark Lord- he is truly responsible for your liberation. He will liberate all of wizardkind."

Severus bowed again, and then he turned and mounted the stairs, summoning his trunk behind him. When he was safely locked inside of the bathroom, he cast several security spells, and then wrote a hurried note.

_It's happening tonight. Please wait for me at the cottage._

Then he closed the note into his locket, and whispered James's name. He wrote a similar note for Lily, and then took the necklace off and placed it inside his carefully warded trunk.

#

The memories were flowing more quickly once again, past the Dark Lord's initiation- which was burned into Severus's memories- and to the aftermath, which he had forgotten.

Severus had stumbled through the front door at Spinner's end, and had cast a few security charms with shaking hands. Then he took five long, deep breaths to steady himself, and spun in place, apparating.

He found himself in a muggy greenhouse that smelled strongly of herbs and earth. A sharp pain pierced his right hand, and he looked down in horror to see that he had not splinched himself, but had _spliced_ himself with a rhododendron, the leaves of which now pierced all the way through his hand.

_Note to self- demand that Potter set up an apparition point anywhere but the greenhouse._

Clutching his hand, Severus stumbled through the lawn to the back door, where he rang the bell before a miasma swam before his eyes, and he fell.

When the miasma cleared, he found himself laying on a chaise lounge in an elegant sitting room. James leaned over him, his expression intense with concentration as he ran his wand over Severus's prone body.

"I've removed the leaves from his hand," James said softly, speaking to some unseen person. "There is extensive nerve damage. He will need something very strong."

"The draught of peace," Lily's voice echoed as though from another room. In a few moments, she entered Severus's field of vision.

She knelt down next to James and opened a vial. "Hey, Sev. You think you can sit up a little? I don't want you to choke on this. "

Severus struggled to sit up, still shaking, and Lily piled cushions behind him. Then she held the vial to his lips and tipped the contents gently into his mouth.

The potion took effect immediately, and Severus's shaking melted into a steady warmth. James ran his wand down Severus's front again, and then nodded with satisfaction when a flickering blue light appeared.

"Your nerves are repairing, but it will take time for them to fully heal." James turned back to Lily. "He'll need to take another dose of the potion every five hours. Is there enough?"

"I made enough to last for one week, at that rate," Lily said. She slumped next to the chaise and took Severus's hand. "From your condition- can I infer that the Dark Lord discovered our plan?"

Severus laughed shakily. "Oh no- this is how he treats all of his followers."

James's expression grew hard. "You can't be serious."

"I am." Severus pulled up his sleeve, revealing the dark mark- fresh and angry against his pale skin.

James's eyes went wide, and Lily sucked in a sharp breath.

"The Dark Lord subjected each of us to legilimency, but all of my damning memories were safe. I've learned to compartmentalize quite well, you see. Afterward, we had to 'run the gauntlet' to test our loyalty and devotion, to each other and to the Dark Lord."

"The gauntlet?" Lily asked quietly.

"All of the initiated followers, one after another, subjected us to the _cruciatus _curse," Severus said. "We were allowed to scream, and cry, but we could not ask for it to stop. I shudder to think what would have happened if any of us _had_ asked for it to stop."

"That explains the nerve damage," James said.

"Severus- I had no idea. I knew that it would be dangerous if he found out," Lily said, "but if I'd known he was this mad…"

"This is the sort of thing most criminal groups engage in," Severus said. "Price's gang back home challenges their new recruits, as well. They are beaten by all the members of the gang, and they are forced to drink until they are sick."

"Sadists, the lot of them," Lily said with a shiver, still clutching Severus's hand. "We will fight, Sev. I promise, we will do everything we can to help you fight him."

"You must stay here until you are well," James said gently. "I'll have Blinky prepare a room for you."

"Should I make some excuse to your parents?" Lily asked.

"They- they're gone," Severus said, swallowing a sudden hoarseness.

"Gone?" James whispered.

"My dad is gone for good, and Mother- I don't know where…"

Severus's voice broke, and all of the feelings he'd been keeping deep inside came rushing out. For the first time in many years, Severus wept.

Lily and James held Severus until the weeping had subsided, and he slipped into unconsciousness once more.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The Ways of Darkness and Light

Severus gazed through his younger self's eyes, which stared into a mirror, searching for any sign of corruption he might have taken on since he'd acquired the dark mark.

He was still staying at Potter Cottage, recovering from his initiation into the Death Eaters. Lily had examined the dark mark, and though she was able to discern the major charm that governed it, it was woven with deeper magic at its core, which she could not decipher. Severus had the uneasy feeling that he'd lost something when he'd been branded- that he'd been corrupted, somehow.

Physically, he looked the same as ever. He still bore the same hooked nose, sallow complexion, and heavy brow that pulled his eyes into a perpetual glare. If evil comes to tempt under the guise of beauty, Severus thought, then he must be angelically good.

As for the usual signs of exposure to a dark ritual- shadowed eyes, gaunt cheeks, pale skin- Severus found it impossible to discern those from the effects of normal fatigue. He supposed he would simply have to ask Lily and James to watch him carefully for any sign of corruption, though he wondered if they would be able to do what they _must_ if he proved to be a danger to them, now.

"Narcissistic, much?" drawled a voice from the doorway, breaking through his reverie.

"Perfect- just the man I need," Severus said briskly, turning to face Sirius. "I need your help."

"My help?" Sirius blinked, as though taken aback. "Why not ask Lily or James?"

"Because the task requires an enemy."

Sirius smiled, baring his teeth in a menacing way. "Then I'm your man."

Severus approached Sirius slowly and then, when the two were face to face, he pulled up the sleeve of his robe, revealing the dark mark.

Sirius continued to lean against the doorway, regarding the mark coolly. "Yes, well done. Quite impressive," he said.

"You aren't afraid of it?" Severus growled.

"Not in the least."

"Well- I am. This thing has been burned into my very flesh, and aside from calling me to the Dark Lord's side, I have no idea what it does. That's why I need you to watch me."

Sirius said nothing, his face a neutral mask.

"If my appearance or behavior changes, if I do anything suspect, or if it seems like I will turn against any of you, I need you to do whatever it takes to neutralize me- up to and including the killing curse. Can you do that?"

"Sure. Now ask me to do something I wasn't planning to do, anyway," Sirius said.

Severus smirked, lowering his sleeve. "That's all. Thank you."

Sirius stood straighter. His neutral mask cracked just enough to allow a light of concern to shine through his eyes. "Then do one thing for me in return. Reggie- was he at the initiation, last night?"

"No," Severus said quietly. "They don't take anyone under the age of 17."

Sirius nodded. "Will you tell me when he does join?"

"I will try. Many of the members wear masks, even when it's just us, but if I recognize him, I will tell you."

"Thanks." Sirius moved aside to let Severus pass just as the explosion happened.

"**No! There has to be another way!"**

"Ah- it seems that James has decided to tell Lily our little plan," Sirius observed.

Severus rushed down the stairs and saw that, indeed, James was standing in front of Lily, who wore a look of panic.

Severus, recognizing the look, approached Lily slowly, and then took her hand in his.

"Look at me, Lily. Take deep breaths. It's okay."

"Tell him he can't- there has to be another way," Lily gasped.

"There's time- nothing has to be decided now," Severus said smoothly. "Let's sit down and talk this over."

"But Sev-" Lily said between short, sharp breaths. "James just told me that Moody is involved, now. If we give them names, then there will be investigations, trials, and then… then people will be sent to _that_ place."

"Lily, please breathe."

"And he said that you were going to include _your_ name with the rest. What if you are arrested? What if you get thrown in Az- Az…"

Lily began to hyperventilate, and Severus, ignoring the questioning look he got from James, put his arm around Lily's shoulder, steering her toward the couch.

"Lily- just sit and breathe. Wait one moment."

Severus closed his eyes, and he summoned a memory to his mind. Usually, to cast this spell, he thought of the day Lily swore to be his friend forever, but now he found a different memory came to mind.

_"Wait- Lily, are you saying… you choose both of us?" Severus said. _

_ "Yes, if the two of you feel the same way," Lily whispered._

_ "I do," James said. "I care for both of you. I want to be with both of you."_

_ Then James and Lily both turned to Severus, the same, shy smile on both of their faces._

"Expecto Patronum!"

A silver light burst forth from the tip of Severus's wand. The light shimmered, and then coalesced into a brilliant doe.

The doe gamboled around the perimeter of the room, as though overcome with immense joy at its birth. Then it stopped, dipped its head, and approached Lily, treading on gentle hooves until it was close enough to rest its incorporeal head on her lap.

Lily's breath grew still and calm once more, and her eyes shone as she watched the gentle doe.

"Oh- Sev. It's beautiful," she whispered. "Thank you."

The doe dipped its head once more, as though bowing to Lily, and then it dissipated into the air once more.

Severus sat beside Lily. James hesitated, as though unsure, and then sat on her other side.

"Do you have any ideas Lily- any at all- that would allow us to defeat the Death Eaters without prosecution?" Severus asked. There was no challenge in his voice- the question was asked sincerely.

"No, I don't," Lily said quietly. "But- give me a week. I will think about it as thoroughly as I can."

"You have longer than a week. As I said, it will take some time before we can give Dumbledore the list of Death Eater names. A lot of the death eaters wear masks, so I have recognized only a few. Besides- Regulus Black hasn't joined the Death Eaters yet, and Dumbledore doesn't quite trust Sirius, so our misdirection won't work."

"It should be three more months," Sirius said.

"We'll focus on slowing the Death Eaters down, for now. But Lily, we can't stall forever."

"I know," she whispered.

"Lily- I hate to ask," James ventured, "but why don't you want to prosecute Death Eaters? They would hurt you and your family without a second thought."

Lily looked up, her eyes flashing. "It's because of that- that _place._"

"When I told Lily about Azkaban, and about the dementors, it frightened her." Severus said. "I think it's her greatest fear."

"It did more than frighten me. I was appalled. I couldn't believe there was still a place, in this day and age, where a legitimate government systematically tortures prisoners to death."

"If I told you the kinds of things dark wizards have done, it would curl your hair," Sirius said. "It's not less than they deserve, trust me."

Lily stood then, her eyes blazing.

"There were once muggles who thought the same way- who still _do_ think the same way. But the major governments learned hard lessons in the second world war, and so they drafted something called the Geneva Convention. There are certain lines we shouldn't cross, if we want to be better than those we call evil. No matter what they've done- no matter how much we think they deserve it, or how much we desire vengeance- we don't torture prisoners."

Sirius chuckled. "What strange notions, muggles have concocted! Why shouldn't you punish those who have done wrong?"

Lily took a deep breath, as though controlling an outburst. Then she spoke calmly. "Let me put it this way; do you think that your justice system is perfect? Surely, with all of the magical means criminals have to confuse aurors, at least one or two innocent people have been convicted."

"I guess it's possible," Sirius said.

"So- how many innocent people is it acceptable to torture, in order to get at the bad guys?"

Sirius grimaced. "I guess I see your point. But- it seems like the Aurors should just work harder to catch the real bad guys, in that case. It's no reason to just… let dark wizards roam the streets."

Lily gaped at Sirius for a moment. "You must be joking. Do you really think the only two options are torture and anarchy?"

"Wizards are harder to keep incarcerated than muggles. Without the dementors there to drain people of hope, everyone would just escape," Sirius said.

"I hardly think that's the case- you could at least _try_ something else," Lily said. "I can't condone torture, even of the worst criminals, let alone the innocent. At their core, dementors are creatures of pure suffering. You can't defeat the darkness by adding more suffering to the world."

"You really believe that?" Sirius said, a look of amazement on his face.

"I believe that so strongly, that when Sev told me about the Azkaban, I almost decided to reject my Hogwarts letter. I thought I'd stay in the muggle world, get my A levels, study engineering, and with enough hard work, get a position at NASA. I could be happy in the muggle world. Still, the call of magic was too strong for me to resist, so I came, and I vowed to make the wizarding world a better place."

"You will make it a better place," James said firmly.

Lily turned and graced James with a small smile, and then turned back to Sirius.

"You know, I think I see why the purebloods call you mad," Sirius said. "And you know what? I _respect_ that kind of chaos, even if I don't agree with it."

Lily bowed to Sirius ironically, and then sat hard on the sofa.

"So, even if we can't avoid prosecuting all of the death eaters, why must we include your name, Sev?" she asked.

"My name would be conspicuous in its absence," Severus said. "If I include Avery, Mulciber, and Rosier, and leave off Snape, he'll think that either the informant is trying to protect me, or he'll figure out right away that I'm the snitch."

"So why not let Dumbledore know that you're the snitch?"

"Yeah, that's a great idea," Severus drawled. "Hey professor, I'm a Death Eater, but I'm still on your side. I just went and became a rogue spy, without any training or official permission. By the way, I'm an occlumens, so you can't verify any of this. You totally trust me, right?"

Lily winced. "I see your point. Still, if you're on the list, he'll follow through, just like he will with the others. He might find evidence against you."

"Dumbledore's asked me to join his _club,"_ James said. "I'll keep an eye out. The second Dumbledore gets any evidence against Sev, Sev will disappear."

"You can really make that happen?"

"My family might own a certain piece of land in a certain remote area of a certain country…"

"Ok- point taken," Lily said. "I'll tell you if I have any better ideas. Will you take my ideas seriously?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Severus said.

Lily smiled and took Severus's hand.

Sirius cleared his throat, as though reminding them he was still in the room before they could kiss. "By the way, Snape, I think you're in the clear."

"How so?" Severus asked, not taking his eyes off of Lily.

"With regards to the _conversation_ we had earlier- I hadn't seen your Patronus, then. I don't actually think you could be corrupt, and cast a Patronus so bright."

Then, before Severus could reply, Sirius yawned loudly. "Well, I'm pretty well knocked-up. I'm going upstairs. You kids don't get into too much trouble."

#

Severus, James, and Lily remained in the sitting room late into the night, kissing and talking as they drifted further and further into their own little world. The lights were extinguished, and only a blazing fire lit the room with flickering orange light, which danced in Lily's auburn hair and flickered on the surface of James's glasses.

Severus was entranced by the sight.

"James- can we talk about it, now… the _thing_ you showed us," Lily asked quietly.

"Ill try." He cleared his throat. "The Peverell family quest. The philosopher's stone. Defeating death. Yep- seems like I can."

Lily sighed deeply. "I can still hardly believe it. It seems like a dream. Imagine having an eternity to explore the cosmos."

"I'm glad I have _you_ to imagine that, Lily. I would have grown bored with eternity without the cosmos to explore. I would never have thought to try, and imagine spending eternity on Earth!"

"You would have thought of it eventually," Lily said. Then she turned to Severus, and smiled even more widely. "And Severus will take us even beyond that, by exploring the deepest secrets of magic, and all her realms."

Severus blinked. "I will?"

Lily nodded. "It was the great ambition you told me, shortly after you were sorted into Slytherin. Don't you remember?"

The sad thing was that Severus _had_ forgotten his great ambition. Ironically, Slytherin and its petty politics had taken his eye off of the dream that had convinced the hat to sort him there in the first place.

"Making the stone requires alchemy," Severus said, turning the conversation to practical matters. "Your transfiguration scores are good, but will you need help with the potions aspect?"

James nodded. "I would appreciate that, yeah. I have the family grimoire to follow, but the notes are _complicated._ But most of all- the three of us need to consummate our soul bond for the final step. Don't worry," James said with a laugh. "I know it sounds weird, but it's nothing dirty."

"Oh darn," Lily sighed.

"We just add our blood together, and make a vow," James continued. "And then, if it works, the elixir of life should emerge."

Severus rolled this around in his mind for a time, wondering what mechanisms drove the power of the stone, and why a soul-bond was necessary to make it work.

After a time, Lily spoke. "James, I've seen a lot of evidence for the existence of souls since I came to Hogwarts. Do you think there is an afterlife?"

"There is," he said simply.

"If there is, then why did your family vow to destroy death?" Lily said.

"My ancestor- Ignotus Peverell- he… he saw beyond the veil," James said softly. "What he saw was a fate he could not abide."

"The veil- you mean the veil between the living and the dead? How did he do that? Psychedelics?"

"The veil is a physical object, not a metaphor or anything. He just walked through. They still keep the veil in the department of mysteries. We could even go visit it, if you want."

Lily blinked, seeming too stunned to speak.

"Usually, mortals who look through it never come back, but Ignotus had the resurrection stone, which allowed him to pass freely back and forth between the realms."

"He had not yet made his vow to defeat death, yet he had a resurrection stone?" Severus asked.

James nodded. "According to family lore, his brother made the stone for that purpose, so they could unravel the secrets of death and tell the living. There were three Peverell brothers who worked together to unravel the secrets of death, but Ignotus- the founder of the line- was the most courageous of the three. He was courageous enough to pass through the veil alone, and what he saw was enough to frighten even him."

"What did he see?" Lily asked quietly.

"He saw the righteous who had passed into heaven spending eternity in stagnation. They were happy, they were in paradise, but they were unable to learn, explore, grow, or change. Aeon after aeon, they remain in the same garden paradise."

James's voice took on a formal cadence, as though he were reciting an ancient tome from memory.

"But the righteous are few, and the corrupt are many. Ignotus witnessed the fate of the corrupt, who suffer eternally in abject torment, all for mortal crimes committed in the scope of mortal days. Ignotus's heart broke when he witnessed these horrors, and he swore that one day the torment would end, and all human souls would be free."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Luck be a Lady

Severus hadn't lost many memories from his seventh year.

He'd always remembered the tasks he'd performed as the Dark Lord's young minion, and they were not very exciting. The Dark Lord was clever, and to prevent his secrets from leaking out to Dumbledore, he had given the Death Eaters who still attended Hogwarts few tasks and fewer secrets. For the tasks the young Death Eaters were given, they were forbidden from collaborating with each other, or even revealing their tasks to each other. Everything was, it seemed, on a "need to know" basis, and Severus needed to know very little.

Severus had been told to invent a potion to create a "loud bang that would not echo," and a second potion to make objects weightless for exactly 30 minutes. Severus could not discern why the Dark Lord would need such potions, and the Dark Lord certainly wasn't telling.

James, who prided himself on his ability to concoct unusual pranks, could not discern the use of such potions, either, and Lily was distracted by the weightlessness potion that, in her words, 'must violate conservation of mass.' Then, once Severus had convinced her that the potion was safe, she had been too eager to try the potion to think about its use in battle.

Between Severus's potions research, his research into dark arts, and his NEWTs, he was unable to sneak a sample of the potion to Lily, nor did he have many opportunities to see her at all. He contented himself with watching Lily and James from afar, feeling a sort of bittersweet satisfaction as they became head boy and head girl, gained early apprenticeships, made record-breaking scores on their NEWTs, and were admired as the golden couple of Hogwarts.

Severus, in his own way, was just as accomplished in his final year, but he wasn't admired. Most of his professors would hardly look at him.

When NEWTs were over, and Severus returned home, an unfamiliar owl was waiting for him. He took the owl's letter, and he found a lock of hair pressed underneath the wax seal. Inside was a love note, written in loopy but uneven handwriting, signed by "Your Secret Admirer."

After a few moments of astonishment, Severus realized that if something was too strange to comprehend, it probably wasn't true.

"_Revelio, Laurelwood Park," _he said, reciting the password Severus, Lily, and James had worked out some months before.

_Dear Cousin Will,_

_ I know that we need to be careful, but I miss you. My parents are throwing a graduation party tonight, and it wouldn't be right for me to celebrate without you. _

_ Apparate straight to the new spot before 6, if you want to come. Under the seal you will find the key,_

_ Yours, _

_ Bucky_

It took Severus very little time to work out the riddle in the letter. Bucky was obviously James, whose animagus form was a stag- or buck. The _key_ under the seal was a lock of hair belonging to a cousin Will, who was likely a distant enough relation that he wouldn't come to the party, but near enough to not be out of place if he did.

Severus went over the house, fortifying the security spells he'd placed there last year. Then he opened his school trunk and opened a hidden compartment, where he kept his more valuable potions. He took the one labeled "PJ-1," dropped in the hair, and then drank.

Severus gagged, and then he put the bottle away. He sat hard as the unpleasant transformation took effect, and after it was over, he was glad to find he was only slightly shorter than he had been, and he seemed to be just as skinny. He put on his nicest pair of black robes, and then he spun, apparating not to the greenhouse, but to theempty room in the east corner of the cottage.

Within moments, Lily apparated with a *pop* next to him, and then her eyes went wide and she flinched away from him.

"Er- sorry. Who are…"

"What's the main ingredient of Coca-cola?" Severus asked quickly, keeping his guard up.

"Oh- cocaine, of course," Lily said, relaxing slightly. "What's in my formula for rocket fuel?"

"Liquid oxygen, kerosene, hellebore, and ashwinder eggs," Severus said.

"*Phew* Sev," Lily said, taking a deep breath. "You frightened me out of my wits- I thought only us and James knew about this room, so to find a stranger here was terrifying. Things have been so frightening, lately. Are we going to have to verify each other's identities every time we see each other?"

"Verify the identity of everyone you see if you're alone, or if you are going to disclose anything of importance. It would be best to do a _hominim revelio,_ as well," he said.

"Right," Lily said with a resigned sigh. "I won't cast it tonight, though- wouldn't want to break your disguise."

At that moment, James entered the room, followed closely by Sirius.

"What's the main ingredient in Coca-cola?" Lily asked James as he entered.

"Not sure, but I know it's not cocaine," he said.

"And somehow, that's also the correct answer," Lily laughed.

"So- _cousin Will," _James said with a wink. "I see you got my letter."

"I did," Severus replied.

"Stop making that face, _Will," _Sirius said. "You sneer like a Death Eater."

Severus gave Sirius his ugliest sneer.

"Lily- where's Mum and Da?" James asked, ignoring Sirius.

"If you mean yours, I have no idea," Lily said airily. "If you mean mine, they are coming here by car, and should arrive in about 30 minutes. I apparated so I could spend more time getting ready. And by getting ready, of course, I mean napping."

Despite Lily's assertion that she had been napping instead of getting ready, she looked incredible. She was wearing the same peasant-style dress she'd worn on her date with Severus, but her hair was carefully coiled into a sleek ballet bun, into which she'd pinned a cluster of rosebuds. She was wearing the faintest hint of makeup, though it was more than Severus had ever seen her wear, and on her long, slender neck she wore the locket James had given them both two summers before.

Severus looked around and noticed that both Sirius and James were wearing expensive-looking formal robes, though while Sirius was well groomed and looked every bit the young heir he wasn't, James looked like he'd fallen out of bed and put on his most expensive robes by mistake.

Still, the conclusion was inevitable. "I'm underdressed," Severus sighed. Severus seemed to care a lot more about being underdressed at James's party, even though no one would recognize him, than he had at Malfoy's party, where everyone could see his face.

James, however, seemed unconcerned. "No one who knows cousin Will would be surprised. You look fine."

At that moment, a gong rang out through the house.

"The first guests are arriving," James sighed. "I have to go greet them. You guys coming, or-"

"You and Lily go ahead," Sirius said lightly. "I need a word with Snape."

Severus lifted an eyebrow, but he didn't object. Lily and James hesitated, but after a little more prodding, they left the room.

"Come with me- I have another set of dress robes in my room."

Sirius turned to lead Severus from the room, but Severus froze.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"I may or may not have a special reason," Sirius said with a grin.

"It just occurred to me that we forgot to verify _your_ identiy," Severus persisted. "What is Lily's greatest fear?"

"Azkaban," Sirius said. "Now- verify your identity. What is your greatest fear?"

"I never told you my greatest fear."

"No- but I know it," Sirius said steadily.

Severus remained silent for a few moments, and then sighed. "Werewolves."

"Good man," Sirius said, clapping Severus on the back in an almost friendly way. He squeezed Severus's shoulder very hard, however, as he marched him from the room.  
"Now come on- you'll wear proper robes if I have to force them over your head."

#

Few guests looked twice at Severus, for which he was grateful.

The party had been set up in the garden, where fairy lights- provided by actual fairies- danced over the fragrant night-blooming flowers. Tables of cakes, puddings, dainties, and punch lined the garden on all sides, and an impromptu dance-floor had sprung up around the whitewashed gazebo, though strangely, no-one was dancing inside of it. Awful music was being piped into the garden from who knew where, which could be heard over mingling voices.

Severus drifted around the garden's perimeter, behind the tables, glad of the opportunity to disappear from the crowd. Lily and James were dancing very badly, and he couldn't help but smile as he watched them jerk out of time with the music with complete abandon.

When the song ended, however, Severus's smile faded. Without Lily and James to distract him, his eyes wandered, examining the crowd. To his surprise, he saw dark families and death eaters swarming in the crowd.

Then he stuck his hand in his pocket, gripping his wand, and stepped forward resolutely.

"Hey, easy," Sirius said from behind him, grabbing his arm. "I think you need to calm down."

"Your _mother_ and _brother _are chatting with Mr. and Mrs. Evans," Severus said. "I have to stop-"

"Stop what?" Sirius hissed, drawing Severus back further from the table. "Mother isn't going to try anything in public. It would be unseemly; she's only here to keep up appearances."

"The Evans are _muggles,"_ Severus said, almost choking on the words.

"They're dressed in formal robes," Sirius said appraisingly. "I wonder where they got them?"

"Mrs. Evans made them. She was so excited to learn about the wizarding world that…"

"Ah, of course. Lily's dad is a vicar, right? And her mum is a housewife?"

"Yeah- so?"

Sirius snickered. "So my Mum is talking to two muggles and she has no idea. She won't be able to tell if she asks their professions, since there are wizards of all religions. This is _perfect!"_

Sirius carried on laughing, watching as his mother nodded cordially to the Evans, and then turned to mingle with the next group, seemingly none the wiser.

Severus relaxed slightly as Mrs. Black turned away. "If she eventually does find out then… wait a minute. What in the world is _Pettigrew_ doing?"

Severus had glanced down the refreshment table, where a certain boy with a rat-like face was pouring the contents of a vial into the punch bowl.

"Shhhh, Snape. It's fine. It's nothing dangerous."

"If you think I'm going to stand aside and let you ruin-"

"James is going to love this surprise- _trust me. _He's going to have one _lucky_ night."

Sirius winked, and before Severus could follow him to argue further, a gentle hand took his.

"Hey, _Will,"_ Lily said cheerfully. "This is a party. Don't waste a good time by arguing with Sirius."

"But he-"

"Forget him," Lily said firmly. "Come on. Dance with me."

"You shouldn't be seen with me," Severus said.

"Why not? It's the perfect time for me to get to know James's family, isn't it, _cousin Will?"_ Lily said. "This is fine."

Lily dragged Severus onto the dance floor, and just like that, he forgot all about the Maurauders' prank.

#

One night, when his father was very late at the pub, Severus's mother had put on the radio, taken his hands, and had pulled him around the living room with a smile on her face- one of the three genuine smiles he'd ever seen her wear. She'd told Severus that he was a natural, and though she'd never danced with him again, he'd often practiced the steps when he was alone, committing them to memory.

Thanks to this practice, though he was a little off the music, Severus was able to lead Lily smoothly around the garden. The two gazed into each other's eyes for a time, gliding through a world of their own, before Severus realized that _cousin Will_ shouldn't seem too familiar with Lily. He cleared his throat and glanced around the garden, distracting himself by watching the couples all around him.

The first couple he noticed was Robert Martin and Harriet Smith, from Hufflepuff. As Severus passed, Robert trod on Harriet's toes, and Harriet dropped his hands.

"This isn't working out," Harriet said.

"I think I can get the steps if-"

"No, not the dance. Our relationship. We should see other people."

Robert sighed, as though in relief. "I was waiting for the right moment to bring this up, but… you're right. There's a whole world of people outside of Hogwarts, and we should meet them. Friends?"

Harriet shook his hand. "Friends." Then the two laughed and started dancing once more.

Then, as Severus and Lily passed the edge of the makeshift dance floor, they heard another conversation, carried out in whispers.

"Come on, Fanny, dance with me," the first said.

"But Mary- we're both girls."

"So?"

"You… you don't think it's weird?"

"Of course not, silly. I've liked you a long time. Don't you like me."

"I… I do. I would love to dance with you."

The music stopped, then, and Lily took Severus's arm, leading him back into the crowd.

"Oh look, there's professor Slughorn," Lily said, and before Severus could stop her she called out, "Professor!"

"Miss Evans," Slughorn said, turning away from professor Flitwick and a sixth-year girl who was in tears. "Congratulations on passing your mastery, and at such a young age!"

Lily froze. "I… passed my mastery?"

"Slughorn!" Flitwick squeaked. "I wasn't going to tell her until her certificate had been filed!"

"I'm sorry for spoiling the surprise," Slughorn said, though he didn't sound sorry at all. His eyes twinkled as he spoke. "But, my dear, your device was so splendid, and your explanation of the principles so thorough, that I'm sure you knew the board would approve your mastery. Now good old Flitwick here is free to take another apprentice."

The girl, Jane Bennet, looked up, her face streaked with tears. "I was sure that Teresa Davis would get the apprenticeship. I'm so ha-happy!"

And then Jane let loose a sob and cried into her hands once more. Lily stepped forward, her own eyes brimming with tears.

"Stop it- you're making me cry, too," Lily said, putting her arms around Jane. "I never thought I'd get my mastery on my first attempt."

"Girls! Girls!" Slughorn chuckled jovially. "Well, I'm glad you are both happy, and I'm glad I got to see this moment. I was afraid I would miss it, since I'm going…"

Slughorn trailed off, looking askance at Severus. Then he cleared his throat.

"Well, it's getting late, and I must be off. Congratulations, my dears. Good to meet you… Potter, is it? You have the family features. Goodbye." And Slughorn disapparated before Severus could answer.

"Yes yes, congratulations," Flitwick said, floating two handkerchiefs over to the girls. "Now Miss Bennet, do dry your eyes and get some rest, tonight. I expect to see you bright and early for our first lesson."

Bennet blew her nose and stood a little straighter. "Yes sir, Professor. Good night, Lily."

Miss Bennet disapparated as well, along with several other guests. Severus looked around, noting half of the guests had gone already, and the rest were… all of them seemed strangely giddy. Some were laughing, some snogging, and some were dancing, even though the music had ended.

"Oh- I'm overwhelmed," Lily said, dabbing her eyes. "I need something to drink. You want some, Will?"

"Allow me," Severus said, and he wedged himself past a group of Ravenclaws who were engaged in the largest group hug he'd ever seen. He returned with two glasses of punch, one of which he handed to Lily.

"A toast," he said, holding up his glass, "to your success."

Lily smiled, they clinked their glasses together, and time seemed to slow down as Severus realized what he was doing.

It was too late. The liquid was already in his mouth, and he swallowed by reflex.

"Oh no!" he said to himself. "I can't believe I just…"

"James," Lily said, swallowing her own punch. "We have to go tell James the good news, don't we?"

"I- yes. Yes we do!" Severus said. Now that Lily had mentioned it, he could think of nothing else. "We have to go see James."

They didn't know where James was, of course, but that didn't matter. Through some unspoken agreement, Lily and Severus went straight into the house, where James was waiting for them.

James beckoned for them to follow him; his expression was serious, but his eyes twinkled behind his glasses. He led them through a hallway and into a side-room that was lit only with candlelight.

"James," Lily said in a hushed voice.

"My parents are leaving tonight- and I don't know if they'll ever come back. Besides, I can't wait any longer. Marry me- both of you marry me, tonight."

"Tonight?" Lily gasped. "James!"

"Yes," Severus breathed.

"How?" Lily continued. "We don't have a license, and the law-"

"Who cares about the law? The laws of magic will allow a binding with three people, and your father can perform a religious ceremony. What else do we need?"

"Yes," Severus said again.

"Will he- do you think he will approve?"

"Yes!" Severus said in a stronger voice. He took Lily's hands. "Lily- marry us."

Lily looked between Severus and James, and then tears came to her eyes once more.

"Yes," she whispered.

Then the three of them fell into each other's arms, laughing and crying, as they waited for the final guests to disperse.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Love and Eternity

Three wands, held aloft and crossed together, glowed as bright as the noonday sun.

"What god has joined, let no man put asunder," Mr. Evan's voice echoed in Severus's ears, though he could hardly hear the words.

Severus hardly had time embrace his husband or wife, and hardly had time to exchange the kisses that sealed their promise. He was pulled into Mrs. Evan's embrace, and then a light kiss from Mrs. Potter was planted on his cheek, all while Mr. Evans embraced his daughter and Mr. Potter shook his son's hand.

"I wish Eileen could have been here," Mrs. Evans whispered to Severus. "She would be so _proud_ of the man you've become."

"I quite agree," Mr. Evans said, turning to clasp Severus's hand. "Take care of our girl."

"I'll make sure to take care of Severus," Lily proclaimed. "I'll take care of Severus and James, both. It will be a full-time job, I expect."

Everyone assembled laughed, and Severus couldn't help but marvel at how easily the whole thing had come together.

Lily, it seemed, had not hidden any aspect of their relationship from her parents. She had fully admitted that she was being courted by both James and Severus, that James and Severus courted each other as well, and that all of this must remain a secret to maintain Severus's position as a spy. Severus, who had not seen Mr. or Mrs. Evans since the previous summer, had been overwhelmed by the welcome he'd received when he emerged from the cottage, wearing his own face. When James expressed his desire to marry Lily and Severus that very night, Mr. Evans had proposed conducting the ceremony himself.

Now, Severus looked around at those assembled, and a strange thought filled his heart with warmth.

"All of these people are my family, now. We are a family."

Even so, it was a relief when the Evans, Potters, and Sirius all dispersed, leaving Lily, James and Severus alone at last. Before the Potters left, Severus saw Euphie- a tiny woman with pixie-short dark hair and blue eyes that twinkled- press something into her son's hand.

"It's yours now- the estate, the holdings… everything."

"But-" James blinked, his eyes growing red. "But you haven't been here long, and…"

"We've been here a very long time," Fleamont said, ruffling his messy hair. "People talk - more and more, it seems. Don't worry. We have planned this for a long time, so we have everything we need."

"Really? You've planned this for a long time?" James said incredulously. "And _dragon pox_ is the best you could come up with?"

"It seemed logical- neither of us caught it when we were young, and it's ever so much worse when you're older," Euphie said with a chuckle. "If anything happens to us, this ring will light up and glow. Twist the ring three times, and it will take you to the place we've hidden the stone."

"And if you need us, just whistle our favorite tune," Fleamont added.

Then, without another word, they disapparated with a pop.

"Sure… bye Dad," James said wearily. "I'll just pretend to mourn you during my honeymoon."

"James?" Lily said tentatively.

"They aren't coming back," James said tersely. "They just decided to pop off and let me arrange their pretend funerals so no one finds out about their stone."

Lily took both James and Severus's hands. "It can wait until _after_ our honeymoon. I'm not going to let anything spoil our happiness, yet."

#

The next few weeks passed like a whirlwind.

James took a pre-spelled portkey from the family library, which whisked the three of them away to Venice. There, they spent their honeymoon lazing in the summer sun, drifting through canals, and making love in the villa. Lily, who usually hated the effects of the never-sleep elixir, was so relaxed and easygoing that she readily agreed to brew some, so the three had plenty of time to work on the most important project of all- creating the philosopher's stone.

Severus checked the dark mark daily, but it never darkened or burned. He felt as though he existed in a strange sort of limbo, here in this serene place. The days drifted slowly past, filled with late meals, leisurely walks, long, languid kisses, and conversations on deep magic that wound well into the night.

After three weeks, the spell was broken. They returned to England, and almost at once, Severus's mark burned.

"Don't worry- I'll unpack your things," Lily whispered, as though the Dark Lord could listen through the mark. "You mustn't be late."

Severus pressed his lips against hers, and then he disapparated on the spot.

He found himself in a large, metal building- an abandoned warehouse. There was a long row of defense practice dummies that stood against the far wall, and the Dark Lord sat behind and a little above them, on a stack of pallets, with the air of a king on his throne.

"Welcome, my loyal followers," he said in a satin voice to those who materialized around him. "You have all worked tirelessly to set the stage for my passion play and now- "he gestured to the dummies "- we must rehearse."

Two men, who had previously stood in the pallet's shadows, stepped forward- both of them wearing silver masks.

"These are my two most trusted generals- Gog and Magog. They have been working tirelessly on our strategy."

"Thank you, my Lord," Magog said in a voice so deep and resonant, it must have been modulated with magic. "My fellow death eaters, it will not be an easy victory, but with our combined power, and under the guidance of the strongest wizard alive, we will triumph."

Gog also bowed to the Dark Lord, and then spoke. "Our strategy is a simple but effective one- controlled chaos. We will strike without warning where the ministry expects us least. You will be divided into three teams- team 1 will use a combination of illusions and false explosions to _heard_ our enemy into tightly controlled kill-zones."

So that, Severus thought, must have been the reason behind the potion that would release a bang without an echo- so that the victims would clearly hear the direction it came from, and flee in the opposite direction.

"Team two," Magog continued, "will move in and use glamours and potions designed to confuse the enemy"

This, too, explained the weightlessness potion.

Magog's modulated voice rose as he finished. "Team three will move in to annihilate the enemy."

Gog made a cutting gesture across his throat, driving the point home.

Magog quickly divided the assembled Death Eaters into the three teams, but Severus found himself shuffled to the sidelines, along with Lucius Malfoy and three other masked Death Eaters.

"What- what about us?" one of the masked Death Eaters said nervously. Severus recognized the unmodulated voice instantly as belonging to Regulus Black. "Aren't we-"

"Rest assured, the Dark Lord has some purpose in mind for us," said Lucius Malfoy, in a voice that sounded almost relieved.

_Can't stain those expensive robes with blood, can we?_ Severus thought.

"Indeed- the Dark Lord has plans for you, and he does not wish to risk you being unmasked in front of our enemies in the heat of battle. Watch the others learn our tactics so you may join in case of an emergency," Gog said. Then he turned to Severus and Malfoy.

"We will need 15 gallons each of your special potions to start with; I suggest you start brewing.," he said to Severus. Then he turned to Malfoy. "The _Daily Prophet_ is in financial straits. I trust you know what to do."

#

"The Dark Lord has me right where he wants me," Severus said bitterly to Lily later that evening. They were on the setee- Lily's long legs were draped over his knees as she listened to his vent, both of them taking long sips of tea between words.

"I doubt that. If he knew everything, he'd want you gone-completely," Lily said.

"I still can't help but think that he's kept me from battle because he _knows. _This way, he gets my potions, and I won't be able to tell anyone where the next raids will be, because I don't 'need to know.'"

"You know their tactics, though, and that will help," Lily said. "Plus, we know that the _Daily Prophet _will be under his control, soon. I've already written a coded message for Dumbledore. We won't be able to leave it in the usual place, of course, and I'm sure that means Dumbledore will guess the informant was in our year."

"Or a fifth year who quit after getting their O. ," Severus said with a sigh. "How much calming draught did you put in this tea, by the way? I'm getting drowsy."

"You must be tired," Lily said, stoking Severus's long, black hair. "There's nothing in here but good old-fashioned chamomile tea."

"Hmmm," Severus hummed in thought, and then put the tea aside. "At least, if I'm kept in the wings, I won't have to face James in battle. Where is James, anyway?"

A few moments later, as though summoned by Severus's words, James came clattering down the stairs.

"_Eureka!_" he shouted. "This is it, guys."

"What is it?" Lily asked languidly.

"The stone has passed to the albedo phase. You should see it- it's shining bright white, just like the text said. Come on- it's ready."

"Are you serious?" Severus stood, unthinking, and winced as Lily's legs hit the ground with a *thud*. Lily, however, recovered quickly, and stood as well.

"It's ready?"

James nodded, and smiled. "Come and see."

#

This is how Severus found himself outside, in the gazebo, with Lily and James by his side.

James had placed the stone inside of a pitcher, to catch the elixir of life while it formed, and he'd placed a goblet before Lily and Severus and himself so they could all drink. It was a peaceful night- the fragrance of the night-blooming flowers wafted through the garden, and Severus could see the stars twinkling under the gazebo's eaves, near the horizon.

_I will be able to gaze at those stars forever,_ Severus thought. _With Lily and James by my side._

"The text said as soon as the stone glows white, it is ready," James said. "All we have to do now is add our blood for the albedo phase."

"Don't we need to measure the blood? Does it matter what order we add it?" Severus asked nervously.

"No- we just need to cover the stone in our blood; that's what the text said," James replied.

"Lily, you saw the text, did it really-"

"Trust me, Severus," James said, drawing a silver knife from his formal robes.

At that moment, Severus felt a great surge of love and trust swell in his heart. Severus held out his hand, palm up, while James raised the knife.

James slashed the knife once, twice, thrice. Crimson blood flowed.

"Hands over the pitcher," James said, dripping own blood into the ornate pitcher. "The stone is within. From albedo to rubeus, blood of my blood, let immortality come forth."

"Blood of my blood, let immortality come forth," Lily repeated. She held her hand over the pitcher, letting her blood fall into it. A soft glow emanated from inside the pitcher.

"Join us," James said to Severus. "Mingle your blood with ours. Be with us forever."

"Forever…" Severus whispered, raising his hand.

Blood mingled. Souls intertwined.

In that moment, Severus knew that however many centuries passed, and whatever tragedies may come, his love for Lily James would endure, always.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Strength and Innocence

The happy trio enjoyed only a week of their eternal bliss before everything began to go wrong.

It began the day of the Potters' mock funeral. Severus had attended, again as cousin Will, in order to keep watch for any sign of Death Eater attack. The service, however, went off without a hitch, and Severus, Lily, and James were back in the Cottage by Three o' Clock.

The three were just settling down to some tea when the front bell chimed. A few moments later, Nikki the house elf materialized in the sitting room.

"There is a muggle at the door, Master James," the elf squeaked, her eyes as wide as saucers. "I asked who she was, but she screamed and threw things at my head. I cannot make her go away!"

"_Lily! Get out here, now!"_ a voice echoed through the entryway.

"Oh, it's Petunia," Lily sighed. "It's quite alright, Nikki- I will go talk to her."

As Severus watched Lily go, still wearing her black dress, a cold chill washed over him- a sense of foreboding. After a few minutes, he heard a muffled cry, and when he rushed to Lily, she was in tears.

"Lily," he whispered. "What is wrong? What did she say to you?"

Lily shook her head, her red-rimmed eyes blank as though with shock. Then she looked up, and she seemed to recollect herself.

"In the sitting room- sit down," she whispered. "James- will you please put Severus in the full-body bind?"

"Why?" James and Severus said at once.

"Because I don't want Sev to do something rash," she said.

Something in the elder Severus's mind detatched from the scene, as though he could not re-live this moment. The night before, Price and his lackey, Simmons, had broken into the church. It was the night that Mr. Evans and his wife counted the week's meager offerings and balanced the church accounts. Mr. Evans had willingly handed over the offering money, but he had moved too quickly, and Price had panicked. Mrs. Evans had screamed, and he'd panicked further. When the police captured Price, he confessed to everything that had happened, but had refused to tell anyone where he'd gotten the gun.

Lily had been right to restrain Severus. He'd never longed to kill anyone more in his entire life.

Somehow, though, he'd restrained himself from seeking vengeance. Lily had needed his help and protection far more. He'd attended the funeral, again under polyjuice, to help guard the congregation.

It had been a tough job, because the church was so packed. Everyone in town, it seemed, attended. The mourners backed up into the street, but no violence erupted at the service.

It took time, but Severus finally began to come down from his grief for the man who had been more of a father than his own ever was, and the woman whose kindness had been never-failing.

Lily was keeping busy- far busier than she'd ever seen her at Hogwarts. She was no longer working on rocket fuel or radio-magic detectors, though. She disappeared for a couple of hours each morning, and then she shut herself in the library until James came back from his healer training at St. Mungos. Then she dragged James into the garden and insisted that he teach her to duel.

"Sure, but I thought you didn't like fighting?" James had said.

"It doesn't matter. There are plenty of people who want to hurt me, anyway. My pacifism won't stop them."

They dueled for hours, and James always seemed to have the upper hand until one day, when he successfully cast an anti-magic field. They discovered where Lily had been spending her mornings, and James gained a black eye.

"Sorry- Sensei said I need to learn better control," Lily said. "I really thought I'd pulled that punch. I'm so sorry."

"You're taking martial arts classes?" James had said, stunned. "Why?"

"Because we can't use wands on muggles, and they-" Lily had began, and then dissolved into tears.

Lily had to take a calming draught and go to bed early.

The next day. Lily came down to the basement, where Severus had set up a brewing lab. In her hands, she clutched a thick notebook.

"Sev, could you put the potion in stasis for a moment? There's something I want to discuss with you."

"It needs to simmer for 30 minutes. That should give us time, I think."

Lily nodded, and then perched on one of the stools, fiddling nervously with the notebook.

"This will sound mad, but you did promise to hear me out. This is about the Death Eaters,and Azkaban."

Severus nodded. "Go on."

Lily opened the notebook, and pointed to a page. "There is a way to kill dementors. It is a spell that the ministry's forbidden to cast, because they consider it to be dark, but what could be worse than allowing the dementors to continue to suck the life and happiness from people?"

"Why does the ministry consider it to be dark?" Severus asked.

"Because it's a sacrificial ritual. It requires the permanent sacrifice of one happy memory."

"You mean- like obliviation?"

Lily shook her head. "Obliviation only hides memories from us. This ritual destroys the memory forever."

Severus drew a deep breath. "Lily- the Order would never agree to cast a ritual like that."

"I did the math- if the members of the Order of the Phoenix all came together and sacrificed just _one_ memory each, then we could save the happy memories of hundreds of people. _Think_ about it, Sev. Isn't it worth it? Wouldn't Dumbledore himself, who hates Dementors, think it is worth it?"

"He wouldn't. You know how he feels about dark magic. He would never allow a dark ritual to taint his order or stain his own hands. And you- Lily, would you really sacrifice a memory that we shared? Or one of your parents? Don't sacrifice the light inside of yourself to fight the darkness."

"You have done dark magic. Why can't I?"

_Because your light is so much brighter than mine ever was, _Severus thought to himself. Out loud he said, "Lily- if there's one light you need to sacrifice, it's this; for now, you need to concentrate your efforts on fighting the Death Eaters, and to do that, you can't weaken the dark weapon the ministry holds against them. We can destroy Azkaban when this is over, and then you can take us to the stars."

"But- there's so much pain happening right now," Lily gasped. "Mum and Da died fighting the darkness. I need to, or else their fight was…"

Severus slid down from his own stool and took Lily's hands. "Did you see the crowd at the church? Your parents brought so much light into that dull little town. They improved so many lives. Don't for a moment think that their fight was futile, or that they would want you to sacrifice your light for them."

Lily didn't sob- didn't so much as quiver- but her tears fell on their clasped hands.

"You will make the world better," Severus said. "You will take us to the stars. Don't give up your dreams, or your memories."

#

The next disaster occurred on the Dark Lord's orders.

As soon as Severus heard the order, he knew it was doomed. When Severus attained his mastery, the Dark Lord insisted that Severus must play spy, and asked him to attend an interview for the newly-vacated position of Potions Master at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore, Severus knew, would never hire someone like him- a Slytherin with a reputation as dark as could be. And if Dumbledore _did _offer Severus the position, how could he become a double agent, fooling the two most powerful wizards in the world simultaneously? Severus approached the interview with dread in the pit of his stomach, only because he must.

But he never completed the interview, because he heard the prophecy.

At first, Severus was too shocked to process the words. The one with the power to defeat the Dark Lord? A newborn? It didn't make any sense.

Then McGonagall had spotted Severus as he listened through the crack in the door, and he'd panicked. He fled, disapparated to the cottage, and just as he was getting his senses, the dark marked burned.

"Severus," the Dark Lord had said with a sneer as Severus apparated again. "I take it the interview didn't go well?"

Severus's hand was burning- he looked down and saw that he'd splinched it. He felt dizzy as he watched his blood drip onto the floor.

"I-"

Before Severus could collect himself, the Dark Lord twisted his way past the barriers and into Severus's mind. There he saw the memory that was echoing again and again.

"Very well done, Severus," the Dark Lord hissed. "We will crush this new enemy before it can ever grow into a threat. Very well done, indeed."

#

Even at home, the words echoed endlessly through Severus's mind.

"Maybe it's for the best that the Dark Lord knows," James was saying.

"How could that possibly be for the best?" Lily asked through a mouthful of crisps.

"It could be one of those self-fulfilling prophecies," James answered. "Trying to stop it might lead the Dark Lord to his doom. Lily, is that the last bag of crisps?"

"I can't help it- I'm hungry," Lily pouted. "The question is, who could it be? The prophecy didn't specify the kid had to be pureblood, or from England. The Dark Lord could never kill every baby born in July."

"It has to be born to parents he's come across before- _born to those who have thrice defied him."_

_ …thrice defied him._

"It depends on how you define the word 'defy,'" Lily said thoughtfully. "I don't think it's one of his followers, because 'disobey' doesn't quite fit. It has to be more than just escaping him in battle, too, so it can't be just any Order member."

Severus's blood went cold.

"How about _three_ people who entered into a _conspiracy_ to spy on the Dark Lord and take his secrets to Dumbledore?" Severus whispered.

Lily dropped her crisps.

"Lily- when was your last…?" James whispered.

Lily's hands went to her abdomen. "It can't be."

But it was.

They could not flee- could not go to Italy, like they'd planned. The Dark Lord had minions at the ministry, keeping tabs on international portkeys, and now that she was pregnant, it was too risky for Lily to apparrate.

They waited for Dumbledore to do something, but he did not, even after Lily told him when she was due. Finally, Severus went to Dumbledore out of desperation, and Dumbledore promised to protect Lily, James, and the child in return for Severus's service.

But Dumbledore did not protect them.

Severus's mind flashed to the last hidden memory, the night of the attack at the Cottage. The whole thing had been a ruin, but Harry- _Harry _ was alive in the rubble, crying out for his mother. Sirius fled the scene, murder in his eyes, as Severus gathered Harry in his arms.

Severus prepared to go- prepared to take Harry to Gringotts, where their stone was hidden, but Dumbledore had stopped him.

"Give me the child," Dumbledore said firmly.

"You don't understand- it's not too late!"

Dumbledore had sighed, and then said one single word.

_"Obliviate."_

#

Dumbledore had obliviated Severus several times over the years. He'd kept him close all that time, monitoring him, and every time Severus started to remember, every time Severus found a clue, Dumbledore had wiped his mind clean.

Severus found himself blinking at his washroom mirror, once more. He wanted to rage against Dumbledore- to scream and cry for all he had lost, but there was no time. It wasn't too late.

He had to save Lily and James.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Mirrors and Miracles

Severus tore down the halls of Hogwarts, armed with only his wand, a potion flask, and a photograph.

"_Severus Snape! _Where are you going?"

When he heard Minerva's voice calling after him, his first instinct was to ignore it and run faster. A tiny voice in his head, however- one that recognized Minerva for the friend and ally she truly was- was the only thing that stopped him.

_You need information. You may need help._

"Minerva," he said, spinning around and halting so abruptly that Minerva skidded to a stop behind him. "Do you know- is Potter in his dorm?"

"I sent him there earlier this evening, Severus. He and his friends were in quite a state, thinking that _you_ were after the stone- can you believe it?"

"Where is the headmaster?"

"He had some call from Fudge earlier this afternoon, so he's on his way to the ministry. Severus, what is…"

"When was the last time you saw Quirrel?"

"This morning, at breakfast. He's been busy with exams all day, to be sure."

It was the end of the year, Dumbledore was conveniently absent, and Harry had, no doubt, figured out how to get past all of the obstacles surrounding the philosopher's stone. The trap was set, and Harry was going to be caught.

"Check where he is, Minerva. Ask a portrait."

Minerva looked around the hallway until she spotted a picture of a lady all in violet. "Excuse me," she said, striding toward the portrait. "Can you ask the pink lady if Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, or Hermione Granger have left Gryffindor tower?"

The lady curtseyed and danced from the frame, and then returned in very short order.

"All three left thirty minutes ago, my good woman," she said with a curtsey.

"Come with me, Minerva," Severus said, taking her by the arm. "The boy is trying to protect the stone himself."

"He is in his first year!" Minerva protested as they ran. "Surely the boy wouldn't be that reckless."

"The troll in the washroom? The forbidden forest?" Severus replied.

"Nevermind," Minerva ground out through gritted teeth.

When Severus reached the third-floor corridor, he was completely unsurprised to find it had been breached. "Fluffy" was snoozing peacefully, the devil's snare was completely shriveled, the keys were in disarray…

"Oh my word! Miss Granger- what has happened?"

Miss Granger was, indeed, kneeling amongst ceramic rubble strewn across a chessboard, kneeling next to an injured redhead.

"He won the game, but he's been injured, you see," Hermione said in a quivering voice. "Harry went ahead; there was only enough potion for one of us to get past the fire."

"Minerva, take them to the infirmary," Severus said.

'But what about-"

"I will protect Potter."

Minerva sighed. "Very well." She waved her wand, and Weasley's body lifted gently into the air. The boy shook his head slightly, as though dazed, and then squinted at Severus.

"If Snape is here, then who is in there?" he said groggily.

Severus wasted no time responding. He downed the contents of his potions bottle and dashed through the flame that guarded the last room.

There, Severus Snape was met with a grotesque sight.

Professor Quirrel stood at the center of the room, next to the Mirror of Erised. His turban had been removed, and looking out of the back of his head – seeming to stretch and strain at the tight skin of Quirrel's scalp- was the familiar face of the Dark Lord, Voldemort.

"Severus, my trusted servant," Voldemort said. "Perhaps you can solve this riddle. A certain artefact was guarded here, inside the mirror which shows what we desire, but it seems to be missing."

"My Lord," Severus said, kneeling, "I believe I know the answer."

Severus reached slowly for his wand. "If I may-"

Voldemort nodded, so Severus drew his wand, and incanted, "_accio philosopher's stone."_

There was a slight shimmer in the air, and the stone seemed to materialize, finding its way to Severus's hand. He heard Harry cry out, "No!" from where he stood, invisible, near the door.

"Not so fast, child!" Voldemort said, and the doors shut behind him, blocking Harry in. "Can you believe it, Quirrel? The child took it from the mirror under our very noses. His invisibility charm must be very powerful, indeed."

"I saw no sign of unusual power from the boy all year," Quirrel replied.

Severus did not reply- he only prayed that Harry stayed hidden long enough for him to finish his task.

Severus knelt and held up the stone. "Here it is, my Lord."

"No!" Harry cried again, and he became visible as he dropped the cloak. Voldemort, however, disregarded the boy entirely- his unnatural eyes gleamed in the torchlight as he stared at his prize.

"Excellent. Quirrel! take the stone."

"At once, my Lord," Quirrel said. He spun around and reached out, snatching the precious object from Severus's hand.

As soon as he touched the stone, Quirrel's hand began to burn. His and the Dark Lord's screams blended into a horrible cachophany. Quirrel dropped the stone, but his arm, shoulder, torso, head- his entire body continued to smolder. Soon, nothing was left of the unnatural duo but a pile of dust.

For a time, a heavy silence filled the air. Then Harry spoke.

"S- Snape," Harry gasped. "What…"

"Harry!" Severus's façade crumbled, and he rushed to the child. "Are you injured? Did he hurt you at all?"

Severus reached out to pull Harry into his arms, but Harry pulled away, out of Severus's reach. His green eyes were wide with fear.

"You knelt to him. You called him my Lord. You gave him the stone!" Harry said accusingly.

"And the stone destroyed him, as Dumbledore knew it would," Severus said calmly. He dropped his wand and held his hands out to show Harry that he meant no harm. "This room was a trap, designed to lure the Dark Lord to his doom. The stone is infused with your parents' blood- the same blood that protected you the night the Dark Lord attacked you at Godric's Hollow."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "How do I know I can trust you?"

Severus reached slowly into his pocket and took out the photograph.

"This is me, Lily, and James in Venice- the happiest time of my entire life," Severus said. "I loved them, Harry. I would never betray them, and even though I've been a real bastard, I would never betray you."

Harry reached out at took the photograph, studying it with hungry eyes.

At that moment, there was a banging on the door, as though someone were trying to get through.

"Harry- this is important. We need to hurry," Severus said, reaching for the stone. "Hold out your hand and repeat after me."

The door shook again, and this time it gave a little, showing just a crack of light before it sprang shut again.

Harry looked up from the photo, and his eyes went wide again as Severus picked up his wand.

"Please, trust me. Hold out your hand. "

*Bang* went the door, but still it held.

Harry held out his hand, but then drew it back again when Severus waved his wand, making a small cut.

"It's bleeding!" Harry cried.

"I'm sorry- it's for your parents. It's for _them. _Repeat after me- 'blood of my blood.'"

"Blo-"

*Bang*

"Hold out your hand, Harry. Say the words. 'Blood of my Blood."

"Blood of my blood," Harry repeated, stretching his hand out once more.

At that moment, the doors burst open, and Albus Dumbledore appeared just as Severus dropped the stone into Harry's hand.

Severus couldn't see what happened next. The room was flooded with light so bright he was blinded. He fell back, and a few moments later, when his vision cleared, Lily and James were standing next to the Mirror of Erised.

Lily and James, naked, confused, but very much alive, stared at the room around them as though in a daze.

Severus seemed to come to his senses first. He stood and flicked his wand, covering Lily and James with simple, white robes.

"Sev? Sev!" James cried, and then he rushed to Severus, throwing his arms around him. "Thank goodness- the Dark Lord. He's…"

And then James let go, looking around the room where the Dark Lord was nowhere to be found.

Lily blinked at the small boy who stood in front of her with a bewildered expression. "Who-"

"Mum!" Harry cried, and flung himself into her arms.

"Harry?" she said breathlessly. "But- you were a baby. How?"

"A decade has passed since that fateful night at Godric's Hollow," the authoritative voice of Albus Dumbledore flooded through the room. "Harry is a student now, here at Hogwarts."

"Harry?" James rushed to his son as well, pulling him into an embrace.

Lily, seeming to tear her eyes away from Harry with a great effort, looked up to Severus. "Sev! You are alive! I'd thought the Dark Lord killed you."

She opened her arms, and Sev rushed forward to her embrace. As Severus held Lily, warm and solid in his arms, it felt as though the crack in reality healed itself. His memories formed a single thread of continuity leading to this moment, with everything restored to its rightful place. Lily and James were, once more, by his side.

The crack in Severus's heart, which had been no less wide than reality's crack, began to mend itself, as well.

"It's ok. It's ok," he repeated. "You're alive, and I'm alive, too. Who told you that the Dark Lord killed me?"

"Guilty, as charged," Dumbledore said, his voice softer- almost penitent. "Your charm never would have worked, Lily, if you believed you could be brought back. You had to think that the secret of the stone died with you, for your sacrifice to take hold."

"Sacrifice? What sacrifice?" James said, still holding Harry in his arms.

"You knew," Lily whispered. "You knew everything, this whole time. You even gave me the book. How could I have been so stupid?"

James stood, as though to protest, but as soon as he let go of Harry, the boy sighed and swayed where he stood.

"Harry!" The adults all rushed to help the boy, but Dumbledore had the presence of mind to wave his wand, casting a simple diagnostic spell.

"The boy is exhausted," he said. "I think this conversation would be best continued in the hospital wing."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Moonlight and Sunrise

There were at least three more hours of confusion before the conversation was able to continue.

The party, unconscious Harry in tow, made their way to the Hospital wing in silence. The halls were mostly empty, and the few students they saw on the way were too young to recognize James and Lily by sight, and too cowed by the combined presence of Dumbledore and Severus to do anything but return to their common rooms as quickly as they could. Because of this, the trip to the hospital wing was uneventful.

The hospital wing, however, exploded with chaos the moment they arrived.

Hermione and Ron were sitting in adjacent beds. Hermione, already in her pajamas, was sitting up with a large book. Ron, who was unconscious, moaned softly as Madame Pomfrey tended to his head. Minerva, however, was pacing the room with nothing else to distract her, and when she saw Lily and James enter, she gave a little shriek.

"Oh! You've turned into ghosts, or…"

James stepped forward, holding out his arm. "I'm as solid and alive as you are, Professor. Pinch me."

Minerva rushed forward, pulling James into a tight embrace before doing the same with Lily, crushing Harry slightly between them. Tears streaked her usually stern face.

"A miracle- it is a miracle," she whispered.

"But- how…" Madame Pomfrey said in a trembling voice. She stood and stared at Lily and James with wide eyes, her other patient seemingly forgotten.

"The all will be explained at last," Dumbledore said firmly. "Poppy, please give Mr. and Mrs. Potter a full examination once you've finished tending to the boys-" he gestured to Ron, and then Harry. "I believe young Mr. Potter is just exhausted, but it's better to be safe."

Hermione, who had been watching the exchange with a curious expression, dropped her book in her lap when the names "Mr. and Mrs. Potter" were said.

"Is it- is it really Harry's parents?" she said. "I read there have only been four confirmed resurrections in history, and the first one was-"

"You need to rest, Miss Granger," Madame Pomfrey said firmly, taking Hermione's book and closing the curtains around her bed. Then she quickly finished patching Ron's head, made a cursory examination of Harry, and got down to the business of examining James and Lily.

A couple of hours later, after performing dozens of spells, Madame Pomfrey took four vials of blood from each of her miraculous patients.

"It will take some time to run these tests," she said, capping the last vial. "Rest in the meantime. Lily- James…" her expression softened. "It's good to have you back."

"I'm sorry Minerva," Dumbledore said when Madame Pomfrey had gone. "I know you have questions, but they will have to wait. Please watch over the children while I speak to Mr. and Mrs. Potter Privately."

"And Sev," Lily said firmly.

"And Professor Snape, yes."

"Oh wow- _Professor Snape?" _Lily said as Dumbledore led them to a small examination room next to Madame Pomfrey's office.

"Headmaster Dumbledore likes to keep his spies very close," Severus drawled after Dumbledore had sealed the room.

"You've been spying for 10 years?" James said. "The war isn't over yet?"

"The war has been halted, thanks to Lily's actions," Dumbledore said. "But, as Severus saw tonight, the Dark Lord is not fully gone. Remnants of his spirit still linger."

"Wait- what did Lily do?" James said. "Did she defeat him?"

"I didn't think it would work," Lily said softly.

"What did you do?" James repeated.

Lily licked her lips, and then heaved a heavy sigh. "Severus, do you remember that mad plan I told you, to defeat all of the dementors and take down Azkaban?"

Severus nodded, a sense of foreboding blooming in his heart.

"I got the spell to destroy dementors from a book of ancient charms that Dumbledore gave me. It was a present when I got my mastery; he said he wanted me to see how far wizard-kind has come, so I would never become afraid to innovate."

Lily stopped and cast an accusatory glare at Dumbledore. "The book was mostly full of old charms we never use any more, because much more efficient ones have been developed. There was one small chapter, though, that dealt with light rituals that have been banned by the ministry. One of those rituals, of course, was the spell to destroy dementors. Another was a charm to protect someone from death. That spell required a willing sacrifice- someone to give up their own life to save another."

"Indeed," Dumbledore said, nodding. "However, anyone familiar with charms will tell you that it is _intent,_ and not form, that ultimately gives a charm its power. Because of this, I needed you to believe that the sacrifice would be true. I sent an owl to you shortly before the Dark Lord attacked Godric's Hollow, telling you that the Dark Lord had discovered Severus's treachery, and had killed him. That way, you did not face death with the knowledge you could come back."

The room fell silent for a while; the only sound was the ticking of the clock on the far wall. Then James spoke.

"You knew everything, then, about our secret," James said.

Dumbledore nodded sagely. "My dear boy, there is very little that happens in this castle that I do not know. Most of the house elves are bound to keep the students' secrets, it's true, but my personal house elf, Mimsy, works the kitchens here when I am not at my summer home. She told me the true nature of your relationship, and the plans you were hatching to spy on the Dark Lord."

Severus, who had been perched on the edge of the examination table, rose in anger. "You knew I was a spy, and you did nothing to stop me, or at least help me? I started when I was _sixteen_ years old."

"I know, my boy, but those were desperate times. I did not think you would appreciate my help, nor did I wish to spook you when our side had so much to gain by your actions."

"So- you knew that we were all together, and you knew Sev was a spy," Lily said. "But how did you know about …the rest?"

"I've had my suspicions about the Potter clan for a long time," Dumbledore said. "I have long studied the nature of the hallows, and the history of the Peverell line, because my family also has deep ties to Godric's Hollow. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the sign of the deathly hallows on James's cloak- the night you played the 'prank' on Severus at the whomping willow. My suspicions were, again, confirmed when I attended the obviously staged funeral for the elder Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

"I know of two methods for attaining immortality, and I knew a family like the Potters would not hold with the _other_ method, so I deduced that you possessed the recipe for the philosopher's stone. I don't approve of such devices, but it was not my place to meddle, so I let the matter rest."

"You let the matter rest, until we were actually marked for death," Lily deadpanned.

Dumbledore sighed, and the twinkle in his eye seemed to go out, without which he looked very old, indeed. "When I learned of the prophecy, and I learned that Voldemort knew the prophecy, I saw, instantly, the way to defeat him. If Voldemort sunk so low as to go after an infant, he would have to face the mother, and what weapon is more powerful than a mother's love? As you deduced, I gave you the book, Lily, knowing that you would not hesitate to use the forbidden charm, and make the sacrifice the instant it was required of you. The only obstacle was the stone."

"So you told Lily I was dead, let her use the charm, and…" Severus drew a deep breath. "You used her as your weapon."

Dumbledore nodded. "I knew you were alive- knew that Lily would be able to return- so yes, I allowed her to make this small sacrifice for the greater good." He turned to Lily. "Am I wrong in believing that you were willing to sacrifice yourself to save your child, and to defeat the greatest Dark Lord in history?"

Lily breathed in a sharp hiccup and shook her head. "You aren't wrong. I was willing."

Severus, however, couldn't contain himself. He stood up and shouted- "The sacrifice wasn't nothing, Headmaster, it was TEN YEARS! I could have brought them both back at any time, and you prevented me. You obliviated me- tore out a piece of my soul- and let Harry grow up without his mother. Why? How can you possibly explain that?"

"I had no choice!" Dumbledore said in a pleading voice. "I only realized too late that Voldemort couldn't be fully killed. He was still present- his spirit lingering in this world. You saw that tonight, Severus. I don't know how Voldemort's remnants can be killed, but I know that the sacrifice Lily gave was enough to destroy the original, and the power of that sacrifice remained in Lily's blood only as long as the _sacrifice_ remained true.

"There are three places Lily's blood remained in this world. The first is within Lily's sister, the second, within Lily's son, and the third was the stone that Lily infused with her blood. I did not wish to sacrifice Harry- it was imperative he remain safe- so I decided to set a trap for Voldemort's remnant with the stone as bait. I knew he would not be able to resist a philosopher's stone, and its limitations are not common knowledge. I spun a tale that I possessed Nicholas Flamel's stone, in the hopes Voldemort would try to take it from me. If Voldemort, seeking immortality, tried to use the stone, Lily's blood would surely destroy him. The only problem was that I could not set the trap properly while the stone was in Gringotts, and I could not access the private vault where the stone was stashed- only the heir to the Potter fortune could do so."

Severus sat down and groaned. "So you waited until Harry turned 11, sent Hagrid to accompany Harry to his trust vault to get money for his school supplies, and told Hagrid to retrieve the stone while he was there."

The headmaster nodded. "Harry was present, along with the vault keys, which I obtained from the rubble at Godric's Hollow, so the Goblins did not object."

At these words, James's face went oddly pale. "Rubble? Did you say rubble?"

"That is strange. The charm I cast shouldn't have done anything to hurt the house," Lily said. "I don't think that the Dark Lord would be stupid enough to cast anything but _Avada Kedavra _to kill his prophesied destroyer- whatever his other follies. How could the cottage have been reduced to rubble?"

"Uhhh-" James said, and then cleared his throat. His face was bright red.

"James," Lily said gently. "You didn't mess with anything in the garden shed, did you?"

"I- may have placed one of Sev's timed explosion potions there, yes."

"Why?"

"I…" James looked panicked. "I was going to lure the Dark Lord into the shed before it exploded. I know I would have been caught in the blast, too, but I was desperate."

"James! I was keeping the liquid oxygen tanks in there," Lily said. "Of course the house got caught in the blast. Never mess with my rocket fuel."

"I'm sorry," James said quietly. "I never meant to endanger you or Harry."

"But you did mean to sacrifice yourself, just like Lily," Severus said with a sigh. "I don't blame you- either of you. I was ready to sacrifice myself, too. There was no reason for _certain people_ to take advantage."

Dumbledore stood. He eyes still didn't twinkle, but his face was serene. "I am sorry; I have been a fool. I knew each of you were willing to sacrifice yourselves for the greater good, but I see now that you weren't willing to sacrifice each other. Please forgive me, Lily, James, Severus, and if there's anything I can do to assist you in rebuilding your lives…"

He bowed slightly, and then left the room, leaving them to themselves.

#

The three sat in silence for a time, and then Lily spoke. "Do the two of you trust-"

"It would be best if we had this conversation away from the castle," Severus said.

Lily chuckled slightly. "There's my answer, I guess." Then her laughter died, even as tears gathered in her eyes.

"It hasn't fully hit me yet," Lily said. "It's like my body is crying on its own, and my mind isn't participating. Is it relief, or…"

James spoke in a dark voice. "Dumbledore never said if there were any more remnants of the Dark Lord lingering. Our son may still be in danger."

"He grew up without us," Lily whispered.

"He grew up with no-one," Severus said.

Three lovers sat together in a circle of moonlight, which poured through the infirmary window. Joy, sorrow, and pain intermingled, for though they were together at last, nothing would ever be the same again.

The End

_Note- Trans rights are human rights, and black lives do matter. Thank you to everyone to provided feedback for my first real fanfiction. I hope everyone enjoyed it. _


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